There’s this crazy phenomenon going on right now. Good, devoted mothers get on Pinterest . . . and blogs . . . and Facebook . . . and Twitter . . . and then they flip through parenting magazines and TV channels (full of advertisements and media hype) . . . and they’re convinced they’re not enough.
They’re convinced that everyone else has magnetic, alphabetized spice containers,
and unless their garden parties are thematically accessorized with butterfly lanterns,
and they’re wearing the latest fashions (in a size two, of course), there’s no point in even showing up for the day.
Last Saturday, this happened to me.
I came home from a lovely day out with my extended family and had serious intentions to spend the evening dyeing Easter eggs and making bunny buns.
By the time I got everyone settled and fed, however, I was so tired that I just laid on the couch and dozed while my children played and got themselves to bed.
Around 8:30, when I finally had the energy to sit up, I decided to try out Pinterest for a few minutes until my husband got home. There it was–1,000 reasons why I’m failing at all things domestic.
I don’t make grilled cheese sandwiches look like ice cream.
I don’t even have seasonal throw pillows on my couches or live plants anywhere in the house.
Is it really so hard? Can’t I pull myself together and wrap some candles in green foliage and bring happiness to our decor with bright fabrics and hand-crafted photo frames?
As I was trying to calm my frenzied state of mind, my husband came home and held me tight. We talked about our day, and he told me how much he loves me and that he wants our boys to marry someone like me. I fell asleep snuggled under his arm.
The following morning, our children enthusiastically bounded into our bedroom and tucked themselves into our covers. My four-year-old gave me an arm massage, and we all sat there together–joking, laughing, planning the day ahead, and enjoying that special feeling of family. Reflecting on the discouragement I’d felt the night before, I realized that my family doesn’t care about what I see on Pinterest. They care about me.
My daughter Grace loves me to sing “Baby Mine” to her each night before bed. When I go to our Power of Moms Retreats, she misses that special ritual. We have recordings of Michael Crawford and Allison Krauss singing their versions, but Grace doesn’t want those. She wants me. So I recorded myself singing “Baby Mine” and emailed the audio file to her and to my husband so Grace can hear “her song” before she sleeps. As far as she’s concerned, my untrained voice belongs at the top of the charts.
A few months ago, I was practicing sideways dutch braids on my two daughters. They had found these great “how-to” videos online, and we set up our comb, brush, and hair bands in front of the computer so I could become an expert.
Half-way through the braid, my fingers got all tangled up, the hair was too loose, and one of my daughters had been sitting with her head to the side for several minutes.
Feeling extremely frustrated, I said, “That little girl in the video is so lucky to have a mom who knows how to do hair.”
My daughter stopped me in my tracks when she responded, “But I have a mom who is trying.”
My mom is in her 70s, and her memory is starting to go. Her sweetness and love are as strong as ever, but when we talk on the phone, she can’t remember the last time we spoke or the last time we saw each other.
At the end of one phone call a few weeks ago, I whispered, “I miss you, Mom.”
She said, “Oh, I miss you, too! But we’ll get together soon. You can come down to the park, and we’ll get an ice cream cone at McDonald’s.”
I replied, “Yes, that will be fun.” But then the tears started, and I had to use every ounce of control to keep my voice even so she wouldn’t know I was crying.
What I really meant was, “I miss being able to talk to you, Mom. I miss laying on the grass while my children make a hopscotch and savoring our long phone conversations. I miss you remembering all those secrets I used to tell you. I miss you asking me if I’m okay. I miss seeing you read books and hearing you sing while you do the dishes and having you drive out to my house without getting lost. I miss you remembering how much I need you.”
My mother didn’t specialize in home decor or gourmet cooking, and she didn’t lift weights or run marathons. But she makes me feel like I am the most important, wonderful person ever born. If I could pick any mother in the whole world, it would be my mom.
There’s something deeper going on in family life than can ever be expressed on a social network. Whatever it is we feel we are lacking, can we collectively decide–as deliberate mothers–that we are not going to sit around feeling discouraged about all the things we’re not?
Can we remind each other that it is our uniqueness and love that our children long for? It is our voices. Our smiles. Our jiggly tummies. Of course we want to learn, improve, exercise, cook better, make our homes lovelier, and provide beautiful experiences for our children, but at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else.
If you ever find yourself looking in the mirror at a woman who feels badly that she hasn’t yet made flower-shaped soap,
please offer her this helpful reminder: “Your children want you!”
QUESTION: How do you keep the right perspective on your importance to your family–in the midst of so many ideas and temptations to compare yourself with others?
CHALLENGE: Recognize any tendencies you might have to get wrapped up in discouragement, and set up a regular way to remind yourself that your children want you.
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“Your Children Want YOU!” (the full book about April’s mother) is available at LearnDoBecome.com.
Click here for three free chapters!
April, What a beautiful message. Thank you. I also have an aging mother-88 next month. I have “missed her” for years now, you brought tears to my eyes because I know that feeling. Our kids just want us. Thank you, thank you.
This was so beautiful and a perfect timely reminder. Thank you
This is a wonderful reminder of my true role as a mother. Thank you x
thank you, thank you!
Thank you for this very sweet reminder, and almost permission, to be ok with our imperfections as parents. My baby loves my jiggly tummy- he gives me “foofers” on it every day. It really makes sense to think of the love you have for your mother when thinking about how your children must feel about you. Great piece.
Beautiful message and just what I needed to read today. Thank you!
April this article could not have come at a better time for me. I needed that reminder of how much my mother truly cares for me and I should appreciate the times that she still worries about me and not get frustrated by her many questions on my well-being. You brought tears to my eyes too and made me realize that I can be a great mother to my 2 boys without those out of the world projects, as long as I am trying and doing my best then I am alright. Thank you.
We all need that reminder. Thank you!
Loved this! Thank you!
Best advice ever! Thanks April 🙂
I find the 2 things- the only things really that keep me consistantly on track and balanced between the me I want to be and who I am are personal daily kneeling prayer and personal daily scripture time. Even just 5 minutes are enough to soften my heart and make small miracles happen in my home. By small means are great things brought to pass.
Thank you for the message.. I needed to hear it. I get so tired of being compared or at least feeling like I’m being compared to that invisible woman I secretly think doesn’t really even exist. I NEVER get on Pinterest… just knowing it is there is discouraging enough for me.
That was awesome!!! Right on!
I know I don’t want to end being a Grandma still comparing my life to others! Listen to my song on itunes “Sammy”…kinda goes with ur blog =)
Exactly what I needed to hear today as I look around at my messy house and think where I have gone wrong??? No where when I see the smiles on my kids faces, and the hugs they so freely give me.
This is wonderful!! I often feel less than I am because of the blogs/pinterest/facebook. My kids don’t want that my they want ME and they want me to be present and spend time with them instead of sitting on the computer comparing myself to others!
April, I know exactly what you mean. With technology, we are able to share and see so much more and sometimes you think “don’t show me what I am not doing!”. I am experiencing dementia with my mom too. It is so sad that they are drifting away and I just want to shake someone and say “do something to help her. Can’t she have better quality of life? Are you just giving up?”
Wow. Thank you for that!
I loved the message of this post but I also wanted to say my mom has Alzheimer’s and in the beginning she exhibited many of those same signs you were talking about. Not to get into personal details here but I urge you to take her to a neurologist if you haven’t yet done so. Best of luck to you in parenting and caregiving!
Awesome article April – and fits so well with the April Learning Circle Article “The Other Mothers”. We had a fabulous first Learning Circle last week. Loving it already!
this made me cry – thank you so much for the reminder of what is really important
Thanks so much, Monique! We are in the process of working with several different doctors. Any websites/resources, etc. that were helpful to you would be very much appreciated.
Thank you for your inspiration April. I certainly feel renewed by your insight and examples. Hugs!!
Loved this post April – Something we can all relate to I think!!
Thank You – I needed that today! So inspiring.
This is great. I’m going to post this on Pinterest.
Thanks for reminding me, I was at the gold coast retreat and implemented a few things but school holidays have worn me out and reading that was just what I needed. You and Saren are truly inspired, Thank you, Tabitha.
Tears are rolling down my face! I think you’ve hit it on the head (though I roll my eyes at all the “perfect” blogs and pinterest pages).
I’m logging off now to hang out with my kids.
x
This was great and so timely for me! It is something I have been thinking a lot about.
Whether we like it or not, we are our childrens role models. there is no course book or manual on “perfect” parenting. this article is a wonderful reminder that we are all in the same boat. motherhood can be challenging at times but has been the most rewarding experience and gift i have been given and on tough days when i may have had a sleepless night because ive been nursing my sick child or days when my laundry seems higher than Mt Everest, i ask myself “what else would i rather be doing?” there is nothing else id rather be doing than raising happy, confident, selfless childten to know who they are and where they come from and to believe in themselves. never give up, our children need their mothers to know that we will always love and nurture them and encourage them and cheer them on from the sidelines. we can all learn from eachother xxx
Sure, you could fill every waking moment with busy-ness, but such behavior would be unnerving to children. They need calm. They need thoughtfulness. They need love. Not flower-shaped soap or icecream looking sandwiches. Those special little decorations or deserts or crafts or gardens are wonderful, beautiful, inspiring, etc. But they are the icing on the cake. No one want just icing; it’s too much. A little icing goes a long way and sometimes the cake needs no icing at all. Deliver cake (love, calm, thoughtfulness, example) regularly and, on occasion, add a little icing.
I love this post and its message. I feel the same way about Pinterest and blogs and facebook. But isn’t it ironic that this post came to us via a blog or a website? Technology has so much power to do good as well as harm. And these women we see on these sites really do exist. We like to think they don’t, so we feel better about ourselves, but they do. I know, I am related to them. They are good, talented women with lots of energy. I must not put them down or think they must be failing somewhere else to feel better about myself. But I also must not put myself down because I can’t be like them or do what they do.
Thank you April! This is a very touching blog post & I needed this today. I am also ‘missing’ my mum. She is starting to forget the last time we visited, getting lost & a little confused. Time is precious. I am going to make better use of mine with both my kids & my mum! Thanks again!!!
Such a great point, Tiffany! Thanks so much. I totally agree. Blogs, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, etc. offer so many great resources, and this afternoon my daughter actually did make that cute little ice cream cone treat with bananas and a strawberry. 🙂 It’s just that we need balance, right?
April, Thank you for sharing this most important message. I think as mothers we all know this is true…and I’ve heard this basic message shared in a few different ways, but your experience with your mother really puts it into perspective. I am reminded each night as I put my little 7 month old to bed that I am the WORLD to him. I don’t think I quite ‘got’ that with his older sisters. I’m starting to catch on. 🙂 I completely agree that we need to strive for balance.
Thank you!
This was wonderful and just what I needed to read.
Thank you for this. It was something I needed to hear/see and remind myself why I am a mother. My mother passed away 4 years ago, and I too miss being able to share with her.
I have never been on your sight before, but happened to catch someone else’s comment through facebook.
Thank you again for this beautiful article!
April, thank you! You are right on!! I appreciate this very thoughtful, insightful post. I plan to print and keep it. What a very meaningful loving tribut to your mother.
This is exactly what I needed to hear right now – Thank you so much – glad I found you today!
April, I so needed this today! Thanks for sharing. dionygeorge.com
That is wonderful for me to hear its so easy to get discouraged that I’m not doing enough for my kids but if I take a step back I can see they just want me and my love I have to offer. It’s the most wonderful thing in the world to have the unconditional love of a child even when you still make mistakes.
I’ve never been to this site before (I don’t think), but I NEEDED to read this. As a stay-at-home mom, a family living on a meager budget- it is so easy for me to compare and worry about what my kids aren’t getting. But they have me, doing the best I can, and that is enough. Thank you.
Awesome blog! Thank you SO very much!
And someday you might make flower soap and magnetize your spice cabinet, too. You may even throw a thoroughly themed garden party. Probably not on the same day, though.
That’s the perspective we need with the wealth of great ideas available to us. They are all wonderful, and fun, and when we have the desire to do these things, we can find them at our fingertips.
They are not, however, REQUIRED parts of the parenting handbook. I don’t even thing they are extra credit. They may just be extra-curricular activities. The required parts come more naturally and are often the result of just being there and wanting to do your best.
Thank you for writing this!
Oh April, I am so thankful for the blessing of this post. Thank you for writing it. I need this reminder daily – I never feel good enough.
On another note, my sweet “Nanny” (grandmother) died less than a year ago (at the age of 78) after 5 year battle with Alzheimer’s. It is so hard to watch your loved ones go through this. I miss her so desperately every day. I hope you can find something that helps your Momma.
You made me cry. These words couldn’t be more true.. Thank you!
I think that when I was raising my kids years ago, I felt this way too…discouraged that I wasn’t “SUPER mom”! Now years later, I still see Moms out there feeling quilty about the same thing; trying to balance “work, husband, kids, school, home, etc.” I wish I could give every Mom a hug & remind them just like their own kids are unique & have different characteristics….each Mom too has their own talents & personalities that makes them SPECIAL to their own kids. You don’t need to be “perfect” … just be yourself & spend some time with them … that’s really what they want….just some downhome time…snuggle, sing, play games, bake, DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY & IT”LL RUB OFF ON YOUR KIDS!!
I am a mommy to one sweet little boy, but I also work full time as a nurse on the night shift. I often feel that there are not enough hours in the day for me to accomplish everything I want (or need) to do to be a “good” mom.
I think as women we have an innate tendency to compare ourselves to others, and it’s a hard habit to break. I’ve caught myself thinking many times that maybe my baby would be better off with a “real” mom…
And then he crawls into my lap at bedtime, hands me a story, and says “Waba” (his word for Llama, llama, nighty-night). And I see him stop and stare at the tv or the stereo anytime the song “You are my sunshine” plays, because that’s what I’ve sung to him every night since birth. And then I realize that he doesn’t care if I throw him an extravagant birthday party, and he doesn’t care if I blog about every recipe I make, and he doesn’t care if I know how to weave and dye my own fabric to make curtains. He cares that I’m his mom, and he’s my baby.
Thank you for this reminder.
Very nice article–well written. This is an important message for us to remember.
Lovely article. I’ll do my best to keep being the mom I can be. I just wish that my oldest son still loved me.
Wonderful! Thank you so much for the reminder, just what I needed tonight.
Thank you!!!!
Beautifully put! Boy did I need this! Glad I clicked on this pin!
Beautiful! Definitely worth sharing far and wide. I’ve already seen it via two different friends on Facebook.
So much important information. I feel like a failure everytime I look at the things that didn’t get done today, but I forget that those things didn’t get done b/c i was taking my boys to the beach or doing other things that improve our relationship, etc. Thank you for the reminder to just be the best we can today and most importantly, be present in their lives!
Thank you so much for this beautiful post. I really needed to hear it!
After one of “those days”, a friend of mine told me this simple little story and at the end of it she said to me, “you may not be a perfect mother, but you are the perfect mother for those children.” I sobbed! Because no matter how inadequate I may feel as a mother (and there are plenty of days that I feel this way), no one else is better qualified to raise my children other than me!
I remind myself each day of this and try oh so hard do I try to tell my children multiple times a day that I love them and they are three of the best things that have ever happened to me!
Oh the joys and pressures and things that can fill up our time. I joke that I don’t want to get on “wastebook” much because it zaps my time and I feel like the beautiful things on pinterest can become so addicting and all consuming. You hit the nail on the head with your inspiring message. What a great mom you seem to be and I appreciate the other comments that were made as well. This site is so great and uplifting. Now if I can just get motivated to fold laundry so I can play with my kids when they are awake tomorrow!
Thank you! What a great reminder! Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I recently lost my mom to cancer. She was only 48 years old. Time flies, and bad things happen. We need to make every moment count!!
Thank you so much for writing this! It is very well-written and touching to all who have read it, I’m sure.
I do want to point out that your photo sources could be more accurate. “Pinterest” didn’t actually do/create all those lovely things. Someone put a lot of time and effort into those creating and documenting their projects. It is only fair to attempt to give credit where credit is due. Usually when you click through a post on Pinterest you can find the original link.
Again, I think this is an incredibly important message, and I am glad that it is making the rounds on the social networking sites! I have seen other posts with this sentiment, but this is my favorite.
Thank you for sharing this with all of us moms who are trying our best to be the very best mom we can. I really needed to read this.
Just incredible and feel blessed to have read this. I miss my Mom too. You are so blessed to have children that feel so close to you. Thanks for the wisdom and encouragement here.
I saw this on Facebook and read it, only realizing when I saw your picture it was you! What a beautiful piece, and a fun surprise that it’s by someone I actually know and admire in REAL LIFE. Thanks for sharing, April.
Thanks so much, Roxane. And I appreciate the suggestion for the caption. I’ll do my best to find the original sources. If you click on each Pinterest photo, it will take you to the direct link where I saw it.
Thank you
We constantly compare ourselves to others yet we forget that we are taking their best qualities and trying to roll them all into our one being. I look at my various friends- one is an amazing photographer, one has a knack for coming up with delicious recipes, another can design and sew anything- and I find myself trying to roll all of those wonderful things that they excel at into myself and get disappointed when I realize that I’m not as good of a photographer or cook or seamstress. We need to realize that we are amazing in our.own ways. One day when I was particularly downhearted about not being so great at sewing (I just started a few weeks ago and am self taught so far) one of my friends told me that she herself was down about not being crafty as me. I never thought that anyone would want to compare themself to me, much less my super talented friend! We need to learn to not compare ourselves to others- we each have our own special talents that believe it or not, others look up to.
I have to admit, part of the reason that I have steadfastly refused to join Pinterest is because I am totally inept in all areas of crafting and home decor and don’t need to be reminded. Also, I already feel that I am spending too much time online as it is! I think I need to read this blog post and the Good Mom Dichotomy (http://www.hey-nonny.com/2012/02/17/the-good-mom-dichotomy/) weekly just to keep my priorities straight and my chin up! Thank you so much for this lovely reminder of what my children really want and need from me.
I am just glad I dont have pinterest!…I do have ‘Clipix’ though to save amazing articles like this one! ; )
I don’t even know how I found this site or this article, but here I am. And I just WASTED the entire day being angry and hopeless, thinking that my kids don’t need me at all. And they didn’t get much of me today, either. I drove them away from me all day long because their behavior from the previous day was less than ideal. And that behavior reflected on me as a mother, a child trainer, etc. I was a failure, and I knew it. Funny you talked about Pinterest… I WASTED all day today thinking about a couple of moms I know who really do live like a Pinterest Person. Long before Pinterest, and even Facebook, I watched these moms (size 2’s by the way) raise their perfectly behaved, groomed, matching-clothes brood of children, and saw pictures of their immaculate house. Heck, their toddlers use glass dishware! What more can I say? I don’t measure up, and neither do my children. And I just WASTED the entire day in a fragmented home, feeling like an utter failure, yelling at my husband, and wishing I was somewhere else. I can’t say that this article has helped me much, except to know that there is probably some mom out there feeling the way I do. I’ll never measure up. And when I cower into a cave of self-pitying despair, my kids will suffer even more. *sigh*
I know how we can all be better mums and spend more time with our kids….spend less time on Facebook and blogs and be more “present” in our homes. I realised that recently that if I actually just cut in half the time I spent reading blogs about mothering and homemaking and the time I spent on Facebook I would feel better about what I was giving my children. It has worked. Social networking is great but it has made the focus of mothering a bit too “outward”. A bit of refocussing back on those people that need us to be fully present will improve the quality of everyone’s experience.
Yes your children want you. They want us fully present. Not overly distracted by Facebook and blogs. Social networking is great but it does tend to focus our attentions outside of the home rather than where it is most needed. I’ve reduced the time I spend reading other people’s experiences of mothering and on Facebook to ensure I really am fully conscious of my own experience of mothering.
I’ve been feeling the same way lately! Especially when it comes to birthday parties. But I’ve realised my girls don’t care about how extravagant the cake is or how they have a place card for each food items with cute little glass bottles and paper straws (which is cute, don’t get me wrong). What they remember is who was there and how they felt and that is that they are so special that so many people wanted to be there to celebrate their birthday! Thank you for writing this! Its couldn’t be more true!
Ditto what almost every mom here said. You words ring true and so many of us spend so much time flogging ourselves for not being good enough moms…which creates the very cycle we are trying to avoid in the first place.
From the bottom of my heart – thank you.
A lovely post – thank you for the reminder 🙂
I have seen my daughters and sons in action with my children! They are terrific! They are shaping the future with their love and attention! There is no better way to raise a child!
THANKS!
April- I met you at the retreat in Arizona, and was so impressed with you and how calm and peaceful you are. This article portrays that same spirit beautifully. What a wonderful reminder of what’s important and how to remember that we need to find joy in the now and who we are as individuals. Thank you for the awesome reminder!
This made me cry! I am deleting all my Pintrest boards today except for the one with house photos for our new build. That is EXACTLY what happens when I’m on pintrest…I feel like I’m not being creative enough, spontaneous enough, fun enough for my kid. When in reality, all he wants me to do is play a video game with him or take the dog for a walk. He could care less whether his lunch is crafted into an Angry Birds art piece or his sandwich just has the crusts cut off and his apple peeled the way he likes. Sites like Pintrest are great for some people, but I find that for ME, the self-doubt sets in too easily…I want to be EVERYTHING at all times, and by feeling that way, I am helping no one.
I am sharing this post…it is an important reminder!!!
Don’t feel alone! There are WAY MORE moms out there like you than your Pinterest Person friend!!! Just be who you are, and your kids love you for you.
Another thing I once read that helped was to remember that ALL those photos you see (and blog posts you read) are people sharing the best of the best that they have to offer. Don’t try to compare your every day life to their best public life! They, too, have messy floors sometimes and dirty dishes and boring meals and dead flowers and messy children and failed desserts!
What a beautiful post! I was practically in tears. We really do get caught up in what we “think” we should be doing. There is nothing in the world though like the feeling of knowing how much your children love you. I always sing a special song to my son every night (he’s almost one) and every time I start he always get the biggest grin on his face. It truly is the most wonderful feeling.
Well said!!! You never hear a grown-up child say “I wish my parents would have bought me more stuff” but you do often hear “I wish my parents would have spent more time with me”
Beautiful, April. I needed it too–thank you so much. 🙂
Wow. Very powerful. Thank you so much for reminding me what’s important. * Newest Follower
My Mom has AD and I too miss my Mom. So glad I’m being a ‘hands on Mom’ with my kids!
This was absolutely beautiful!! Thank you so much for posting!
Thank you so much for the reminder!
Wow, what a great post. Thank you. I, too, look at those posts on Pinterest, and link through to the women who blog about them, and I wonder why I can’t do it all too. Thank you for grounding me this morning. All out children want is our love, affection, and to be the moms we are!
Amazing perspective! I am a mother and a daughter. As a mother, I try so hard to be there for him and spend quality time with him. As a daughter, I miss my mom, however my mom is too busy trying to show off and “run the show” that she has no time or interest in me. The only children/grandchildren she as time for, are those that are conveniently located near her vacation home. My son is 5, she has seen him twice b/c she refuses to visit, she feels that everyone should want to visit her in her expensive vacation home. I left the area almost 7 years ago, she has called me twice and has written me once on FB. If there is one thing she has taught me and as much as it hurts, I am thankful for… Is how NOT to be. So, I am not the most fashionable, I don’t make exotic food, I don’t emphasize how my child is imperfect, I don’t insist on having everything to one up the “joneses” bc i know how empty that makes a child feel… I’m the mom that wears shorts and flip flops, I’m the mom that coaches and cheers the team, I’m the mom that will participate in every activity I can, I’m the mom that has question and answer time at the end of the school day and believes in family dinner time. Quality, not quantity…
Beautifully written, thank you. I lost my Mother a year ago physically, but mentally about 6 years ago. I teared up when I read the part about you missing your Mom. I had a hard time with that myself, and even now, I will find myself thinking I need to call Mom and realize I no longer can. Hang in there – the cycle of life is that our parents care for us and then we end up caring for them. God Bless
I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thanks for writing about what (most) every woman/mom feels.
This article brought tears to my eyes! Thank you for sharing this…. much needed for me today!
Thank you! This is a great reminder of who we are to our children, and who we will hope to be to them when we are older!
April, I just love this! This is what all mothers need to hear. Thank you so much~
Dear April, (I have a daughter named April! 🙂
This was beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing and making a difference in Mommies’ lives. PLEASE research coconut oil for the mental difficulties with your Mom. It is amazing!
With love,
LOVE THIS ANALOGY:):):)
Great article, loved it.
Powerful message. Thank you for writing it and sharing it. Keep focusing on those things that are MOST important! And your example will help someone else do the same, and exponentially we will shift the pressure we all put on one another, often without meaning to! I’m an ‘older’ mommy. (smile) But I was oh so blessed to always know what was most important. That didn’t mean I didn’t ‘beat myself up’ in my head sometimes though. Thank you.
Beautiful! Thank you.
This is an amazing talk about that very thing, I hope it is ok if I attach the link here. http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-relief-society-meeting/2011/09/forget-me-not?lang=eng
This is a talk from a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, but even if you are not a member it is well worth listening to. It brought me a lot of peace about this very subject and many more things about being a mother.
Thanks again for sharing such a beautiful article!
I also sing Baby Mine every night to my daughter. Each of my children has their own mommy song.
Thank you. I have been struggling for a while and your letter hit right at home.
I do agree that children want their mother, and that you don’t need to be a creative, skinny, fashionable Martha Stewart, Kate Moss, Rachel Ray hybrid. It should not make you feel like you need to be a super mom, it does not for me. I am not a Martha Kate Rachel hybrid by any stretch of the imagination, but I enjoy finding ways I can improve my life in small ways that I chose. I love finding idea, doing project when I can, getting inspiration from one handy place. Others strenghts are not an inditment of my weaknesses. No one does it all, or at least can do it all and do it all well.
thank you for encouraging me. I feel the same way – on both ends. I’ve been watching my grandmother deteriorate over the last 12 years and my mom is starting to not hear and to forget and her ability to listen actively is diminished (the stress with her mother has left a great mark) and I love being a mom but am overwhelmed and I see everybody’s house that’s so nice and clean and remember my mom’s house that was always tidy and I swear at my house, the tidy fairies have lost their way… and the map that will show them how to find me! Thank you for reminding me of the truth! 🙂
Loved this post– thanks for sharing.
Not sure if it’s hormonal but this brought me to tears this morning 🙂 God’s already been speaking to me about this and to read what your children have told you reminds me of those sweet comments my kids say that make me melt. Thank you for sharing your heart 🙂
You know, I needed his today, yesterday…..from someone who lost their mom at the young age of 55, this really hit home for me. Oh how I miss her… Sure she had many talents that could rank right up there with pinterest, but that isn’t what I miss about her. I miss those few talks we had. She passed away when I was a new mother myself and before doing so, she cross stitched this poem that hangs in my kitchen:
“Maid to be a Mother”
Welcome to the home that lives within the house,
where loving kids is all that really counts.
The dishes in the sink, the crumbs upon the floor,
and all the dirty laundry are secondary chores.
Now don’t assume me lazy by looking at the mess,
I’ve put forth forty hours and still don’t take a rest!
I polish little minds as bright as they can be
and sweep out tiny hearts and keep them pure and clean.
Each and every soul is scrubbed until it gleams,
I also pick up spirits, should they ever lose a dream.
So push the clothes on over, and have yourself a seat-
excuse the toys and cookie crumbs sticking to your feet.
Judge me as a mother, not the maid I oughBer t to be
I’d prefer sparkling lives to a house dirt- free.”
I need to read this every morning. Can I “pin” this?! No seriously.
As I read this, I could relate, my mom is soon to be 88. She has memory loss and it is hard to carry on a conversation. Thanks for the great post.
Thank you so much for writing the words that are often on my heart! I burst in to tears as I was reading your blog this morning. May I please share a link back to your blog on my blog-“Always Crazy Blessed”? Thanks again!
Beautiful, beautiful message. Thank you.
Well sitting here all teared up. That was sweet. Dealing with the empty nest thing at this time.. But I know the still love me and the things I do for them.
Wow. You really nailed it here. My friend shared this on FB (lol) and I’m so glad I clicked through to read. There are so many times I feel so disconnected and it mostly stems from social media. I love your words, and to be honest I have tears in my eyes right now. My grandma has lost a lot of her memory and I feel that way every time we talk.
Thank you for writing this.
I like to remind myself that Martha Stewart’s family isn’t close to her (daughter is quite angry with and hurt by her for most of her life) and she spent some time in jail. Having a “perfect” crafty pretty home and holiday season does not equal a good family.
Amazing. LOVE IT. I say we are “everyday rockstars!”
EJ, http://www.thesearemyreasons.com
Well said and so true!
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I needed this. Hadn’t been on pinterest on two weeks and iy felt good. Wrnt on yesterday and felt like crap. Immediatly reminding myself of all the sewing projects I could be doing. I still love blogging, and pinterest for looking up an ideas but I needed this reminder on what my kids need moat. I am sharing it with all my sisters and friends. Thank you!
Thank you for this. I agree with you. I need not to be so hard on myself.
Thank you, April. I also have zero houseplants, and every time I think I should go out and buy one my 3-yr-old asks me to play hide and seek or play-doh, and I remember that he prefers me to roll on the floor with him than be a domestic goddess.
I think it’s great that people have talents and share them online, but we don’t see the bigger picture. In some of my photos, I brush aside crayons, dirty dishes, wipe off smudge marks before I take pictures. It looks like people have it all together online, but they don’t…and it’s easy to get discouraged…but most people would rather snuggle with their kids than make ice cream cone grilled cheeses everyday. Thanks for this reminder…it’s perfect!
Love this, Dawn. Pinterest is the perfect place to post this. Maybe it will go viral there and help people breathe easier as they look for ideas.
You are not alone! There are so many days I wonder why we even have kids. More often than not I feel like a total failure when it comes to parenting. Its hard to be a mom! Reading and rereading the same stories over and over, playing with plastic toys while dishes pile up, laundry starts to smell, and the to-do list grows is endlessly tiring. Add to that the stress of trying to measure up in a world where we are supposed to be healthy, have the smartest well dressed ultra confident kids living in a picturesque house, and it is all too much. The difference is as moms we don’t get to just throw in the towel, we have to pick ourselves up and keep on going. Its hard! From the outside the world sees my family similar to the pinterest person you referenced, but on the inside, real life is closer to your cave. Looks can be deceiving, I’m willing to bet there are many many more moms that would agree! But take heart in that we can put the kids to bed at night, take a breath and try again the next day.
I cared for my mom with my dad, we washed her and helped her sit or lay in bed. It was good that I worked third sift and dad was first, my wife would also help and she was doing the cooking having been taught by my mom.
We lost her on Mothers Day 1995, I miss her every day and remember the good and bad times. The love of a mother is never ending, thank God for making Moms.
I was just going to post about this on my blog. But now I will link it to here. I am struggling with friends feeling like they are not enough physically. Body image has made it’s way into Pinterest as well. Pictures of perfect stomach’s and bodies. Really? We are mothers and have sacrificed much to bring our children into the world. We are still great mom’s, even if we don’t have the perfect abs or bust size for that matter.
i got very teary reading this post! i’m not a mom yet but i think anyone can feel like they’re not enough. a wife, a friend, a daughter. this post really struck a chord with me. thank you!
miken
hogstain.blogspot.com
April, you captured such essential beautiful truths that every mother needs to read. I am truly inspired. Your gift of perspective is powerful. Thank you!!
Thanks for the article. I am one of those who has actually cried after reading about all the things other moms do that I don’t. It just gets to be too much sometimes. This was a perfect reminder for me!
This really hit home. Thank you for this! I needed this article today.
This was what I needed!!!! I am always trying to bake cute cupcakes, label everything, make sure beds are perfect, make sure the yard is perfect and really no one cares but me! And honestley I don’t care about that stuff I so it because I think other people are so worried about it! So today I have laundry that needs to be folded on the big chair and I have been lounging on the couch with my two youngest with a blanket all day! And honestly this is more fun than making sure the soup cans are all facing the same way under the right label!!!! Thank you for sharing this sometimes mothers/ fathers forget what’s really important in life! I don’t want to be remembered for my labeling but for the love and fun and how I can let the laundry go to spend time with my children. Their smile and laugh with be with me forever not the labeleing and nicely folded laundry. Thank you!
What I don’t quite get is how she’s so convinced that those of us that are doing these things don’t think we’re enough? Oximoron and here she is blogging about it. Personally I believe it’s about sharing our God given talents with our children. Mine is crafting and I share my talent with my child and encourage him to find his own God given talents. My talent is not in the kitchen, but his may be and we make the bunny tail bread together. It might be a failure but it’s done together and enriching our life as a family and possibly giving him the foundation of his own talents. My life is blessed with seasonally fun slip covers for our pillows. The joy and delight on my childs face is worth the extra 30 minutes of making a pillow case (God given talent – I don’t sing him to bed) when he wakes up and finds a special pillow with a bunny, heart, bird whatever it may be. That pillow is then toted around for naps, fun, snuggles & reading – good family time. Let’s not knock what other mom’s are doing but say “way to go Mom for sharing your God given talents” in a way different than my own.
Thank you SO much for your wise words. They are exactly what I needed to hear today. You were inspired to write this! I love the reminder that they love me and my jiggly tummy….so true.
I just had to comment. This really made me cry. In a good way , I hope. It expresses how I have been feeling as I’ve been reading a few blogs (no, I don’t have one) and using Pinterest some. Even sometimes Facebook can make you feel this way. That everyone else is succeeding and you are failing. Thank you for the reminders that my children love me and that my focus really needs to be on who God has made me to be..and while I should strive to do better, there is lots of good in my life to be thankful for!
Made my day, thank you!
This was not only a beautiful message, but beautifully written, funny and entertaining. A wonderful reminder that it’s not about what we do for our children, it’s what we do with our children. The sweetest moments are truly the ones that involve little to no work or prep, but rather each others company and time. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for this.
Thank you!! This is exactly what I needed to hear today 🙂
Thank you for this! I know a few people who put the “material” perfect ahead of kids and it makes me sad. This places such perspective on motherhood. Thanks for the encouragement. 🙂
“…at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else.”
loved this line! (and the whole post!) thanks so much for putting into writing how i’ve been feeling and making me re-think my priorities. 🙂
This is my first time to this site, because a friend linked me on FB today I got to read this great article. Oh, and you made me CRY!
Agreed! I had to constantly remind myself that when I realized I did not come up with one cute Easter basket or activity for my son or my nieces. I also realized, there are so many blessings in the people who surround you and do have those creative skills and interests, I will let the others who pin and do bring beauty into my life and just enjoy the things I’m good at… like hugging and kissing my baby boy. Or changing his diaper quicker than you can say POOP! I shared via linkedin – so hopefully some of the working moms who feel like this a LOT will get to see it!
Thank you for this reminder!
Thank you. You are so right!
Raising boys especially, and I have four, always think their mamas are the most beautiful mamas and their house is their castle. I see it as ‘destroyed’ from years of adventurous living, but they see holes in drywall and ruined carpet as some funny memory where they love to tell the story. What my boys want most is face-to-face time, playing games, and experiencing a mom who is free to wield a sword or aim a Nerf gun. They could care less about the frills and froo-froo. They want togetherness. Somedays it seems bottomless, but my greatest creative efforts are the imperfect, messy ones like construction paper calendars to teach the months of the year to my elementary boys. I thought of that all by myself! And what a mess we made doing it. I’m so grateful for these boys who NEED ME so much. I am blessed!
I so enjoyed your post. You can clearly read the legacy of love within your family. You have the real thing! I shared it today on my Facebook and will do so again as Mother’s Day approaches.
Love what you wrote! My mom passed away at age 62 exactly a year ago from cancer and I miss her. She didn’t have the creative pinterest things in our home. Now I’m a busy mom of two sets of twins ages 3 & 7 and often feel like I’m not doing enough. Balance is the key. Thank you for your encouraging words. 🙂
This post is SO important! I have recently been toying with the idea of going on a media “fast” and clearing my system of all the blogs, pinterest, etc. that make me feel so much less than enough.
Wow. As soon as I wipe the tears from my eyes, I’ll add you to my blog feed…and delete a couple that make me feel like I need to do MORE.
Nice article! Women are 50% of the human race and for so long have been not allowed to flower as who they are by the society. Society conditioned them to be like this or that.We (both men and women)subscribed to this idea and tried to emulate it and in the process feel the frustration.
The good news is Growth in technology is bringing this to our awareness. Soon, we will realize who we are is how we should be or as Byron Katie puts, “what is is what should be”.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. It saddens me to see Moms spend hours perfecting their homes/finding the perfect outfits/planning and preparing the perfect meals-but never once crawling on the floor to play with their children. I’ve been sick for 6 years and have experienced times when I was unable to hold/care for my children. Not a day goes by now that I don’t take every opportunity to just play with them and love them. You’re right. They just want us. As is.
What a great post! Thank you!!!
Thank you for this!!! It’ s just what I’ve been keeping in my thoughts the past few weeks!!! U r awesome!!!
Thanks April! Had tears reading this!
Beautifully written blog post and reminder, thank you. The funny thing is, I’ve never had those social media make me feel like not enough. Instead it has shown me what is possible, as I make big life changes I can explore (especially on Pinterest) who and what I want to become and tuck it away in neat little compartments until I need it again. I choose to look at the positive side of what is available, not feel bad about what others are doing, but collecting ideas, projects, special occasion examples for if and when I may want to so something, need ideas and have the time. folder example: rainy day project for kids with materials we can make at home and way to make my home healthier on a budget. That’s my perspective.
I must be the opposite of most women. If I spend time away from my son doing something “fancy”, I feel guilty. I feel the best about how I’ve spent my time when my son & I have been doing something together, whatever it is. Great feeling!! And if I do think of what others are doing, it’s only to think with sadness how they’re missing out. 🙂
Amen, sister! So well said.
Tiffani, I love that phrase, “Way to go Mom for sharing your God given talents.” You are absolutely right. The items I selected for this post were chosen because I see beauty in them and want those kinds of things in my home–just not at the cost of what is MOST important. In no way was I trying to knock the people who made these items–I was simply pointing out that there needs to be a balance. Thank you for pointing that out. Social networking is a blessing in so many ways. It has been a privilege to get to share in this conversation with so many wonderful mothers. Have a wonderful day and thanks for visiting.
I feel so humbled by the response to this post. Thank you, everyone!
Wow, this article gave me the chills. My eyes teared up during your hair braid frustration episode and your daughter’s response to you was, “I have a mom who is trying.” Children are so wise. We adults don’t give them enough credit. Thank you, thank you, thank you…
Wow. That was just what I needed right now. You have no idea how you just touched my life. Thanks for your honesty April!
I love this article. It came at a perfect time for me – funny how that happens. 😉
You have helped a mom today, April.
Blessings,
Alex
This is why I absolutely refuse to get a pintrest account! Great article, and it’s so the truth. I am doing my best to spend a few hours a day playing with my children, when they want me to, and taking them outside to play, or to the park in the mornings when it’s not so hot. I am pregnant with our third child, our second girl, and we have NO family here in TN. So my friends ARE my family. I wish that my parents didn’t live in CA, but they do. We moved to TN back in 2006 when we thought that if we stayed there, we’d never be able to afford buying a house or some actual land.
This was such an awesome post!! I think as moms we try to be superwomen and do everything for everyone that we forget what a large role we play in the lives of the ones we love. Again thank you for the great message, I absolutely needed this one!!
This is so true, it doesn’t matter what you buy them or make for them, it is the time you spend with them cuddling, talking, and just sitting with them in the same room. My mother spent her last 5 years living with me and the thing I miss the most is sitting in her room and talking and just watching TV together. Just her presence! Remember to tell your children how much you love them every minute.
THANK YOU for posting this truth! And from an older mother’s perspective (and a grandmother’s)we want you too – we miss our kids!
Thank you so much for writing and sharing this! At the end of the day, all my kids want is a few minutes of cuddling, prayers and their special songs. My 5 year old tells me I am her “beautiful sweetie girl”, no matter how I look. No one is perfect, but we all have important gifts to share, our time and our love. I use Pinterest to discover new ideas and to be inspired by others. I know that realistically, I will only do a small percentage of things I pin. I will definately share this post!
Oh my goodness…brought me to tears! Society today tries to tell us what is expected of us if we are to be the best we can be. My husband and I have chosen for myself to be a stay home mom, and have been home now for 8 years. Although financially hard at times, it has definetly been the best decision for our children. This article broke thru the barrier I have been holding with the expectation of society and allowed me to better understand the real reason we do what we do. Thanks so much for sharing! You have definetly encouraged me and blessed my heart today. Jennifer
What a beautiful message. I believe it, I understand it, and I’m even pretty good at going it – not holding myself up to a digitalized standard of motherhood that isn’t true reality. I know my kids would rather make regular old boring french toast with me than wait in the other room while I shape and garnish it just right into creations of artwork so they can ooh and aah before digging in. I love the inspiration and ideas I get online, but I certainly don’t think everything I ever do needs to be a masterpiece. I just wish my husband understood that, too. He is the one holding me up against all these standards of amazement and wondering why he ended up with the dud wife that doesn’t measure up. I’m okay with my own image of myself, but I’m not impressed with his image of what I should be and every way I’m lacking. What am I supposed to do with that, I wonder?
I totally agree and love your perspective! This is exactly how I feel. I love the inspiration and ideas I get online.
This was a beautiful post. So true. All of it. Even if I sit down with my kids to eat breakfast instead of rushing around cleaning dishes, checking emails, making lunches, they say, “We should do that more often.” I think they’ll value that more than a clean house or a trip to Disneyland. THey just want me to lie on the floor and animate their stuffed animals or build something out of legos.
I especially loved the part about your daughter loving your voice. I teach music classes for families with young children and I always tell the parents, ” your voice is your child’s favorite in the world!” It’s still true for me. It’s my Dad’s voice. I love it so much that I made him record a whole CD of songs. I wanted my kids to have what I had. Of course, they prefer to here me sing. Or their Dad. It’s kind of a beautiful chain.
Thanks for reminding me not to compare. TO just be.
Thank you. Thank you for the reminder that just being “mom” is enough. This article brought tears to my eyes, I truly cannot express with words what this article did for me.
-Audri @ Rediscovering Our Family
Well said. Obviously, there are so many who wholeheartedly agree. I would add that Pinterest should be a place to feel inspired and discover new and creative ways to have fun with your kids/family/meals/etc. –not a self-esteem bruiser. If it makes you feel bad to see how other people are demonstrating their creativeness, you should stop looking.
In any event, “Mom’s Computer Time” should be done when the kids are at school, napping, etc. When the kids are with you, leave the technology aside and engage with them. When they’re little, they crave YOU and your attention. It will be too soon when they are not interested in playing with you, spending their free time with you, and hanging on your every word. Embrace the NOW and enjoy all the moments you are gifted!
Thank you so much for this post! It rings so true in my own life…a new mom of an almost 6 month old little girl! I find myself obsessing over what I need to “look like” as a mom and sometimes forget what she actually wants in a mom…hopefully I can be all that my mom was to me, the greatest mom ever 🙂
I can’t thank you enough for posting this article. As a mom of seven, I feel I am not enough ( on a daily basis) and have been told (numerous times throughout the years) that there is no way I can be all (or even close) to what my seven children need in a mom. I don’t know what people expect me to do. I am their mom and I won’t give my kids away so I can have the “acceptable” number of children. I grow weary of living with “Mommy guilt” and shame that I am somehow depriving my children of a wonderful childhood because my laundry is not always done, I don’t bake everyday, I don’t sew and I don’t always refrain from yelling. I am not perfect but I love my kids with every fiber of my being. I am proud of each and every one of them. I am so blessed that God found me worthy to carry and raise such special, unique individuals. I can’t imagine my life without them in it! Thank you for reminding me that my job is the best job and it is far more important than any degree, title or income I could ever receive or earn;)
Loved reading this message. These thoughts have been going on in my brain for the past week. You expressed your thoughts perfectly. So inspiring.
I was going to say, “Tiffani, it sounds like you are already one who ‘gets it’ and doesn’t beat yourself up about what others are doing. Good for you! You own your and your family’s ‘experience’ and make it be what you choose without looking at others. I didn’t take anything said in this post as ‘knocking’ another, but rather as a reminder to all of us (and as you can see, there are many!) who forget that very important fact. To truly ‘honor’ WHO we are, and our children, without letting the world, society, or those around us, ESPECIALLY the intrusive way technology has infiltrated us, to bring ‘guilt, unhappiness, or unmet expectations’ into our lives. We do have a tendency to look at media, any and all kinds, and what they tell us, as if we are SUPPOSED to be doing & living in a particular way!” Thanks for the wonderful post April!
WOW!! Loved this so much I cried reading it for too many reasons to mention! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you…I really needed this
Bless you for sharing this! So many of us struggled with not being enough, even before kids, this reminds me to STOP IT and just love on my boy!
This was PERFECT timing…I just posted my “not Martha Stewart” Easter weekend on my blog, and was actually sad, but then all my friends pointed out that it looked like we had fun while it wasn’t perfect…and they were so right.
I use Pinterest for MYSELF. I don’t look at other poeple’s boards. I only pin things I find that I am interested in. When I start delving beyond that, I feel like crying!
I am getting off the computer now! Thank you.
Thank you so much. This is a much needed wake up call for today’s blog-obsessed mom.
Thanks, Theresa. And I agree. Many moms already “get it,” and I truly admire them. I want to BE one of those women. 🙂 I appreciate your thoughts.
You could put Pinterest out of business with this beautiful post! Bravo!!
Thanks you for this from the mom of two sets of twins that are only 20 months apart who is feeling very alone in this world at times. I forget that what they want is me and my time and I need to take advantage of that before they are older and don’t want me as much!
I just want you to know too that you are very blessed to have a mom like that to miss, I struggle with the mom that is hard to miss and to get along with too! Praying for you as you seek the best care for your mom and enjoy the time you have left!
You said it wonderfully! God gave our children the mom He wanted them to have. Why be some other?
The last thing I read that was this freeing was The Restorer, a novel by Sharon Hinck–a mom who struggles with the nagging voices that tell us we’re “not enough.”
That was a beautiful message. I think I’m just like you. I have good intentions with my own children but at the end of the day, it’s okay to just play Legos or dress dolls. They are happy to be with me even if it’s to snuggle and read a book. No fancy food dishes in our house but we love to make cupcakes together or just cook dinner together. Thank you for this message.
Wow!As a working mom I really needed to hear that today. Brought me to tears almost. Thanks so much for sharing and reminding all of us that we are enough!
absolutely WONDERFUL observation…spot on, and a very good reminder.
I was on Pinterest a while ago just thinking how many new scrapbooking material is there and I am not trying any of them … feeling like a failure. Thanks for bringing things into perspective. Can I translate this article to Spanish and put it in my blog? It is called Dulce Fragancia (sweet fragance)… it is a blog with Christian values with varied articles from home and family to arts and travel, etc. Thanks for considering …
Thank you! I needed this artical today! I am a mom of three little boys and somedays I just feel like I might not do enough. Thanks!
great advice! my kind of blogging mom.
great post! thank you for writing it.
Thank you so much for this post! I couldn’t agree more and appreciate you sharing your heart and thoughts so honestly and graciously.
Loved this! I am a super crafty momma and my friends always say what an awesome mom I am. But I am completely lacking in the homemaking skills department, I can barely wash a dish …. so even though I do most all of the things you posted about, I still feel like the most inadequate mom ever because I’m no good at laundry/cleaning/cooking etc.
But you’re right. My kids love me just the way I am. They love to cuddle with me and glue sticks onto birdhouses and plant seeds and sew with me. They couldn’t care less if the dinner is homemade or Banquet frozen dinner. They love me just the way I am – same way I love them. <3
Thank you for such a great reminder! Although I love, love, love Pinterest, seeing all those great ideas can make me feel lame sometimes! I have always been the type of person who always has to be doing something and sprucing up my home or making something nifty, but since I had my baby, I no longer have time to do all those things. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough, but I love spending time with my baby and she loves me and that’s all that matters right now!
So glad that this article could be an encouragement to so many. For me, crafts come easily and I struggle in the ways that you described with feeling insufficient Socially for my kids. I am glad I read this, but since it leaves me feeling bad and insufficient, I will move on to finding things that teach me how to become better with the social side of things, rather than focusing on how everyone is good at this skill except for me. I think we all must take this approach.
And the great thing is, flower soap, by itself, is not even as important as the things described here. So in a way, you all have it easy.
I think the true value of flower soap is this: expressing my love for my kids in a way that expresses who I am at the same time. It is sharing Me with them, and not just some generic mom idea. Each of you has a self to share with your kids also. For many, it will not be through crafts, because crafts are not a part of ‘who you are’ in the way that they are for me. It is wonderful to share myself with my kids, and important also to learn who they are and let them share that, even if it does not match me. This is where I must stretch and grow. If your kid loves flower soap, but you don’t, then go ahead and push yourself to learn how to make it (but probably use a more basic flower mold — that project looks tough! I don’t think I could do it either!). If not, then don’t let the accusing voice in your head condemn you. Flower soaps would not benefit YOUR family, and the time you spend thinking about it could instead be spent doing something that DOES benefit your family. Whether sharing yourself, or taking a nap now so you will be able to share yourself later. (Hugs count!)
Well that was just about the best thing I’ve ever read in my entire life EVER. Hmmm…I’m afraid I might not have emphasized how much I LOVED THIS ENTIRE PIECE AND NEED TO PASTE IT TO THE INSIDE OF MY SUNGLASSES. Fabulously stated. Perfect.
Perfectly stated!
So true, my mom isn’t here anymore and I miss her so deeply.
Amazing powerful words and so true. I’m so glad I stopped by and read this as I too fall into that trap of not feeling like I’m enougha and that everyone else has it together but me. Thanks you so much for sharing. I’m about to share with all my mom friends.
Blessings,
Anna & Co.
I so needed this today! Thank you.
I Just yesterday decided to live by the mantra ‘the Internet (pinterest, FB, etc.) is not your responsibility. It is the reward you get for taking care of your responsibilities.’ I need to stop wasting my life pinning good ideas and instead do what needs to be done around my house, be there for my kids and add in extras (like fun crafts and homemade bread) when I can.
Thanks again, this was perfect for me!
Nothing else to say except thank you for the wonderful reminder.
Tears. Thank you!!!!
You made me laugh. Thanks, Anna.
Thanks for sharing this! I read through some of the feedback…I’m guessing you weren’t trying to prove a point, get people to agree, be right, or have others be wrong. I felt it was an encouraging word to those of us that struggle in this area. Obviously, this isn’t a struggle for everyone. Thank you for the encouragement and the perspective…I needed to be reminded of this!
Sarah, I have a daughter who LOVES crafts. She was talking with me about this post, and she said, “Mom, Pinterest stresses you out, but I LOVE it! It makes me so excited to see new ideas.” What I’m discovering is that everyone has their strengths–and everyone shows love differently. It’s that balance of living according to our strengths while loving others in the way they need it most. You seem like an incredible mother and I appreciate your comment.
Thanks for this! I have felt this exact same way since I joined Pinterest! People cannot BELIEVE that I’m not “OBSESSED” the way they are! I don’t have the time or energy to be obsessed with anything except my family and what we have going on. I feel like Pinterest is there for me if I need something special, like a new eye makeup technique, or a special treat for a party or something. I have not allowed it to be there to make me feel bad. I know it would if I allowed myself to be “obsessed” with it. I know I’d never do any of the things I repin and at the end of the day I’d be like “well, that’s 2 (or 4 or 8….) hours I’ll never get back! I could have spent that time with my kids and husband! Love the article!
Thank you, I too find myself striving for the things of the world. I will give it more thought as we go thru our days. Also, my mom is in full time care and can’t even use the phone. It is a sad thing for all.
Amazing words and so true. Such a good reminder of what we need to invest our time in. Our sweet babies, aren’t they so worth it. Thank you for sharing. I’m so glad I stopped by.
Blessings,
Anna & Co.
wow. thanks for the perspective check! i compare myself to those organized and clean house moms all of the time. it’s a balance thing for me. I get out of focus and lose my balance. and my kids (and I) pay for it!
I honestly thought I was the only one who felt like a complete loser because I don’t do all of those “crafty” things on Pinterest.
Loved this article. We need to realize that people post their BEST stuff and greatest accomplishments on Pintrest. It’s NOT what most of us are just up to on any given day.
Pintrest isn’t the standard of living in our homes. Rather, it’s the glass cabinet in the corner of your living room displaying your smallest item you take pride in. It’s not what your life revolves around.
Thanks so much for writing and sharing this. I am new to your site, but I plan on checking back regularly.
I truly enjoyed your article. It was well said and as a working mom and a full time student, who does not have the time to do all these wondeful crafts and recipes, I completely agree with your perspective. It was very refreshing to read it and keep the first thing first.
I really needed this today. The past few days I’ve felt like a nobody. I deactivated my facebook account prior to reading this article on someone else’s page. Thank you for helping me realize that with God’s help my children do “want” me, but I have to be there for them first.
What a wake up…a must read!!! Thank you!!!
My best is good enough. Its OK for me to rest and play with the kind. Its about living a balanced life. It being happy now.
THANK YOU for writing this! I NEEDED this reminder! You were my BLESSING today!
I completely agree with your overall message here: that we are enough for our children exactly the way we are. However, it saddens me to know that (you and) so many mothers are comparing yourselves to each other and coming up short. It had never occurred to me to look at the things others share on Pinterest (or their blogs, Facebook, etc.) as a sign that I’m not doing enough or being enough as a mother. I enjoy Pinterest because I find it inspirational, I like sharing ideas, resources, and wisdom among my network, and I appreciate the ways in which others express their creativity and talents. I can’t help but think that this guilt-invoking way to use social media is more than a little bit user error: if you feel guilty, discouraged, and inadequate after looking at things on Pinterest, simply stop following the boards/people/topics that make you feel that way, and instead seek out boards and people who truly inspire and uplift you.
Thank you for this reminder! 🙂 I am always frustrated with myself for not doing all the things society thinks I should be doing to be ‘super mom.’ However, I do give my son quality time with ME…and *that* is what is most precious and what he’ll remember.
My mother died last November at the age of 56. She never had a facebook account, never had a blog (thought she did read mine), she never looked at Pinterest, and had no use for Twitter. We were her priority – she spent her life making our house a safe haven, and creating experiences in our own yard that made us know home was a very nice place to be. I look back over her life and think of all the things she “missed.” But if she had focused on them, we wouldn’t have had her – nor the respect and honor that are now hers because of her sacrifice. Her early death reminds me at 35 how true this article is – my kids couldn’t care less if I’m carrying a Vera Bradley bag or cooking with Pampered chef or having their lunch look like designer quality. I am so glad you took the time to write this! Thank you!
I came across this on facebook. Thanks so much for your inspiring words. I lost my mom a few years ago to Alzheimer’s- she was 62, I was 30. I miss her every day. Your piece was a beautiful reminder of what my son needs from me and what I miss about my own mother.
Great perspective, Steve….I like it!
This is an excellent post! Thanks for sharing this perspective!
AMAZING POST thank you!
April! I found this when a friend shared it on Facebook. I saw your picture and realized that I know you! Or at least, I did once upon a time. I’ll try to send you a message, but I will just say, Stover Hall, BYU, all the way.
I really appreciate the thoughts you share here. What a great reminder. As a blogger and Pinterest addict, your words really inspire me and aid me in my goal to reset my priorities and enjoy being with my children.
I lost my Mom to breast cancer 3 1/2 years ago. My MIL to lung cancer 6 months previous to that. My husband and I are deprived of our mothers, and my children are deprived of their Grandmothers. Their faults are much harder to remember now than all the good qualities they had. I try not to worry if the house is a mess, if dinner is not perfect or if I have to dig outfits out of a laundry basket as we are hurrying to get out the door to go to school. I try to be there for my kids in every way that I can. Sometimes I catch myself worrying about the little things. Thanks for reminding me of what truly is important!
thank you! thank you!
Thanks this article is awesome, and I’m glad it wasn’t just a guilt trip! 🙂 Prespective is vital to me right now in my life with 3 little boys. I love being a mom and need to constantly remind myself that I believe I have the most important job as a mother. I believe work is cleansing. We become better people as we work and keep trying. I try to only look up pins about things I’m wanting to do instead of viewing everything. I search for sewing techniques and DIY tutorials for kid’s clothing because that’s what I’m interested in.
Thank you so much for posting this. I am thankful to have a mother that is still very much present for me, but I know the time will come when she isn’t. Thank you for your encouragement to be myself for my children, and to stop wishing I’m someone else. Your post really ministered to me. Thank you again.:)
Awesome article. Reminds me that it is okay when I don’t get to vacuum the whole house, or all the beds are not made to perfection, or God forbid, the books on the shelves – be they electronic, hardback or paperback, are not arranged in size, alphabetic and feng shui order. God bless you, woman.
WOW! I needed that! Thank you for sharing!
Great post! we have to figure out the difference between what we can achieve by not loosing ourselves. ‘keeping it real’ is great! There is so much inspiration out there – but it’s called INSPIRATION!!! xoox, tracie
“…at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else.” I have unfortunately felt this way too often lately. All that you said is so true. We don’t have to be June Cleaver and Martha Stewart rolled into one. Thank you for the reminder 😉
Thank you for this. I am now getting off the computer and going to go play with my son. Thanks again.
Loved your article. Something I have to remind myself when I feel ‘less than’ enough. I think it’s interesting in reading some of these comments that some women can’t help interject statements of ‘what we should be doing as mothers’. As well intended as some comments may be, this is something that makes relationships among mothers and women difficult at best. Why do some women feel the need to put pressures on others to do what they ‘should’ be doing? Why do women always try to hold others to their standards? It’s often done by lifting themselves up while mocking the women that aren’t doing what they ‘should’ be doing. Sometimes it’s blatant and other times it’s subtle. It’s the same dangerous behavior that divides the working mom from the stay at home mom. Just because I don’t have a perfect house doesn’t make me less of a good mother. And also just because I do have a seemingly perfect house doesn’t make me less of a mother either. I think that sometimes in our self-justification we demean the loving efforts of other mothers and women.
this was powerful and beautiful. thank you so much for baring your heart. your vulnerability has encouraged me to be vulnerable to…to be myself unashamedly. and hey, who knows, maybe we’ll end up with some flower soap bar somewhere one day lol. really really encouraging 🙂 thank you again!
Thank you so much for that! Im 24 yrs old and have 4 children all under the age of four and one on the way….and I too get on these networks wondering why I can’t do the things I see!? I’m barely able to keep my house presentable, let alone worry about decor and special shaped foods, and do it your self craft thingys! And I get so down about my self because I’m not this “super mom”! But I will say this-my children have no doubt in their minds that I love them to no end and would do anything for them! I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who feels this way! Thank you again! 🙂
This is just the forehead slap I needed. I have been working so very hard on everything else, my house, my education, my garden, I’ve sort of put my son’s emotional needs on a back burner. I need to make time for him too.
This was so well said. I so often tell my husband that moms/wives biggest enemy sometimes is Pinterest/blogs/magazines and access to see so much and take so much in. The filter of making sure to live real life infront of us and not always be watching so many others is difficult. Sometimes it’s inspiration and other times it just needs to be turned off. Sites likes this seem to be encouraging and uplifting vs making us feel like we need to do/want/achieve more. Thanks for this!
Sometimes Pinterest/blogs/magazines can be our own worst enemy, right? We have to so careful choose what we put before our eyes so that it doesn’t discourage us unnecessarily. What a fine line the modern day mom is having to balance between being inspired and feeling “less than”. This was so well put and a great reminder!! Thank you for it!
I loved this and shared it with others! Thanks!
A-men! You speak the truth and I am thankful to have read it. I am so sorry that you miss your mom. I understand that emotion and it is gut-wrenching. Obviously, she is and was a wonderful mom and has taught you how to be a wonderful mom as well.
Wow! Think of how much nicer life would be if we could put less emphasis on the things that are nice and fun, but don’t truly matter. What a perfect reminder, especially for this day and age. This is a message that every woman needs to hear. Thank you thank you for sharing! Hit me right in the heart!
This made me smile and tears welled up in my eyes! Thank you for your well written words. Baby Mine is our bed-time song too:)
Wonderfully written! Thank you! I actually just wrote a post about how Pinterest actually gave me some ideas for fun during spring break. Great tips can be found there, but we must refrain from comparing with others.
Thank you. I needed this. I’ve been comparing myself (and losing) to a mommy blog of a woman whose children are all in school, and she doesn’t work outside the home. Of course she has time to do all the amazing things she does and blog about those things. But I like working. In fact, I love teaching high school. My boys are happy and healthy and don’t seem to have suffered from having a working mom one bit. In fact, if I pick up my youngest son from after school day care too early, he complains that he didn’t get time to play 4-square.
Also, my mom has severe dementia (only 68) and can no longer communicate. Every word you wrote about that was one I could’ve written. It’s the daily cry of my heart as I’m forced to let her go a little more each day.
wow . . I just always though of pinterest as a great resource that actually aids my efficiency. So many tips, trick, ideas saving me from figuring things out from scratch. I love being able to collect ideas so when I need to do something . . like a baby shower, dinner party, or birthday party I can find ideas and not waste time trying to think things up all on my own. Makes inserting magical moments into our lives so much more accessible. It helps me inject some fun into our everyday. Of course you can’t do everything you see, no one can, never thought people did or tried to. Ya, kids will love you plenty with simple basic birthday parties, and that’s fine,but they will love a fun coordinate one too. It isn’t bad if you find fulfillment in expressing your creativity that way. Pinterest just throws everyone’s strengths together, which I can see how some might look at as overwhelming. I just always thought of it as a great tool to pick and choose ideas for things you might of otherwise not tried doing, but offers creative fulfillment, and shows the beauty of and celebrates our creativity and talent.
Beautiful message, it reminded me of what my kids need from me, also after my mom passed last year it homes to what i wish i still could have with my mom
I am literally sitting here with tears in my eyes right now. I have been feeling that I am such a terrible mom for so long. I don’t do the things I feel I should, I don’t spend enough time with them or whatever. I don’t have the perfectly clean robotic house with everything in place. I’m always down on myself about that, but this post has made me feel so much better! Because when it comes down to it, my kids want ME, not someone that does all of that, they want ME!
Thank you!!! So true!!
What a ‘spot-on’ post! I *love* looking at blogs (I’ve avoided Pinterest so far 😉 ), and I’ve learnt so much from other mums, homeschoolers etc, but you are so right – what our kids will remember are the times you ‘chilled’ with them on the sofa, read out loud to them, played Charades and made a fool of yourself. The important stuff is love and laughter. I hope, in Christ, that’s what myself and my husband give to our kids more than anything else.
PS – I sure *hope* that’s what’s important to them, cos if it’s an immaculate house, I’m done for 😉
Thank you so much! I needed to hear this for me and my kids! I also lost a grandmother to Alzheimers and I missed her long before she was gone.I cried as I read your beautiful piece!m
Amen and amen! I’ve seen divorce creep in over this I’m-not-good-enough lie. Thank you.
WOW! I sure did need that!!
I love this!! I have even begun to feel this way when reading my friends’ posts on facebook of all the things they do with their kids. The next thing I know, all I can think about is how I’m a horrible mother because I can’t take my kids on a wonderful vacation once a year (Disney World, etc) or I don’t participate in every school event, or that I’m not on any boards, or I don’t run any fundraisers. It just goes on and on. I’m sure when my children are grown, they won’t say things like, “I had the worst mother in the world! She wasn’t on the PTO!” Instead, they’re likely to remember how I always put their towels in the dryer so they can dry off with a fresh warm towel after their baths. Or those moments when we’ve shared “inside jokes.” Or how I stepped back and let them learn something new on their own. Really great message!
Much needed message. Thank you. All my child really needs is love and to feel important!
One of the best posts I’ve read in a long, long time! Thank you for writing it.
Preach it!!! Thank you!
First time on your website and you made me cry. I am not a mom, by choice, but my mom died March 31st after a stroke. Your comments about missing your mom brought tears to my eyes. We always want our moms. No matter how old we get. There is nothing in the world like losing your mom.
What a wonderful reminder! My husband lost his mom a year ago in January and we can relate to missing a mom. Thank you for your beautiful words.
Wow, just wow. As I sit here with tears in my eyes and a napping little dude holding my hand… I;m thinking that riday can’t get here soon enough, since I’m taking my little dude to see my momma and daddy!
Openly bawling over here. Thank you for a beautiful post.
Thank you!
I really loved this post! I am a stay-at-home mom to 13 month old quadruplets. My living room floor is a mess, I’m always behind on the laundry, I forget to take the chicken out of the freezer just about every night…I don’t have the time (or the extra brain cells!) to make my home the perfect, organized, quiet place that I want it to be. It’s just all about survival to me! Even though we don’t have cable, I still find myself getting sucked into the idea that maybe I’m just not good enough and all of my kids are going to turn out horrible. Thanks for reminding me that they really don’t care if the table is covered in last week’s grocery sale ads, and my husband probably doesn’t mind if dinner is always late. They are just glad to have me. I needed to hear that!
Rebecca
http://www.theishumquads.com
I really needed to hear that.
Jes, all I can say is WOW! I am almost 44, and have a 7 1/2 yo daughter and a 4 1/2 yo son. I feel overwhelmed a lot. I feel sometimes like I am not giving both kids equal amounts of attention. I am amazed by someone like you!. Of course, I think I remember having a lot more energy at 24! :O) You just keep doing what you are doing. Sounds like you are doing just fine.
Wow. Absolutely. Thank you, this is beautiful – what you said about your own mom got me teary; I feel the same about mine.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and saying what really needs to be said. I teared up a little at “Baby Mine” because that is my daughter’s favorite song and we love to snuggle and listen to it or sing it together. Being a mom is being there and present in the moment and I am so glad that you brought that back to the forefront!
Thanks April – great post. I will def be sharing this with my mom friends and blog readers. We can all do with this reminder!
Thank you! What a perfect day to be reading this! With so much going on and deadlines I have to meet, I have been so wrapped up in what I need to do to meet those deadlines, I feel like I have become unfit in meeting the fun and creative needs of my girls. I have so many goals I wish I could be the creative and implementing mom of all that I see on Pinterest and other social networks, but in the end I have fun with my girls and know the simple things that they love the most. As for “missing” your mom, it made my eyes swell as it is always hard to lose that person you can share everything with – I have never had that opportunity to have someone close (besides my spouse) that I can share things with and one day will miss.
This was such a blessing to read! Thank you!
What a powerful post. It is so true – the world wants us to feel inadequate by what we see, giving us a false measuring stick. When we chase after all these falsities, we neglect the most important things in life…our children. Growing up, I had a friend who’s mother was so anal about having a perfectly decorated home that we couldn’t even sit on her bed for fear we might mess up the bed spread. Yes, she had a beautiful room, but even though it was her room, it was not a room that could be enjoyed. I’ve never forgotten that…but your blog reminds me today how many other things I’ve let take over in a similar way. Thanks for sharing such important wisdom. There’s nothing more important in our lives than relationships – and the beauty in those can’t be captured in a Pinterest photo.
THANK YOU! This brought me to tears! I’m always trying to find ways to be a better mom, and THIS IS THE BEST ONE I’VE FOUND! Thanks!
This made me cry…thanks so much for this reminder. This was what i needed 🙂
Well said! I am currently lying on my bed with my sick baby girl, while the other kids do homework, chores and have a snack in the rest of the house. While I long ago gave up the idea of a perfectly clean and organized home in favour of a team effort by the whole family to keep it livable, some days I feel guilty for not having cleaned the fridge lately, or for not yet having tackled the looming mountain of laundry. I had planned to have a cleanind day today when the kids got home (they each get a room with a list, and I help with the kitchen), but scuttled that plan when the youngest seemed to just need to snuggle with Mommy for awhile. I may not have a clean house, but my kids will remember that I was there for them when they needed me, and that some things are more important than taking out the recycle. Tomorrow we will clean the house, and today, I will give my little one what she needs while the other kids become a little more independant within the safety of our home and with Mom’s guidance close by. And someday, they will be able to clean their own homes…..unless their kids need some snuggle-time.
Great article, made me cry how much love you and your mother have. That is what I want for my daughter and I. I think I get caught up with other things than pinterest. But for me I just look as pinterest as a place that has great ideas and if I ever am in need to do something I have several ideas waiting. No way am I going to do a 1/4 of what I see, but it’s there if I have the energy to ever get around to doing it.
Thanks so much for sharing! It completely brought tears to my eyes. Us moms are often taken for.granted and need this extra encouragement!
Just for a second I thought I was a good mom because I have the aphabetised metal spice containers on the side of my fridge! But then I remembered all the millions of things I have seen online that I don’t have the time or the talent to do, and I am discouraged. I was not the best mom to either of my sons for different reasons – they are almost 13 years apart and now both grown. However, they never speak to me but what I tell them both how much I love them and am proud of the men they have become in spite of me…they love me back! It’s amazing that you don’t need a ton of money to make your kids happy, just spend some time with them – it goes by so quickly and then they are gone. With luck, the seeds you have planted will find fertile soil in their hearts…our oldest son and his wife are the best parents I know and its not because of their parents, but in spite of them! Give them God and they will be fine – decorated soaps, or not.
Simply lovely. I needed to read this today.
Was inspired by this!
Thank you! I needed this right now!
that was absolutely beautifully written….brought tears to my eyes…thank you for your words… :o)
A friend of mine posted this on Facebook, I think it’s a great message. What mothers forget (and I am not a mother yet, but a woman who wants to do all those things!) is that everything we see on Pinterest is not posted by one person- but by millions! It is possible to try one or two things, but not every single thing we see! No need to feel despair over not being the crazy mom who makes everything in the shape of something- if you do it once it will have so much more meaning than if you did it everyday!The best thing a child can have it someone who makes the smile, laugh, gives them time and makes them feel loved!
My husband tells me this over and over…”just be their mom – that is enough” and still I open up facebook, read a blog post, browse through pinterest and think “why can’t I be like THAT mom…or THAT mom…I must not be good enough”. It’s so foolish and so wrong – the only me I can be is ME. God created me for a unique purpose and calling – and THAT is enough. Thank you for this!
PS – My grandma passed away a week before Christmas this year. I can only imagine how much my mom misses calling her and just being with her. I cherish my mom all that much more now. And I pray that I would love her as much as she loved her mom.
perfect in every way. thank you and God bless you! Big Big HUG!!!
I ran into this talk online that an LDS Church leader (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf) gave to the women of his church. It made me feel like I’m not doing so badly as a mom :). I would encourage you to take a few minutes and sit down with a bowl of fattening ice-cream and enjoy it while you watch(don’t worry…you can take your kids on a walk, tonight, and burn it off!). [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMJTrAL-XLY&w=560&h=315%5D
Thank you for putting things in perspective. It’s funny how sometimes you hear the things you need to hear just when you need to hear them most. Reading this changed how I put my kids to bed tonight, and made my outlook for tomorrow so much more positive, thank you
Thank you for this reminder!
i don’t think this just applies to “moms”. i don’t have children (actually, we have a FUR BABY…a white boxer named homer, close enough to a kid for now) and i find myself constantly thinking i’m not a good enough “wife” “cook” “photographer” “friend”. we all need to take a moment and take a deep breath. thanks for sharing 🙂
Tears flowing as I read this. I’ve refused to join Pinterest because I feel inadequate enough without it. You have refreshed my soul today…I can’t thank you enough!
This hit home to me so clearly that I decided to post a link to it on my facebook page this morning. In just a matter of a few hours I had so many of my friends comment on it and share it to their pages as well. Thank you for sharing your heart on this topic – God used you to touch many women’s hearts and hopefully our children will reap the benefits of it as well.
This was so beautiful, and when I got to the part about your mom, it made me cry. (Lost my mom some years ago.) So raising 2 disabled kids, every day there is a “someone did it better” mom challenge for me. Or, the whole “bad mother” from the judgy people sitting next to us when my autistic daughter acts up. Or, the newest biomes treatment that will make them smarter, or the note from the teacher reminding me to do sight words, or, or, or, or…
I don’t care, because here’s what I know: my kids are happy, and our house is full of love, like a LOT of love. Hugs and kisses, and head bumps, girls being danced with or spun around. Laughter and games and dancing: THAT’s my family. And if my child can’t stand the dark light or an unpleasant taste makes her scream or my other girl doesn’t speak clear enough for the other kids to get her, who cares? We love them, they KNOW it, and they love us, and we don’t have any plans to change all that when they get older. House of love, with crayon on the walls and tangled hair and my complete inability to “plate” food 🙂 – that’s where we live
So true. Very good reminder. Thanks!
I laughed and cried thanks for writing this.
There should be a final point to the article(or a twist to the title). Children want their moms to reduce screen time period (in order to spend more precious time looking into their eyes, talking, playing, etc). Convicting all the way around.
I SO needed this…it’s like you read my mind! Thank you!!
What a great post. It made me look back at my own childhood and realize it was totally happy despite the fact that my mother never made us ghost cupcakes out of fondant for Halloween, or homemade lanturns out of modge-podged Dixie cups over Christmas lights for the arrival of spring. She never had cute seasonable decor and certainly never wore fashionable clothes. But it was a very happy childhood full of love. So just when I was questioning myself for the dozenth time as I admitted to yet another friend that I’m not on Pinterest, I now feel full of resolve to be proud that I spend that time I would have been online reading stories to my kids, snuggling with my husband on the couch, reading a good book, and being just who I am. Thank you.
Absolutely loved this. I laughed and cried. Thank you!
When my 4 kids were growing up we looked to parents magazine and friends for ideas. Pinterest and facebook is just the modern version. Both ways offer us the opportunity to learn and grow-and I was a hands on mom too.
Do I wish I had a green thumb-yes-but heck, I will just buy a tomato.
Can I make a mean brownie with my bestie-Betty Crocker whose triple chunk served warm to the choir kids were the bomb…..Absolutely!
Could I ever get those Knox Jello blocks to turn out-EPIC FAIL
Embrace what you are great at-keep practicing and learning and don’t worry about the rest-life is too short.
Oh-I’ve served in the pta, worked on committees and am still involved in a philanthropic sorority-WHY? because I enjoy it and like teaching my kids to be contributing members to their school and community-and I get great ideas too.(and it isn’t fair for some parents to do all the contributing either)
Thank you
well, it appears you are one of the moms, you have time to blog!
I passed this on to my mom, who is hard-working, darkly funny, and as supportive as they come, but often feels guilty for not acting like June Cleaver. But the fact of the matter is that her dedication to her career as a pediatric oncologist has inspired me to never be ashamed of my love for my work. After all, she has managed to do it all – she’s raised two daughters, kept a loving marriage with my father for 30 years, been wildly successful as a doctor, and still has time to perform with a semi-professional choir. Love, family, work, and hobbies – what else do you need? Love you Mom, and I’m more than happy to bake Easter treats for YOU instead of the other way around!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! It is so refreshing to hear that moms do not have to do it all and be perfect!!! We are only human and we are the ones that our babies want!!! Thank you!!!
I am single mom… and I have spent more days frustrated and think I’m not doing a good enough job…. because as I scroll through these ever so crafty mom blogs and Pinterest, I get sucked into the very dangerous world of comparison. I start to think “I should have done this…. I should have done that”… it asn’t until my awesome Shrink said :
NEVER SHOULD ON YOURSELF!
When she said it I about peed my pants because it sounds like “sh**” but that’s the whole point! Stop comparing and stop doing the shoula woulda stuff. Focus on the now!
Now, I still use Pinterest but very moderately. Usually if and when I’m in need of ideas… I don’t go on there everyday because I get stuck there for too long LOL and I get down on myself because I actually never do ANY of the pins I pin. And you know what?? THAT’S OK! I’m still a good, loving caring mom who is doing the every best she can! And so are the incredibly talented women who give the ideas. They aren’t perfect either… This is why I also limit my surfing of the crafty mom blogs. I love them, but I have to limit my use or else I get into that ‘I SHOULD be doing’ rut instead of focusing on what I am doing.
Now, I find myself reading more and posting more about my journey as a single mom and everything that encompasses it. 🙂
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING THIS! It’s a beautiful reminder that I AM indeed doing a wonderful job!
http://www.mynameisjacy.com
Thank you for that, I needed it! My heart breaks that you dont have your mom the way you used to! Made me tear up as I read that, cause my biggest fear is when that day comes! Thanks for the reminder to be present. Everyday we give our kids is a gift!
April,
There is help for your mom. Talk to a friend of mine who was able to help her mom.
Carol [email protected]
what a great article… another thing I’d like to add is not only to stop comparing yourself to others, but also stop putting those moms who do these things down! Yes, I cut out special shapes in sandwiches and do themed parties… its MY way to show my daughter my love. Others sing and read books in funny voices. Others sew clothes or choose to home school… I can’t do that. Don’t get me wrong, I do try to sing along or read aloud, but I certainly not spectacular to blog about. We all have our unique talents and ways to show our loves to our kids. We are already our own worse critics, we don’t need to bruise a fellow mom’s confidence by criticizing her efforts. She may be struggling with other mommy-insecurities that you don’t know of.
Oh, I love this. So so love this. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you! I’m closing pinterest and facebook, and going outside to play in the rain with my kids!
I am a young mom of 7, twin girls (9yrs) & 5 boys ages from 7 to 8mths. So many times
I feel like I could never be or do enough for them
thank you so much for this BIG reminder!
Hi April,
Appreciate this reminder. After my father was unable to care for himself at home, he moved in with us. The best resources for me were a book titled, “The 36 Hour Day” and a local Alzheimer’s support group. Going to the support group validated my feelings and was a tremendous relief hearing other families stories. Many thoughts and prayers for you and your family…
My mother has a type of dementia. We started noticing some forgetfulness figuring it was her age (in her early 80’s) and then something happened that doctors could never figure out and she went downhill very suddenly. I am her only living child and I deal with everything about her life. It is hard at times, but I love doing it for her. I have found the book “The 36-Hour Day” incredibly helpful even tho’ I do not have full-time care of her. It covers everything anyone dealing in any way with a person w/a dementia including Alzheimer Disease would need to know. I strongly recommend it. I cried when I read that part of your article about your mom. The mom I always knew is gone to me. It is very hard. But as a friend whose mother had the same thing told me, “You learn to love your new mother.” I wish you all the best. Your article was great, but that one part struck a familiar note with me. I pray your mom receives a good diagnosis and that God will give you strength. When decisions, problems, etc. have come on me suddenly or all at once, I have often felt I was unable to make a move, I waited, always praying, and He always worked everything out. I lean on Him constantly. This book can be used as a reference guide—mine is all marked up with notes, information, etc.
Thanks for the article April, I also saw a comment below you made about BALANCE….. I love that……
I want to be Mum, I want to be there for my kids, but I know I have allot going on in life, but if I can find small moments to make my kids feel special, I want to do it and make everything else work!!!!
Your are insipring (as I said to you in Sydney!!!!)
This is AWESOME!
I think I have seen your “waterfall” tutorial also! lol
Brad the stay at home dad 🙂
Thank you! It’s a great reminder in this crazy day in age when there are so many comparisons available online.
Very true. Lost my mom to cancer in my early 20’s. I miss her so much. She was far from a perfect pinterest-mom (and so am I!), but I know we so would have had fun sharing pins together and inspiring each other to try new things if she was still around.
Well, said. Thank you for pointing out that just because a mommy is blogging and crafting…it doesn’t mean we are failing in other areas or with our kids. 🙂 No one should compare themselves to anyone else. It is a natural tendency for women to do that, but our kids really do want US–just as we are–imperfections, strengths, and all!
Amazing! Thank you so much, April! I TOO OFTEN find myself wishing I was more than I am. If you ask my children though, I KNOW they’ll tell you I’m the best!
Thank you and amen! I have to take pinterest in small doses. Like once a month or only to get something I need that I previously pinned. Sometimes when I see these blogs of these millions of amazing projects that this mom does, I wonder how she finds the time to do projects, blog about them, AND give the kids the attention they need. I have a feeling something in that mix is getting neglected. I barely get a few pictures up for the grandparents to enjoy. And I do almost zero projects (I’ve been “painting” the nursery for about 5 months, now. I’ve basically only cleared the room and put painters tape up. That took me 5 months.) My husband and I recently decided to have “Limited Media Areas” of our home. Virtually nothing upstairs, aside from music and maybe looking up a recipe online, and skype with the family on Sundays. So our laptop stays in the basement office- somewhere I rarely go while the kids are awake. Or even asleep. It has really helped curb that habit because I was starting to get that pinterest/blog/facebook complex. No more. I’m a fantastic mother. Even if my house doesn’t look like a DIY magazine.
Thank you for the book recommendation. I so appreciate all this support. xo
Whoa! I am 52 years old and this post just said everything I’ve felt over the last years since reading blog written by young moms who seem to do it all and getting into Pinterest. I think in truth, you could ask any of my kids and they would say that they had a pretty great childhood with a mom who certainly couldn’t do it all nor did I want to. Great post! Great truth written hear.
Mary, I think you bring up a great point. We ALL have “time.” It’s just a matter of figuring out what’s within our capacity, what’s our priority, what we’re interested in, etc. I’m learning more and more to stop comparing–and just do what I do well in a way that feels right. Thanks for your comment!
I loved reading this. Wonderful insights.
lots of great messages in this article – simple things in life mean the most, enjoy life while we can, don’t feel like you need to compare yourself to others or do things “better”.
However, I see social media much more lightly (pinterest, Facebook, etc) – it’s a fun, creative media that let’s you ‘get away’ from the everyday mundaneness or stress. Let’s your brain get creative, let’s you reconnect with friends you might not get the chance to, and gives you IDEAS and INSPIRATION on how to be a better person, mom, etc. Keeping you motivated to be healthy, exercise, keep connected with friends does help improve your life too! 🙂
Thank you !!!! What a great post and so true for me !
lots of great messages in that article – simple things in life mean the most, enjoy life while we can, don’t feel like you need to compare yourself to others or do things “better”. However, I see social media much more lightly (pinterest, Facebook, etc) – it’s a fun, creative media that let’s you ‘get away’ from the everyday mundaneness or stress. Let’s your brain get creative, let’s you reconnect with friends you might not get the chance to, and gives you IDEAS and INSPIRATION on how to be a better person, mom, etc. Keeping you motivated to be healthy, exercise, keep connected with friends does help improve your life too! 🙂
a few seconds
Thank you for your words. What a great read and a great way to remember what is really important.
As a new mom, this was such a great reminder and made me think about what I want my kids to remember – mainly that I played with them and did my best to focus on them when they are around instead of focusing on the newest internet sensation. Thanks for this honest, transparent post. It brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you this was awesome! 🙂
This is beautifully written, and has a beautiful message behind it of being balanced.
I read through most of the comments though and was a little discouraged by the number of people who were quick to criticize the social networking world of blogs, pinterest, facebook…
The theme of this article is BALANCE! Blogs are not bad things. There is a wonderful community of blogging moms who aren’t sacrificing their children for the internet. They are taking time for their hobbies in addition to being fantastic moms. That’s part of being balanced, too. We as mothers need to dapple in things we enjoy in order to have true balance whether that be cooking, decorating, crafting, sewing, or blogging.
I don’t blog when the kids are awake. Most blogging mommies are crafting and blogging when the kids are napping or in bed at night.
Balance is about taking time for ourselves, too. 🙂
One of the most heartfelt things I’ve read in a long time – right from the heart. I love it. Those special mommy-child moments are precious! Priceless! It’s easy to feel pulled in so many directions but you nailed it… All they want is mommy. And wow, what could be better. Thank you for sharing your openly.
Beautifully expressed, April! Thank you for voicing what so many of our hearts feel.
This brought tears to my eyes in such a good way. Thank you.
This also brought me to tears. Sometimes I get so engrossed in what I need to do online or in life that I forget that my kids just need me and that is all. I just need to be present.
thank you for reminding me of what is most important. our strengths,not someone else’s, is what our children will remember. beautifully written. i needed it so much today.
I love this. The part about your mom made me weep. My mother is 54 so she still has some good years ahead of her and I just dread the things you mentioned. My mom is my best friend and I’m so grateful for everything she’s ever done for me and I appreciate her so much.. Your post reminded me that I should tell her that more often. Thank you.
April,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Your honesty is humbling and inspiring. Us moms too often forget the most important part of being a parent. It doesn’t matter how clean the house is or how fancy the decorations are for the birthday party. Our kids just want us and our unconditional love. In a society where we are constantly measuring ourselves up to the “perfect” mom image, we lose site of what is most important. We need to do less FOR our kids and more WITH them. Thanks so much for your beautiful words.
You may not have the gift of ice-cream cone shaped snacks, but you have the gift of empathy and expression through writing!
I’m sorry to hear about your mom; my grandma started having forgetfulness and aphasia in her early nineties! My mom gets distressed about it and I keep telling her that it’s ok, give grandma a break, and that she’s lucky her mom was so healthy for so long!
What a wonderful reminder to us all. Enjoy the times you get to spend with you Mom even though she is losing her memory. In a couple of weeks, it’s my Mom’s birthday, but it’s also the 10th birthday she has spent in heaven. I miss her everyday and what I wouldn’t give just to have a conversation with her…about anything!
so needful! probably the best way to do your best for your family. <3
just read this……I miss MY mom too…oh, she’s still here, but I miss the mom who used to drive to my house when I needed her or she’d just stop by because she was out yard sale-ing or whatever ..now my dad has to drive her everywhere………I miss talking to her……. oh, I can still talk to her, but she can’t hear real good and I get so frustrated (patience is not a virtue of mine, not even close)…that I don’t talk as much to her anymore, but I will, I have to……….this was a great article.
Thank you so much for putting yourself out there and posting this. Wow – what a moving post – you made me cry! The link to this post is making the rounds by my Facebook friends and I’m so glad I finally ‘clicked.’ This is such a perfect reminder with perfect timing – I plan on keeping the Facebook link going because I know I must have friends who need the reminder as much as me!
This was so beautiful, it made me cry. I feel the same way about my own mother, and I know my daughter feels this way about me (so far – she’s only two – we have a long way to go! But on the right track!). Thanks for sharing this powerful reminder.
Thank you so much for sharing this April. I’m not a mom yet – planning to start working on that a little later this year – but this is an idea that resonates with me as well. Sometimes it seems like it’s easier to get down on yourself for not being “perfect” than to recognize and appreciate yourself for your own special gifts.
I lost my mom four years ago, and your post is so true!!! It’s all the little everyday things that matter most 🙂 Thanks for the reminder!
I truly loved this. It brought me to tears. I unfortunately lost my mom to a long battle of heart disease 2 years ago and it pains me today like the day she was taken from this world. But i have to say that i for the most part do not compare myself to others…that is one lesson my mom taught me from early on. I am who I am and not what others want me to be. I try really hard to spend QUALITY time with my daughter. I work nights so weekends are all we get to have and sometimes on a saturday we lay in my bed relax and watch a movie on the tv. I miss her being so little that i could hold her and this makes me feel like I can. Thank you.
I came to understand this after two things:
1) Hearing from a talk therapist friend that there are women so addicted to pinning, FB, email, etc, that their children are ignored and are starving, unbathed, and undisciplined little terrors
2) Losing my parents to a drunk driver. The silver lining of this kind of tragedy is that you truly live every day like it could be your last (or your children’s or spouse’s last) and you want to spend every waking moment with them, and you don’t want your children to question what your priorities were after you are gone!
very, very, very well said!
thanks,
Beautiful post with a beautiful message!! thank you.
What a beautiful message. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I must read it again since I may have missed some of it due to the tears in my eyes. Thank you again!
I think your overall message is incredibly important but I think the root of the problem lies deeper than blogs and Pinterest. The fact is, is rarely healthy or productive to compare yourself to someone else, whether it’s the online world or the real world.
Thank you for that comment, Jennifer. I whole-heartedly agree. The online world has been a huge blessing in my life. Some of my dearest friends were met through blogs, and this entire organization thrives in the online world. I appreciate you being able to identify the focus here. 🙂
What a beautiful message. You just made me realize all of things do not matter at all! I look forward to more readings from you!
Great post 🙂
So much to say!
My response here!!!
http://connertonphotography.com/blog/?p=2128
YES! Thank you! Sometimes I very carefully read the tagline of certain blogs I follow because, while I’m sure they mean well, so often the topic is how to be better. I easily feel guilty and some days, I’m just not up for that. I have to constantly remind myself that I’m doing the best that I can. I was trying to think of the ways I’m a good mom and all I could do was find the ways I fall short. The next day my daughter told me what a great mom I am. I asked her why and the main things were that I smile a lot and do fun stuff with her. So now I can focus on those things :o)
This is the 4th time in 2 days I’ve come back to read this. Why? Because I’m a perfectionist. Because I overwhelm myself trying to be this Super Mom. What *I feel a Super Mom is. Not who my children see. I try so hard not to make mistakes that I miss the lessons in those mistakes….if I don’t take the lesson, nothing changes. Thank you for writing this. Thank you for putting out there was sadly has become of many many many many moms these days. I hope they see, just like I have, that our miss just want an I love you, a cuddle, a kiss, your time, 3 mins could change their world.
Thank you for writing this. I NEEDED to read this message and be reminded that I am okay.
Your gorgeous little poem is just what I needed to read today… and your post, April. I’ve been so frustrated with the mess and so distracted by technology, so disappointed in myself for not being all of what I am supposed to be, this was like a bolt of lightening lighting up my dark sky. I hope it sears a place in my souls and keeps me heading in the right direction. Not sure how I am going to daily remind myself that I am what my kids need, not a perfectly spotless house, or super cute handmade clothes, or the latest fun thing… just me, some play dough, or a piece of chalk to draw a hopscotch…
Thankyou!,
Exactly Tiffany!! I love Pinterest for that reason! Being able to see all the great things OTHER people do. I have no intention of doing 3/4 of it. Although, I did make the kermit/rainbow fruit which was awesome.
I also found it pretty ironic this was on a blog, and I noticed it from Facebook…..
I feel exactly like you do. I have 4 kids and most of my friends are “Pinterest SuperMoms” and it makes me feel so inadequate. Thank you for reminding me that i am more then just the papermache and paint mom, i am all about love and play!
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. Thanks, April!
This was an awesome post. Yes, our kids need US. Great reminder.
Thank you, beautifully written! Need the reminder-every day!
Thank you! I write this with tears, I started reading the article out-loud to my husband and couldn’t finish about half-way through. Thank you for telling me I am enough, this is something I struggle with on a daily basis, but I will no longer struggle! I will be there for my family.
I am not a mother, but with a very overloaded schedule, I often feel less than adequate too. Thank you so much for this insightful blog and for reminding me that our mom’s are not going to be around forever. I sent my mom a tear stained message thanking her for all she has done for me in 26 years. Thank you for reminding me how precious that is. <3
So beautiful! I cried my way through thinking, Yes Yes Yes!!! That is me! And by the way, I sang Baby Mine to my daughter too!! Tomorrow my baby is auditioning for her high school show choir. She is singing Baby Mine!! 🙂 And so it goes…..!
Exactly what I needed to read-thank you so much for sharing!
Perfectly articulate, powerful and true. Thank you so much for taking the time to write down those thoughts and share them around the world. I am a better mother today for having read it. xx
I am Mindy from CuteGirlsHairstyles.com, one of the moms April mentioned in her article. I want to thank April for a well-written article that has helped me look at my own insecurities in a different light!
Although hairstyles are what I am known for, I am not a hairstylist by training. My goal is simple… to save moms time in the mornings and provide a little daily quality bonding time between mother/daughter.
I have heard others say that I have the ideal life and family, a “Pinterest” mom… but there is nothing perfect about me. A 5-minute hair tutorial isn’t my life. Yes, my girls are good about the hair only because we have done it since they had the tiniest amount to work with. But behind that, you would see 6 kids squabbling from time to time, homework struggles, kids sneaking food, lack of piano practice, the infamous “Not Me” family member, sleep-deprivation bags under my eyes, and a home that goes from clean to dirty in a matter of seconds. My son also has hyposensitivity disorder, where he cannot sense pressure/pain like others, which invites a whole different set of problems that sometimes make me feel like the most horrible mother.
I am the first to admit that I spend a little too much time on Pinterest admiring the talents of so many creative moms, desperately wishing I had their talent… all the scrap-booking moms (because I am not one), all the moms who make cute lunches for their kids (cooking is not my forte), the warmly decorated homes, creative crafts, etc… the list goes on.
Like another poster stated above, I need to recognize that Pinterest is not 1 woman posting millions of ideas… it is millions of women posting 1 idea. What I like about Pinterest, because I am not a creative genius, is that when I need an idea for Teacher Appreciation Day for example… BAM… a quick search provides it.
As women we put way too much pressure on ourselves to live up to some crazy ideal that doesn’t exist. Instead of using the pin/post/blog as a resource as it was intended… we often tend to judge or criticize ourselves for not having that talent. I am guilty. What this post shows me is that we each have talents others desperately desire. Thank heavens we have kids, husbands, parents, good friends… and articles like this to help awaken us to our true worth!
Now I’m off to wrangle my kids to bed… ☺
Ohhhh. I soooo needed to read this right now. You have no idea. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I loved this. Thankyou. What a gift for us mom’s enslaved to the idea of having to be that perfect “pinterest” mom. I’ve never liked Pinterest, but that is because I hate crafts, and the idea of having something else to do, but I was feeling guilty about it! Ah the crazy pressures we put on ourselves.
Thanks for your honesty, and for reminding me to love my Mom.
Wow!!!! Thank you so much. I really needed this today!
Wonderfully written and true from this mother’s child’s for sure…
I am Mindy from CuteGirlsHairstyles.com, one of the moms XXXX mentioned in her article. I want to thank XXXX for a well-written article that has helped me look at my own insecurities in a different light!
Although hairstyles are what I am known for, I am not a hairstylist by training. My goal is simple… to save moms time in the mornings and provide a little daily quality bonding time between mother/daughter.
I have heard others say that I have the ideal life and family, a “Pinterest” mom… but there is nothing perfect about me. A 5-minute hair tutorial is not my life. Yes, my girls are good with the hairstyling only because we have done it since they had the tiniest amount of hair. But behind that, you would see 6 kids squabbling from time to time, homework struggles, kids sneaking food, lack of piano practice, the infamous “Not Me” family member, sleep-deprivation bags under my eyes, and a home that goes from clean to dirty in a matter of seconds. My son also has hyposensitivity disorder, where he cannot sense pressure/pain like others, which invites a whole different set of problems that sometimes make me feel like the most horrible mother.
I am the first to admit that I spend a little too much time on Pinterest admiring the talents of so many creative moms, desperately wishing I had their talent… all the scrap-booking moms (because I am not one), all the moms who make cute lunches for their kids (cooking is not my forte), the warmly decorated homes, creative crafts, etc. The list goes on.
Like another poster stated above, I need to recognize that Pinterest is not 1 woman posting millions of ideas… it is millions of women posting 1 idea. What I like about Pinterest, because I am not a creative genius, is that when I need an idea for Teacher Appreciation Day for example… BAM… a quick search provides it.
As women we put way too much pressure on ourselves to live up to some crazy ideal that doesn’t exist. Instead of using the pin/post/blog as a resource as it was intended… we often tend to judge or criticize ourselves for not having that talent. I am guilty. What this post shows me is that we each have talents others desperately desire. Thank heavens we have kids, husbands, parents, good friends… and articles like this to help awaken us to our true worth!
Now I’m off to wrangle my kids to bed… ☺
Wonderfully written and true from this mother’s child for sure…
I used to envy moms who take 1000s of photos and have so many scrapbook albums of their children and family and vacations and document every ounce of their children’s life. I resolved to the fact it would not be like that in my house because 1) I’m lazy, and 2) I’m always forgetting to take the picture because I was actually watching what was happening. I may not have a lot of vacation photos (exactly 3 from our days at Yosemite, regrettably), but I do have a lot of memories.
The envy finally died away as I sat in the back of a “pumpkin wagon” for yet another pumpkin patch tour, but also the last one, with my youngest son and his preschool class…a preschool I’ve sent 3 boys to and have been with for 6 years. Beside him was another mom, and across from her was my son’s classmate, another little 4 year old. Her son was oohing and ahhing the fall decorations and objects on the tour. He kept pointing them out to his mom, “Look mom! Look! Look at that! MOM!” She had a camera glued to her face. A very impressive looking real camera with real film.
The other boy finally said, “Nevermind mom, you missed it.” Yep. That’s right. She was busy documenting the fact she has a son, rather than actually enjoying the fact she has a son.
Between my son and I, I was the one pointing things out so he wouldn’t miss it. I was also trying to shield him from the various scary things, as the tour goes Halloweenish at night, and he’s quite not fond of spiders. I think I took 2 photos that whole trip, and they’re somewhere on my computer, or a SHOPPING CART on a photo website.
Perfect Idea!
Thank you for this post!!!!
hank you so much. s really hit home I try and try but never feel it’s enough I look at these women I call Betty Crocker moms and I try so hard to do those thing but with 4 girls it’s very hard. Reading this has helped me be content with the things I do as a mother. I know my kids just enjoy our time together and long talks about our day.
So true!!! I’ve thought, prayed, and written about this very issue quite a bit. Then I open my laptop (or just look around at all my amazing friends), and I have to start all over again remembering that He created me, too . . . . . regardless of how I match up to all the amazing people I’m surrounded by.
Thanks for the re-reminder, and blessings to you.
i just got a good wakeup call.thank you so much.me and my children are forever grateful
So very very true! Thanks for this!
I join the hundreds of other moms who say, “thank you!” I have to remind myself that my daughter would rather I sit on the floor and make her laugh by putting socks on my head than create elaborate lattice designs on the tops of homemade pies.
Jenna
callherhappy.com
AMEN!
Wow. Made me well-up. My boys are 4 months & 20 months. I remember my mom looking back & saying repeatedly, “I wish I’d spent less time fretting about the house being clean and tidy. I wish I’d scolded you less for muddy shoes and dirty clothes…” etc. I took that to heart and remind myself that sitting down with my toddler and reading 15 books is the greatest thing in his life. He lights up when we sit at the window bird spotting or airplane spotting or school bus spotting together. There are times I am tempted to feel discourages because my house is not clean & tidy, I have 5 loads of clean laundry on the couch, wrinkled, waiting to be folded. I have a good, thick layer of dust on my shelves. My kitchen is clean (though not always super tidy) and my bathrooms are clean. And my boys are secure and happy. My kitchen is full of peekaboo around cupboard doors, and laughter at silly penguins on animal planet and singing & dancing all the time with everything. I may not have put makeup on in three days, but my children couldn’t care less. They are learning and growing. So I ask myself: what am I teaching my children? To go play by themselves because mommy has to clean or decorate or beautify? Those things are well and good, but not at the expense of missing my sons face light up because a butterfly landed on the windowsill. God forbid that my infant’s eyes not light up because I don’t make enough eye contact with him on a regular basis. I
I chose to be a mom. When I did so, I also chose my priorities. I will curl my hair during naptime. I will exercise after the kids are in bed-if I have any energy left. I Will forego things that I want to do (like have a clean, tidy, pimpterested house. )
Why? Because I am dedicated to raising good, Godly, respectful, secure and happy boys. Because I love them with all of my heart.
For your mom: Going gluten-free and making sure her Vitamin D level is between 50-60 ng/ml may help. Alzheimer’s seems to be an inflammatory disease and both suggestions help reduce inflammation. Google will show you some articles, too.
Thank you for a brilliant article!
So grateful to have come across this!
Lisa, I feel your pain with the same thoughts directed at my daughter. Hang in there, you’re great just the way you are and kids figure that out…eventually…so I have been told
Oh, this was so beautiful! I can’t even tell you how your honesty touched my heart. Thank you.
This was truly a beautiful blog & very much needed, it brought tears to my eyes. I never feel like I am doing enough or that I am enough for my kids, thanks for taking some of the pressure off to be perfect & reassuring me that my kids just need me, not June Cleaver or anyone else, just me, simply loving them & creating our own special memories together. Thanks for reminding me that some of the most special times growing up were just simple, not over the top, things that have impacted my life forever. Many thanks.
Great to hear that you are comfortable with who you are. Many women struggle with learning that one thing. Your husband is probably living in a fantasy land, maybe talking to him though you have probably already done that however repetition of how his comments affect you is always good. Whatever happens, remember that you are the mum your kids need 🙂
I find it so interesting that I go around saying I do all of those things for other people’s sakes. Rather than trying to earn our place as mothers, we need to remember that we’re good mothers NOW, like April says, and that’s what our kids want. And if we weren’t lucky to have mothers who reminded us of how special we are WITHOUT HAVING TO EARN OUR SPECIALNESS, then we need to remind ourselves and make sure our kids are raised with the right message–that they’re worth more than gold all on their own. And that nothing, not even successful potty training!, is more important than them AND us feeling loved. And if we weren’t lucky to have mothers who took time away from their doings to tell us how special we are, we should probably tell them how special THEY are. They’ve been working hard trying to prove something that doesn’t need to be proven!
Thanks for the post!! LOVED it! Cried. 🙂
I loved the message but at the same time I have found many fun things to do WITH the little ones. It is ways to save money, to give gifts from the heart.It is my time late at night, is my good book, my tv replacement at night. It is all about balance. No matter what you are doing …Pinterest,housework or talking with other grown ups… Stop and give thoses children your love!
Thank-you, Thank-you, Thank-you. So well written. I love your heart. I can feel the love you are surrounded by. God bless you and your family
I just couldn’t help but laugh because I have those spice containers in your first picture (but with little paper stickies on them). Those are not homemade – they are from bed bath and beyond and I got them for my wedding 🙂 But yes I do see your point in this blog. When I see some friends “pin” crazy stuff – I say to them “you are NEVER going to actually do that!” I only “pin” stuff that I really think I would do, and only things that look fun or look like it would make life easier. Otherwise, I’d much rather sit around a messy house playing with my daughter. My philosophy is the chores will always be there, but she won’t always be little. I hope my daughter feels that way about me someday like you feel about your mom. Thanks for sharing!!
I used to envy moms who take 1000s of photos and have so many scrapbook albums of their children and family and vacations and document every ounce of their children’s life. I resolved to the fact it would not be like that in my house because 1) I’m lazy, and 2) I’m always forgetting to take the picture because I was actually watching what was happening. I may not have a lot of vacation photos (exactly 3 from our days at Yosemite, regrettably), but I do have a lot of memories.
The envy finally died away as I sat in the back of a “pumpkin wagon” for yet another pumpkin patch tour, but also the last one, with my youngest son and his preschool class…a preschool I’ve sent 3 boys to and have been with for 6 years. Beside him was another mom, and across from her was my son’s classmate, another little 4 year old. Her son was oohing and ahhing the fall decorations and objects on the tour. He kept pointing them out to his mom, “Look mom! Look! Look at that! MOM!” She had a camera glued to her face. A very impressive looking real camera with real film.
The other boy finally said, “Nevermind mom, you missed it.” Yep. That’s right. She was busy documenting the fact she has a son, rather than actually enjoying the fact she has a son.
Thank you for this! I’m not even a mom yet, and probably won’t be for a long time, but I want to print this out and save it for when I am! This was wonderful and a good thing to remember even when we’re not moms yet.. That doing our best isn’t the same thing as doing THE best. 🙂
Thank you for the wonderful letter. Children grow up so fast and do want their mothers around. Whatever extra you can do is fine, just do it with them.
You brought me to tears. I think of how much I don’t accomplish in a day instead of what I have accomplished. I cherish the fun times, not keeping the house clean. I jumped on the trampoline with my daughter this evening as we jammed to our new stereo then pushed her a bunch on the tire swing. These are the times I’ll miss. Not how clean I was able to keep my house. Thank you so much for reminding me that I can’t be superwoman no matter how hard I try. Time is what matters, time and attention.
Every word of this post had my heart leaping with joy and appreciation. There is so much beauty in your message.
And then I got here:
“But then the tears started, and I had to use every ounce of control to keep my voice even so she wouldn’t know I was crying.”
And my heart wept. I’m hearing that you felt you needed to hide your tears/emotions/vulnerability from your mama, the one person who you said loves you for just being you.
It’s not really a noticing about you so much, as it is for all of us…. we all talk about and promote authenticity and self-love and being true to ourselves and then… we choke back and conceal tears and hide our deepest pain from others…
Just wondered if you or anyone else noticed this too?
Thank you – great post!
Loved this article so much that I immediately shared it on Facebook. Thank you for posting.
THANK YOU! The last weeks -I have been working extra hard to set up everything for homeschooling my son (5), programs, which approach, paperwork, the perfect setting for our “class-play” area, materials, amazon hunts, agonizing over how to “cure” his hate for schooling (I pulled him out) I was trying to make things perfect. THaNK you por reming me that they are ALL READY perfect!
This is a great post. I have really been trying to see what kind of a mom I am, and what legacy I am leaving my children. My friend just wrote a book called Your Daughter Needs a Hero and it has totally changed how I see myself. (She spoke at our church and gave out free copies, so I decided to read it to support her)I am trying really hard to not talk down about myself, and convince my husband not to. It’s amazing how much we don’t see in our selves. And how much we don’t realize that we put ourselves down. Our kids see that everyday. And at the age my kids are (almost 3 and 6 months) they are seeing this and aren’t able to process what it means and why we say it. I highly recommend this book as an eye opener. And I think we need more blog posts out there like yours so thank you for putting this out there.
Thank you! You are so right! My 3 year old keeps telling me “I want you to sit with me!” How lucky I am!
I really needed to hear this after working all day and constantly feeling like I’m not doing enough! Thanks!
I needed this today. Thank you.
Beautiful post with a much needed reminder. Thank you!
Every mother who is currently in the trenches should read this article. Thank you for your validation of motherhood and for the perspective your article gives each of us. Loved it!
I think we all struggle with this comparison problem. For me, the best thing to do when I feel myself getting into the “I’m not good enough” mindset is to cut myself off from the source of the problem, whether it be Pinterest or other blogs. Once I’ve spent some time with my darling son who really loves me for who I am and can make me laugh in a heartbeat, I find myself gaining the appropriate perspective again. Creativity is a gift. What we women seem to forget all too often is that the beauty of creativity is that it looks different for each person, so there’s no need to feel like our ideas are inferior. Such a great post! Thank you for beautifully speaking the truth.
I don’t know that I have ever cried and laughed so much in reading just one post. Such good sense. I too have the best mother in the world, very close to her. Never have I thought about our relationship changing so dramatically like that. My mother is in her mid-60’s and I just don’t think about her aging. My heart aches for you! and I am praying for you.
wow, needed this! thanks!
Wow. This was amazing! I read through the comments after the post and even though I really don’t have much of anything new to say I just thought that with a post like this it couldn’t hurt to throw you another “THANK YOU!!!” from a mom that was so touched and inspired to wake up fully charged tomorrow. I’m a single mom, and I have a special needs child too. I feel like I am failing at so many things everyday with my kids and I have felt like as much as I love and adore my kids that I would be a better mother if I gave them to someone who could do it “better” or “right.” I’ve never done that and I miss them terribly when they’re gone even overnight to grandma’s house but that feeling has tried to eat me alive. So yet again you have another mom who saw this and cried because you’re so right. As much as I may mess things up in a day my kids are still my biggest fans and all they want when they wake up, when they go to bed and every minute in between is THEIR mommy. Thanks again. You have a new devoted fan. Best wishes.
MINDY!!! How fun to see you here. My daughters LOVE your site, and I have finally learned to braid, because of you. Thank you for your wise words. I feel like I know you from watching all your videos. 🙂 xoxo
LOVE that!!!
I’m in tears because this hit so close to home. My daughter isn’t even 3 yet and sometimes I feel like I’m failing. But when you talked about your nighttime ritual, I remembered ours. She tells me, “Mommy, we have to do our fing!” and then jumps into my arms. (Our thing is me holding her while she turns off the light, closes the door, kisses her christmas tree nightlight, touches the “music” – radio, and turns the closet light out. Then I hold her for a minute, kiss her, and tuck her in.)
Thanks for the reminder that I don’t need to compare myself to everyone else… that what I do is right for her.
I so needed to read this today. Thanks!
So spot-on I am speechless! Thank you for saying what so many of our hearts are feeling!
I love you April. Just wanted to let you know:-) I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth, we are just in the midst of moving and craziness. You are truly such a caring person, beautiful inside and out. Your words touched my heart tonight. Thanks for making me laugh and cry:-) Btw, I came to this article through Pinterest, lol;-) Your smiling little face popped up in a pin and I just HAD to see what you were writing about today. SO glad I did!
well said!!
April you and Ashley Judd need to write a book together. 🙂 Between her interview and your writing, it’s been an amazing day for women and truth. You have touched so many people – including me!! Thank you!
I am truly inspired by your words. My husband and I are expecting our first child in October and I am… excited. To be honest I have been a nanny for the past 10 years, and as much as I have loved my jobs, I am also completely aware of all the work that it takes to raise children. I also love pinterest and all the neat ideas that I see on there. But the practical side of me looks at so much of it and thinks, when in the world would I have time to do all this! Its overwhelming and makes me wonder if I am going to be the mom that I want to be, the one that I have always dreamed of being. Sometimes I wonder if my job has ruined me slightly because I am not going into motherhood naive. I know that being a mom means always placing someone before you, its always be selfless, loving at all times, a teacher and someone you can lean on. I am excited but I am also full of knowledge. Your post inspired me because I know that its not going to be easy but it will always be worth it. Thank you for your honesty.
right on!
Thanks, April! I am sooooo happy you and your girls like the hairstyle tutorials! The Dutch Braids do look great on them! I hope you do not mind, but I posted this article to our FB fanpage of over 56,000 tonight… it might have contributed to the website crash! Sorry! ☺
what a powerful message! Thank you for that eye opener. I want and try to do so much in a day that I loose focus on the “real” opportunities standing right in front of me..my family. They love me with or without those homemade cookies, the always made beds, the “ideas’ on pinterest! It’s time we (I) should realize this and start seeing the “real” right before me. Thanks for such a great lesson.
Oh, I’m SO glad I read this today! thank you. 🙂
Thank you for posting this! It’s really what I need to hear and read……on a daily basis….
Wow! Sorry for all the typos in my comment… Apparently I was preoccupied!! Probably multi-tasking between leaving a comment and getting my son dinner… Lol 😉 I can spell and make proper sentences, usually 😉
Oh wow, what beautiful words, and just what I need right now. Thank-you so much
You make me laugh. Thanks, Mindy! Glad the site is back up . . . and my girls will be THRILLED when I show them your comments tomorrow. Seriously, you’re a superstar in our home.
I am one of those that constantly fall victim to guilt and inferiority. Last night we played a simple game of 30 seconds and they joy on the children’s faces was amazing. We have recently disconnected our TV and have taken up other activities like puzzles, games, reading and just being together and already it has made a huge difference. Thank you for this post – keeps life in perspective!
so deeply touched by this….. i relate especially to the part where you walked through ‘missing’ your mom. thank you for sharing your heart and reminding us all that the simplicity of our children’s love for us should be catalyst for us to stop comparing, stop judging ourselves and just get on with loving these treasures that are our kids, as simply as they love us!
My husband and I used to drown in social “expectations” for parenting. Recently we did the best thing we ever could have and packed our life up to move to cohousing at The Yarrow Ecovillage. We now live (in Strata) on a 20 acre farm, walking distance to essentials, with neighbours who care and work together. It means a richer life for my kids without driving them all over the city. It means more time with the kids- but also more joy in community living. If you have cohousing near you I highly recommend our new lifestyle to any and all families feeling the strain of rat racing.
Thanks for your post. I Tweeted it from the Ecovillage account because it sums up a shared value we have here perfectly!
I understand where you are coming from…BUT what do you do when your husband spends too much time on the internet, reading magazines, watching TV and talking to other women and then decides that YOU aren’t good enough to be the mother of his future children or special enough to be his wife? Not all of us are lucky enough to have someone who sticks around, let alone sticks around and thinks you’re special. Stop complaining that you get depressed looking at these sites.
I so needed this today. And most days. Thank you.
Beautiful message! Celebrate the kind of mom you are! We are so different. We need not compete nor compare. I love my Pinterest junkie friends and they’ve given me fabulous ideas. I know who I am and I am OK with that!
When my children were in jr. and sr. high school cell phones were invented. Every time I was driving I would see moms in other cars on their cell phones while driving with their kids in the car. I always felt that the time spent with your kids in the car with you are sometimes the only time you have alone to talk about things, ideas, problems and what happened today at school, or problems with their friends. I felt sorry that these moms were missing out on something I always cherished – time alone with my kids or just one of them at a time in the car with me, time to talk with no interruptions. That was in the 90s and now it’s out of hand. Kids with their phones, moms with theirs and no one talking to each other in the car.
Loved, Loved, Loved this!!! It came at such a perfect time! Thank you sooo much!
Wow….Thank You!! That’s all I can really gather up to say. My eyes are filled with tears, I can barely type! This is wonderful and exactly what I needed to hear at this time!!
Great post – made me cry!
I have been having this recurring range of emotions since I’ve become a mother almost 10 years ago and I could never put my finger on what I was feeling. This is it. I kept saying to myself I want to be a “somebody”. I never felt that being a mommy is being a “somebody”. This makes me re-evaluate my role of mommy and the joys that come with it. thank you so much for putting words to my emotions!
You are so right! Thanks for this!
Lovely article that made me cry. I’m a crafty mom and I am always trying to tell my mom friends who say “you are so good for making things for your son or family” that they have missed the point. I craft and sew for my family because it makes me happy, calmer and fulfilled. It’s my escape. And I usually pass on doing laundry, cooking for my family or some other thing more directly benefit my family to do it. Look at pinterest and think to yourself good for those moms for doing things that make them happy … and them go make and take some time for yourself to do what makes YOU happy – running, reading, eating bonbons..
I am a young mother, and my husband and I do not have a lot of money, so I am always feeling like my children are missing out on things that other mothers (e.g. more financially stable) are able to do with their children. I sometimes feel like they are growing up under-privlidged when they deserve the world, and it has made me pretty depressed lately.
I don’t think I could ever explain to you just how much this article means to me. It just reminds me that money is not everything, and even though we do not own a home with a massive garden, we are happy because we have love and I am here with and for them.
Thank you so much for reminding me that domestication does not subsitute love.
I’m not a mom but thank you so much for this article, it brought tears to my eyes. I’m passing it along to all the mothers I know.
This article is a great reminder. The title of it also made me think that kids need their moms to pay attention to them more than pinterest, facebook, e-mail, cleaning, cooking, scrapbooking, etc. We can be the moms God wants us to be and focus on what really matters. God will show us what’s really important, and we can send the super mom idea out the window. Just love your kids and involve them in every day life.
Also needed to ‘hear’ this! Thank you for posting it! 🙂
Wow, sometimes we need a perfect stranger to show us the big picture! Thank-you
I so easily get caught in all of those traps. I wrote a blog post for us about “Moments and Memories” and my New Years resolution to be present for my husband and children. I love my work and become very obsessed with it. Still I am sitting here at 5:30pm knowing my children are home waiting for me so that’s that, laptop is staying at the office tonight. Thanks for the reminder.
Thank you, soo true. 🙂
You made me cry. In a good way! I so hope that my children feel about me, the way that you feel about your Mum! I’ve been thinking a lot about comparisons lately too – in fact, I’ve been to 3 separate teaching events in a 2 week period that were all about not comparing ourselves to others! It’s a challenge to change that mind-set, but I’m praying that it’s do-able!
Wow. It’s 6:27am and this is EXACTLY what I needed to read this morning. Last night I sourly began listing all the things I SHOULD be doing when my husband asked me why I am stressed out. Did I mention: snuggle kids, show husband love, enjoy time with the family… NO! Thank you thank you!
love this
This is exactly how I felt when I first became a mum (as we say over the pond here in UK!). And that was before Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter. Comparison steals your joy. And your identity. In fact, one of the most unexpected gifts motherhood has brought me, is that I’ve rediscovered me – and that’s who I am giving my kids.
So true, I am always seeing things like that and thinking I’m not being a good enough mum so it was a lovely reminder that our time and love is all that our children want. Thank you for this 🙂
This is why you Rock!!!
Wow! What a great post. I’m new to the SAHM role & will try to remind myself that ‘good enough is good enough’ & time with my baby girl is the most important thing.
I am a 57 year old Mom of two of the most amazing daughters , one is 33 with a beautiful 1 year daughter , and one is 31 with a awesome life. I have a 85 year old mother that drives to be and do everything I can help her get through the future by loving her,wanting to be closer to her then we were when I was a child of hers.I worked 3 jobs while raising my children, what I have learned with the my current reality of this stage of life is we all are on a journey to be better at loving, all my Woman in my life and I Don’t have to liive with what other people judge me about. but to show my family how much I love them. They just want my time, and unconditional Love fo them, Is what thand need and that is what memmories are made of!
What a lovely message. As someone who has emigrated from Ireland and misses her mum, I found this very touching.
I have goosebumps! Thank you lovely lady xo
I can’t even tell you how much this resonated with me! Thank you so much for taking the time to express these things. I know them in my heart to be true, but when bombarded with examples all day every day of all the things I’m NOT doing, I sometimes lose track of the things that I am doing. Thank you thank you!
My goodness, I have never seen so many comments on a blog – goes to show April just how much your message resonates with us. It was a truly real – yet not judgmental article. I too very much appreciate it! Thank you.
I adore pinterest – but it also makes me feel frustrated at what I’m not doing/achieving. And – my children want me. Just me. Thank you for reminding me.
Beautiful words to read first thing in the morning, before sitting down with my savior. That you 🙂
This was gorgeous, awesome, true, perfect in so many ways. I can’t thank my friend enough for passing this on to me and can’t thank you enough for writing it! Will now follow your blog 🙂
I needed to read this today. Thank you so much for putting it all in perspective for me.
So touching. The entire post brought tightness to my chest from the emotion I was feeling, but after reading your daughter’s response to your frustration with the hair style, I simply lost it. I bawled through the rest of the post. It’s all very true, though, and I tend to find myself thinking the same thoughts. But my children remind me on a daily basis what they want when Kaeleigh says, “Momma, will you sit with me on the couch?” and then Ayden (who can’t talk yet) slaps the seat next to him as if he’s been saving it for me. You’re right. All they want is *me*. Thanks for the wonderful post.
This was totally and completely overwhelming! I loved and cried every word! Thank you so much for sharing as i am going too also! My friend posted this, and i thank her for that also!
While many of us are not moms (such as myself) we all had or have moms. All I can say is that make as memories that you can and have left as a mom and with your mom. I lost my mother 16 years ago; she being 45 and only a few years earlier had been diagnosed with cancer. We had our ups and downs as of course me being the stubborn teenager, but I would give anything to have her back again. Thank you for this post as it a reminder of how we must cherish the memories we have with our loved ones.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. This brought much encouragement to me!
Thank you Thank you Thank you. I have been staying home for almost 2 years with my now 4 year old. There have been so many times I have felt like a complete failure as a mother and wife because of my imperfections (which are often triggered by social networks). Thank you for writing this! Its pure encouragement for so many of us mothers! It’s made me realize to simply let go of the “things” that really in the end, just don’t matter!
Someone posted your blog post to Facebook and had similar concerns as you. Me: I use social media much like voicemail and email. I check it about once or twice a day (which takes about 10 minutes!), then go back to “life” (spending time with friends, reading a book, whatever!). I don’t see why others ALLOW things like social media to CONTROL them! And then, there’s that power button!
Thank you, I really needed this today! I’m bawling my eyes out, but I really needed this! Thank you for writing it!
So well said…started my day with some tears. Thank you for sharing!
April, I loved reading your post. Thank you for sharing. I often think that juggling home, work, kids, house, family, friends, some “me” time, school etc – is too much and i feel that maybe i am not paying my kids as much attention as i would have liked or could have but for the other things that get in my way. but we have to go on. my kids are also cuddly and they remind me on a daily basis that they love me as much as i love them and that i am enough. i started a blog about it 3 weeks ago (www.how2doitall.com). check it out.
http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=6991 – “The Soul’s Center”, Sis. Patricia T. Holland, Jan 1987
“I believe that as women we are becoming so concerned about having perfect figures, or straight A’s, or professional status, or even absolute motherly success, that we are being torn from our true selves. We often worry so much about pleasing and performing for others that we lose our own uniqueness, that full and relaxed acceptance of ourselves as a person of worth and individuality. Too many women watch helplessly as their lives unravel from the core that centers and sustains them. Too many are like a ship at sea without sail or rudder, tossed to and fro (as the Apostle Paul said) until more and more of us are genuinely, rail-grabbingly seasick.
“Where is the sureness that allows us to sail our ship–whatever winds may blow–with the master seaman’s triumphant cry, “Steady as she goes”? Where is the inner stillness we so cherish and for which our sex traditionally has been known? In the shadow of the twenty-first century can we find what Charles Morgan once described as “the stilling of the soul within the activities of the mind and body [as] still as [the center] of a revolving wheel is still”? (cited by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea [New York: Pantheon, 1955], pp. 5051).
“I believe we can find it–the steady footing and the stilling of the soul–by turning away from the fragmentation of physical preoccupations (whether it be thin or fat) of superwoman careers or endless popularity contests and returning instead to the wholeness of our soul.
“One woman not of our faith but whose writings I love is Anne Morrow Lindbergh. In commenting on the female despair and general torment of our times she writes:
“The Feminists did not look. . . far [enough] ahead; they laid down no rules of conduct. For them it was enough to demand the privileges. . . . And [so] woman today is still searching. We are aware of our hunger and needs, but still ignorant of what will satisfy them. With our garnered free time, we are more apt to drain our creative springs than to refill them. With our pitchers [in hand], we attempt. . . to water a field, [instead of] a garden. We throw ourselves indiscriminately into committees and causes. Not knowing how to feed the spirit, we try to muffle its demands in distractions. Instead of stilling the center, the axis of the wheel, we add more centrifugal activities to our lives–which tend to throw us [yet more] off balance.
“Mechanically we have gained, in the last generation, but spiritually we have. . . lost. [Gift from the Sea, p. 52]
“[For women] the problem is [still] how to feed the soul. [p. 51]
“I have pondered long and hard about the feeding of our inner self. It is no coincidence that we speak of “feeding the spirit” just as we would speak of feeding the body. We need constant nourishment for both. The root word hale (as in hale and hearty) is the common root to words like whole, health, heal, and holy. Our health and our wholeness are unquestionably linked with our holiness. We need very much for body, mind, and spirit to come together, to unite in one healthy, stable soul.” …
Interesting, funny and moving piece. What you said about your mother’s memory, have you had her checked out? I know from my experience with my Grandmother who had Alzheimers disease is that it’s not normal to have memory problems just because you are getting older, Dementia is NOT “the norm.” Whilst it is not curable either, with early intervention, Alzheimers in particular can be slowed with medication during the middle stages. Worth getting her checked out, especially if she can’t remember her last conversations with you, it shows that there is something not right there. xxxx
When I feel guilty about doing things for myself, I remind myself of exactly what you said – that my kids don’t want and won’t benefit from a stressed out mother. They want ME and they want a happy me. And allowing myself a little bit of time, all to myself, is what leads to a happy me. As they say, happy wife, happy life. I really appreciate being reminded of the falsehoods of what we see on social media. There is no reason to feel guilty for lying on the couch once in awhile instead of making flower-shaped soap (who does that anyways???).
I found this beautiful blog linked on FB (which I review about once a week). Amen! I signed up on Pinterest and haven’t been back–overwhelmed is all I can say. And then I have people I don’t even know following my 4 pitiful posts. 🙂 Some people are good at that stuff–it’s easy and part of who they are. Obviously, you are incredible at writing and God gave you that gift. Thank you for reminding us that God has a purpose for us and it isn’t to be someone else. Many blessings to you!
THANK YOU APRIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so so much for this! Sitting here with tears in my eyes now. This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I just had my 2nd child 3 months ago, and also have a 3 year old, and I feel so inadequate to be their Mum, as they are both just so perfect and beautiful. However, I know they love me to pieces, coz of the smiles and cuddles and kisses I get daily from them. Most of the time I don’t know why, as my self-confidence is shot to bits, and just reading this post really touched me. Thank you <3
This is exactly why I love you 🙂 Since we first met you have been a constant source of inspiration in my life!! Your words have a way of sharing the messages I need to hear exactly when I need to hear them! Thank you for sharing this beautiful message with all of us!! xo
I like the message she’s trying to get across but I disagree with the author’s premise that any of these avenues make us feel inadequate. You only let those feelings in if you want to. I feel the exact opposite, I feel empowered. On FB, if you are constantly comparing yourself to other’s houses, job announcements, etc, of course you’d feel inadequate, if and only if you are unhappy and not at peace. If you are happy in your life and appreciate what it is, you will only find happiness in seeing others be happy or succeed as well. For Pinterest, it lets me be the creative momma I want to be that doesnt have the time and brain power to think up the awesome stuff to do. My desire to be a creative momma has nothing to do with feeling inadequate, but has everything to do with my mom being a preK teacher and me being very artsy. At the end of the work week in my 8-5 finance job, I can’t think of what animals a paper plate and paint can be. The brain power I don’t have is outsourced to some awesome stay at home mom who has laid it all out. Our weekends are now spent usually picking out one thing of my sons choosing from pinterest and he loves that its not the same old toys, same old games. Mommy gets to pick one organizational project to do, not b/c I feel inadequate, but because anything to help me be more organized and keep the visual spaces of my house cleaner makes me less stressed. The construction projects he really gets into and helps. We’ve had a blast with it and its complementary to my parenting. Not once on Pinterest have I ever felt inadequate.
I feel this way often, more so since I was diagnosed with MS in 2009. I can not do a lot of things with our children, but I make the things I do count. I have been in tears many times over my disabilities caused by my MS, to which I always say that my kids deserve better. My husband gets on my case and says they love you and need you more than anyone else in the world, and my kids chime in and say the same thing. Also I don’t have a mother that I can spend time with or talk to, never had. She’s always hated me and everything that has gone wrong in her life has been my fault…I vow each morning that I will be a mom my kids would be proud of and they are, they love me unconditionally…even my 19 year old boy. Anyways, don’t beat yourself up if your parties, organization or houses aren’t picture perfect…your kids don’t care and as far as they are concerned nobody is stronger, braver or more awesome than you.
Thank you so much for writing this. I printed it out to read whenever I am having one of those days where I don’t feel like I am a good enough mommy.
I am so in love with this post. It is very relevant to me right now. I feel so overwhelmed by the need to do everything, I’m doing anything! This competition we have entered ourselves into is mind boggling and can never be won!
Love this perspective. I give myself verbal, “Mom of the Year” awards, especially when I mess up.
Thank You!
Wonderful… this brought tears to my eyes!
Thank you so much!! That was so wonderful to hear and think about. Glad you shared the story about your mom-it helped me. God Bless you and your family!
Beautiful article! Make sure you and anyone else helping to take care of your mother full-time join a support group. There are on-line chat groups, but a live group is even better. It makes a huge difference knowing you are not alone. God bless!
I seriously cried a bucket when I read this. Thank you for reminding us of all the goodness that is right at our fingertips and just a smile away. What a relief for us and our children.
I am 59 year old daughter to an 82 year old Mom, mother to two daughters and one step-daughter and grandmother to a 15 month old boy. This speaks so well to everything I learned form my own mother during the sixties as she sang while doing the dishes and took us on mystery rides to Brigham’s for ice cream. I tried to be fun for my girls, an educator and model of a working mom when they were young. my Mom always said to take time with the kids, the dust and work will wait for you, the kids will grow up with or without you. Now II watch my daughter struggle with a career and raising her son and I try to be there for her still, whenever she needs me because I know how hard it can be to be a good Mom. It also doesn’t hurt to have good husbands and fathers there to help raise the kids too. We did.
Amanda, I was a stay-at-home mom till all of my children were in full-time school (12 years!) and we lived on a meager budget as well. There were days that I was frustrated and angry and lonely, but as you well know, there are many more days that are fullfilling and wonderful! Just yesterday my soon-to-be graduating senior said, “Thanks for staying home with us when we were little. It sounds silly but I remember so much about that.” It made it ALL worth it…and it will for you too!
Absolutely phenomenal blog post! I cannot tell you how encouraging that message was to me. It is so easy to get wrapped up in our “perfect culture”, but remembering that it is the small things that really matter to our precious children. Thank you!!!!!!
You may have just saved my miserable life! It needed to be a happy one. Now I feel so free to go love and not compare.
Hey….wouldn’t THAT be a great website? Keeping it real with photos of all the things you just mentioned? Then moms could laugh together and roll their eyes together. 🙂 I feel the same way you do about Pinterest.
A friend posted the link to this on facebook. I’m so glad I came over and read it. Thank you for reminding me that my kids love me just the way I am. They don’t have some preconceived idea about what a mom is. They have me, and that is just right for them.
God Bless All Of The Mothers/Wives Out There! You Guys Amaze Us Each Day!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Thank you, April.
As the tears well up in my eyes, and my ninth child,a daughter,11, lays on the couch ,3 feet from me.
I am not a social media crafty Mom. My Mom has been gone for over 11 yrs now.
Your article was right on and I needed to read it this morning.
I am the best Mom for my kids. I know this because God chose me for them.
And He chose them for me.
Even us “empty nesters” need to be reminded of this. Our children and now our grandchildren need us. Thanks for this great post!
The aesthetics of motherhood are so ludicrously high now, not due to the creation of extra hours in a day, but falling costs of high production values in magazines and online. Perfect homes, meals, costumes, parties, etc. are pretty in pictures, but have NOTHING AT ALL to do with being a good parent. Such an important message.
(I wrote about the impossible standards of organization women are held to here: http://perfectwhole.wordpress.com/2011/07/01/the-happy-organized-home-sale-or-how-the-container-store-endangers-your-immortal-soul/)
Thank you so much for this article! May I make a book recommendation too?? Alzheimer’s runs in my family. There is a book titled Stop Alzheimer’s Now. While Alzheimer’s cannot be reversed, it can be halted. Sadly, my grandmother is in a nursing home and too far gone to fight for the chance to see if this does any good for her. And my dad is too stubborn and set in his ways to try this. He is showing signs of Alzheimer’s and is only in his 60’s. I have started following the protocol in the book so that I can be there for my kids and grandkids. You might not get all of your mother back, but it can help her stay where she is instead of getting worse. If you are on FB, you can friend the author’s wife. Leslie Fife. She is an amazing lady and soooooo supportive. She also has a FB page called Health By Coconut. I could go on and on about how coconut oil has helped our family (from my cholesterol to my daughter’s mild autism) and now it is helping me with my brain.
Thank you. Most of the time, I find other bloggers my worst enemy (Kelle Hampton) so thanks for the perspective and good humor!
I really needed to read this. I am guilty of getting sucked into the perfect pinterest mom phenomenon. Thanks for helping me to chill a little. P.S. I sing ‘baby mine’ to my babies as well. love that song. 🙂
Ironically, this past Monday I was struggling with discouragement for much of the same reasons, in tears comparing myself and feeling miserably lacking in so many capacities. Reading this was a little shock wave as it basically said everything I was thinking/feeling. Thank you for sharing. It was very helpful and encouraging. God Bless.
WOW! On the day I needed it the most! I have been thinking how I have failed my two girls 15 and 11 because I put everyone before them as a non-profit director … but I have some great points to talk to them about – I think I haven’t asked because I was scared of the answer, but I bet what I think and what they feel are two totally different things! I did make the Owl birthday cake for my 11 jr old from Pinterest and did pretty darn good and I don’t even cook:)
Thank you so much for this article. It’s as if you’re in my head, knowing all my thoughts … I don’t even know how to articulate it. I am that mom, constantly feeling defeated and wondering why the rest of the world has it together when I can’t even manage to shower every day. Thank you for helping me realize that I am not alone. Thank you for giving me permission to not be perfect, when all I see and do is convincing me otherwise. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
What a sweet article full of your fun family memories – both of your kids AND of your time with your senior mom. Very wise to cherish these moments with both generations! 🙂 I love your idea of singing the song for your daughter and sending it on mp3 for her to listen to while you’re gone. One suggestion with your mom – music is sometimes an excellent way to reach the memories of aging parents with Alzheimers Disease or other conditions that have caused memory loss. The next time you talk or visit, you might try singing some old favorite songs together that you both enjoyed when you were very young. If she doesn’t remember, it will still be a special treat for you both. and who knows… 🙂 Have a blessed and beautiful week with your sweet family.
This was an excellent post…and so true…it is so easy to get caught up in what we are not based on what we see all over the internet and TV…thanks for sharing
We all have different strengths, and sites like Pinterest allow us to share our gifts and talents with each other, hopefully to admire and not envy them. I love being able to see so much creativity in one place. What I love even more is words of wisdom from other moms that support each other in our day to day lives (which are not always as rosy as they appear on Pinterest 😉 Thanks so much April for providing that, and I’m glad that I’ve been introduced to Power of Moms!
Thank you. I’ve always felt I needed to do *more*, be *more*, give *more*…and felt I was failing miserably. Today, after reading this, I don’t feel like that. I’m doing the best that I can and I know my kids still really only want my love and attention. THAT I can do…I’m good at it 🙂
this is so wonderful and so very true. it is just a real shame and tremendous sadness that the husbands to many of those wives and mothers don’t see things this way. many are disappointed and embarrassed by the non-weight lifting, non marathon running and God forbid, jiggly tummy having mothers. if only the husbands accepted and wanted and loved the moms as much as the kids do. if only.
Pinterest is a wonderful resource full of fabulous ideas for those who are not so creative and want something a little different for a special occasion. These are suggestions, not expectations. You are the mother you choose to be!
I love this!! THANK YOU for sharing!! (i sing “baby mine” to my kids too, by the way – sweetest song ever 🙂
Pinterest is a wonderful resource consisting of fabulous ideas for those of us who are not so creative. These are suggestions, not expectations. Looking for something different for that special occasion, Pinterest is a fantastic place to search for ideas. On another note, YOU chose the type of mother you want to be…
I have four kids. My life is theirs until such time as they can give me some of it back. The fact that the house is a state and we don’t have matching cushion covers doesn’t worry me. I’m completely convinced that those that have the perfect house whilst having more than one young child have something wrong with their head. I don’t get to start the housework until 9pm and I’m falling over asleep on my feet by 10pm usually.
I don’t have time to make things or colour coordinate stuff so it’s just perfect. I do like to look at those perfect things though and wait until I can make that quirky bookshelf under the staircase or learn to weld so that I can make a 6′ tall chicken from scrap metal. I’ll probably be about 80 mind you…
Wow, that part about your Mom made me cry. My Mom lives with us right now and I love how close we are. You seem like you are doing everything right and then some. Thank you for sharing your family is lucky to have you.
This was awesome! That you for the reminder that you do not have to be perfect for your children. My floors are not swept and there is laundry in the dryer, but I cuddled with my son and fixed my daughter’s hair and that is the most important thing!!!
This article was just amazing. And, *so* very true. I just love it, and will share it with others out there. And, gosh darn it, you made me cry at 7:00 in the morning!!! But the tears mean something and they are so worth it. Cheers.
Love this considering I just lost my mom – I feel like they wrote it for me.
This was wonderful! It brought tears to my eyes too (especially the part about your Mom. My Mother had a stroke a few years back and well, touched home I guess).
I belong to a ministry at my church and it’s a group of mothers. As I read this all I could think about is how I’ll have to share this with them all! This was very well written and is SO true!
Thanks for the reminder to just be me and that is all my two boys want! God bless you and your family!
I am not a mother yet and am often filled with anxiety at the thought of motherhood, even though all I wanted to be growing up was a mom. Now that I read this, the cultural pressures you write of are a big source of that anxiety. I already feel like I’m falling “short” as a wife and in my career. I often feel like I need to master those areas before I could dream of being a mom that makes grilled cheese that looks like ice cream, has seasonal throw pillows, or even cleans my house every week. Thank you for the encouragement. Women in all stages of life can benefit from this message.
I am not a mom (yet) but this is a great reminder of how amazing my mom is, even though she doesn’t do crazy crafts or anything like that. I still call her nearly every day because I just love talking to her. This is very well written and it’s great reminder of how important family is! 🙂
I was just so moved by this, it spoke to me right where I am. I’m linking to you on my blog. Thank You.
I think that to many women have a terrible lack of confidence! I find it very pathetic that we as women cant stand up and just be who we are. I love Pinterest because it has wonderful ideas of how to make things and become a better person. But I don’t sit and wish that I was better and that I could do all these things that supposedly others are doing. What a waste of my time to wallow in self pity that I’m not like someone else. How ridiculous it is that it takes a post like this for women to realize their worth. You are powerful and strong. With out YOU this world would cease to exist. Get over the insecurities and just be you!
This is a fantastic post…and a great reminder that we ALL have a different version of what works for our family, and I hate that ANY mom should ever feel guilty, whether it is because they can’t braid their daughter’s hair in the latest fashion or it is because they can. Sometimes I have to give myself a reality check as well….we are blessed to have children to love and who love us back, no matter how we get there.
Definitely what I needed to read.
happygolucky I think you completely missed the point of this article and it would be in your best interest to re-read it. The author is not down grading pintrest she is simply stating that love is more about people and the time spent with them and to not miss out on the opportunities of time spent together with the ones that you love. Just because you dont fill your home with the newest and lastest things or ideas does not diminish the love you have for your family.
As a mom myself I found this article a sigh of relief to know other moms feel the way I do and I love that you take time to share a special moment with your daughter everynight.
my sister wants to start a board on her pinterest called “stupid things i will never actually do.” bwahahaha! pinterest and blogs are sometimes the best part of my day when things are going horribly with my kids. but, like all good things, satan is twisting these awesome things into guilt-inducing tools because he knows women are guilt-prone. so, we just have to ignore the guilt, embrace the beauty, and then close turn off the computer and LIVE. which is what i’m about to do now.
I’m new here, I too saw this on Facebook. It’s so funny because I was on Pinterest last night and was thinking the same thing the article talks about! Thank you for putting it all in perspective and reminding me that I am not a failure because I don’t/can’t do these things. I also cried while reading this because I lost my mom 7 years ago to cancer and I miss her. Thank you again for this blog. I look forward to reading more on here.
I think this is wonderful!! I am a stay at home mother, and I try to make ends meet by my “talent”…but yet I find myself so wrapped up in other peoples accomplishments, that I always tend to forget my own!! Wonderful message to mothers and care givers everywhere!! Great reminder on how important we really are to the “big” world we live in!!
Wow! I just stumbled across this and it’s one of the best blogs I’ve read in a VERY LONG time!!! Good job and THANK YOU! 🙂
thank you for reminding all of us that we have the family we have because of who we are, imperfections, perfections, quirks and all. those who love us also love us because of these things.
wow these words hit my heart and clearly the heart of so many others – we are ironically not alone in trying to keep up w everyone else!!! i felt compelled to blog my thoughts as I was just so encouraged to keep my focus on the ‘core business’ of mothering and not on the added extras!
http://livinglovinglaughingtogether.blogspot.com.au/2012/04/my-children-want-me.html Thank you so much for this timely message, just perfect!!
This was a wonderful article! And a much needed read. Thank you so much for the reminder. q1
Completely relating to this! I didn’t even know there were spice racks like that! :O
As a home blogger I struggle with the idea that all is “perfect” here so I try to keep it real. I actually did a post about that very thing http://www.balancinghome.com/2012/02/how-does-she-she-doesnt.html
Absolutely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for this post. Needed this – Blessings to you!
OH, this just hit the spot for me. I actually was just telling a friend that I despise pinterest for this very reason. I am not crafty or creative and looking on pinterest makes me so overwhelmed at all of the cute things that I am NOT doing for my home and family. I am a stay at home mom. I love it. I also think it’s super tough. :p However, I do often remind myself that while I may not be getting out amazing crafts and things like that for my kids I to “create” with, I am present. I am there with them everyday, listening, encouraging, hugging, kissing and telling them I love them SOOO much. Your article validated me so much and I want to thank you for that. Even though I am doing my very best, sometimes I do get bogged down by comparing myself to out of this world homemakers. I loved this and so appreciate your insight and wisdom.
I can absolutely understand. My mom went to be with Jesus in February 2011. I was her caregiver for the last 2 years. But she had already developed dementia and lost her ability to speak, but never her ability to smile and love me and the rest of us! She was so precious. thanks for sharing. it was the cancer that finally took her home. i miss her so much.
pam herrington
april 11,2012
Bless you woman!!! I needed this and can’t tell you what great timing this is! After reading this, I vow to lay on the floor with my kids and just read books and play trucks and spend less time checking pinterest for ideas on how to play while learning sight words, or counting, or making the perfectly kid freindly meal!!! This really hit home, thank you!!!!
It’s funny, Pinterest doesn’t do that to me, but individual blogs do. So does reading Power of Moms! When I think of all you ladies manage to do, when I don’t do anything but try to take care of my family and still mostly fail at that, well, I get pretty discouraged. And I’m pretty sure what you are doing is awesome, so keep up the good work!
You are absolutely right. Thank you for helping to put things into perspective for me. That’s exactly what I’m trying to do . . . savor all the blessings I DO have–because yes, my life is full of wonderful people, and I never have to be hungry or cold, like so many others in the world. I honestly hope that you find the love and family you’re looking for. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Love, April
Oh, Katie. We have a whole board that helps–we each just do what we can. It’s totally times and seasons. xoxo
I’ve been thinking this very thing for a long time. Thank you for putting it into words and making me cry this morning. Life is for living and not wasting precious time on feeling bad about ourselves. Our kids do just want us, I have a seven year old daughter who just wants to hang out with me, my son loves to help me cook, I know these precious years will be gone soon. When the children are grown I’ll be able to upload my own pictures to pinterest, and maybe my grand babies will have the luxury of washing their dirty little flower pot hands with my specials soaps, but for now, I think I’ll just concentrate on the moments at hand.
WOW. That was great to read. I have a few friends that really need to read this. Such truth here. Made me cry. Thank YOu.
Everyone’s comments about your fantastic article have been heartfelt. I was able to search online for a talk that I remember by David A. Bednar. He asks two questions we should all ask ourselves. Our answers will determine whether we are using our computer time wisely. It will be different for each one of us!
“Question 1- Does the use of various technologies and media invite or impede the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost in your life?
Question 2- Does the time you spend using various technologies and media enlarge or restrict your capacity to live, to love, and to serve in meaningful ways?”
If you learn a new skill and can use it to spend time with your family to make memories, go for it! If you spend too much time searching for something your poor little “uncrafty” soul could handle and come away with lower self esteem, then skip it:)
I love your blog. This is true. My boys are grown, 18 and 15, and they have stated to me that they enjoyed just having mom at home when they arrive from school. I dont do the fancy food, parties or decor. They simply want me, their mom to be there if they should need me. Moms should stop and see what is in front of them, their kids.
What an excellent blog! Just what I needed to hear. I think so often I spend so much energy thinking about everything I don’t do well, that I lose sight of what I do excellently. And loving is something I’m excellent at. I’m sure my kids would rather have that than everything else. 🙂 Thank you for sharing!
Beautiful post that like me, and all these other mommas, totally resonate with. Reposted myabcsoup.wordpress.com
What a wonderful reminder of what being a mom really is.
Thank you so very much for this post!
Thank you for this! Brought me to tears. I am so that mommy who wishes I was perfect at everything at all times. I’m printing out the last two paragraphs and keeping it next to my bed to remind me daily to just be the mommy my kiddos need.
This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I, too, am one of those moms who constantly compares myself to the moms on pinterest.
Reading this did make me cry… I am a single mom [not by choice] who has for the past almost 4 years endured a divorce situation that no one can even fathom [I dont want to anymore either]. So if you have a dear husband or significant other who loves you and is there for you – holding to their commitment BE HAPPY. Love your kids with all you have ~ we are never promised tomorrow… only today. Make memories Live Life!! We DONT have to be Martha Stewart to have others [especially family] love us. They just DO. Thank you for sharing your story…. My mom says “Girl Power!” I’m thankful to have both of my parents still and two wonderful children… AND an Awesome God!~ Who can look at a child and not think there is something SO MUCH bigger than all our small problems.
TAke Care!!
Thank you! This brought me to tears. I needed this sweet reminder that my children “want me”, but to also cherish my own Mom. As far as how I handle comparisons, I try to look at pinterest ect. as something I can use or toss…use when I can realistically apply it and toss when something is just too “far fetched” or not within reason. I enjoy the ideas from pinterest and I have gained so much from reading blogs of other moms. I wouldn’t trade some of the wisdom I have gained from a few mom blogs I read on a regular basis. I have found ways to run my home more efficiently, get my children to do chores and I’ve recieved so much faith based encouragement to help with my attitude as Mom. But in reality my family is looking to me to just be there for them, not just be present in body while my mind is elsewhere, my face buried in my iphone or computer searching for how to be better for them, but for me to be there %100 in heart and spirit. This is difficult in this world today with or without all the distractions of the internet. Thank you again for this. I will be sharing!
April, absolutely beautiful! I love the message. You brought tears to my eyes! Thank you for the inspiring way to start my day!!
Just brilliant … I’d never seen this blog before … But if it’s more of this I know it’s going to be a fast favorite! Thank you for your honesty.
This is perfect, perfect perspective. And for the record, I currently have two house plants. One is a year old and I am *shocked* is even alive because my house is where plants come to die. The second is my husband’s Christmas gift- a Bonsai tree that he is killing and now is under my care. Plants are overrated, worry not!
Wonderful words.
Thank your for your lovely words of encouragement.
Thank you so much for this. I think Moms at any age run into these issues of trying to be more than they have to be. Pinterest is fun, but it doesn’t need to shape my definition of me!
I’m going to join the small band of brothers who have joined the comment thread here. It’s great to see such passion and awareness by all the wonderful women who have commented. While our genders may be different our goals are the same. It’s the quality of our relationships that define the quality of our lives. LOVED how you drew our attention to the fact that, in your daughter’s eyes (or ears as the case may be) – your voice is more desirable than Allison Kraus! To our kids, it’s our time that matters – not our proficiency.
Relationships are built one minute at a time. It was so cool to read your article and see the responses and feel some wind in my sails – thanks for the breath of fresh air!
Thank you for a beautiful, encouraging post! I have two young daughters and an aging mother who has always made me feel like I’m the most important person in the world, too. I grew up NOT having gourmet dinners but lots of time frozen dinners. She was also not the best housekeeper in the world. But she always made me feel loved and that she was always there for me. Which is what I hope my daughters will grow up feeling, even if the home is not always immaculate or I can’t do amazing hairdos. In fact, they often tell me “You’re the best mom in the world”. And I sometimes want to cry, “No, I’m not but wish I was!” but nevertheless, their words touch me and know I must be doing something right. Thank you again for this beautifully written post!
This really resonated with me. As I was reading this and looking at your picture I thought you were an old friend of mine from Tulsa- Paige Hayes. You look identical, seriously. Any chance you are sisters? Loved the article.
A beautiful message. Thank you for sharing 🙂
AMEN! This is a lesson I have to learn over and over… and over! My response is a quote from Living Crazy Love by Francis Chan… “Even things as good as jobs, kids, spouses, church programs, etc. [pinterest, blogs, FB, Twitter], can take our eyes off of what is most important if we begin to view them and use them in the wrong way. There is a healthy, appropriate, and incredibly important side to each of these good activities, and pouring huge amounts of time and energy into them may be the best way for you to serve God. But the subtle deception of idolatry pushes us to take that which is good and use it in ungodly ways. So while investing in our kids and teaching them to love God and serve the people around them would bring glory to God, our twisted desire to have perfect, high-achieving kids who make us look good in public [or be perfect high-achieving people who are admired publicly] would not.”
AMEN! This is a lesson I have to learn over and over… and over! My response is a quote from Living Crazy Love by Francis Chan… “Even things as good as jobs, kids, spouses, church programs, etc, [FB, twitter, pinterest, blogs], can take our eyes off of what is most important if we begin to view them and use them in the wrong way. There is a healthy, appropriate, and incredibly important side to each of these good activities, and pouring huge amounts of time and energy into them may be the best way for you to serve God. But the subtle deception of idolatry pushes us to take that which is good and use it in ungodly ways. So while investing in our kids and teaching them to love God and serve the people around them would bring glory to God, our twisted desire to have perfect, high-achieving kids who make us look good in public [or be perfect, high-achieving people who look good in public] would not.”
thank you for such a beautiful and wise message. 🙂
I don’t ever comment on blogs (very rarely) but I have to comment on this one. I’ve tried very hard to be crafty-I paint, I knit, I sew, I can make things-they don’t look like Martha Stewart products, but darn it, I put the time and love into each product that I tackle and I’m proud of my accomplishments. Since I’ve had my son, (he’s 18 mos. old) I don’t have the time nor the energy for anything crafty-other than baking homemade cookies to take to daycare. I love Pinterest, but I do at times feel a lil overwhelmed and/or frustrated after seeing some of the things that mothers have created. I’m always going “WOW!” If I could’ve thought of that, or made that…Everything I do, I’m thinking about how it will benefit or affect my son-he’s the world to me. When it all boils down to it-there are TWO important things to me, that my son is 1. Healthy and 2. Happy. As long as I can assist in these two things, I’m doing my job and I’m doing a good job of it. Your children are beautiful and they look happy and healthy! Kudos to you for even attemptig those braids-I’m impressed! Great story!! Keep up the good work mommas! Give yourselves a lil pat on the back! Only we know how difficult and frustrating/challenging our most important job in the world can be! 🙂
Wow, thank you for sharing this! I too have many days where I feel that maybe I just don’t measure up. Then I realize that my children aren’t comparing me to anyone else. It’s me doing it and they love me unconditionally just as I am. What a wonderfully written article!
I teared up by the time I got to the end..thank you!
I have to tell you that I had to get up from my desk at work, to walk away and finish ready this in the ladies room so that I could quietly cry my eyes out! Thank from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to write and share this with the world of Mom’s just like you out there, and especially me.
For tomorrow, I put in my notice at work to leave my 12 year nursing career to go full time with passion for my wedding photography business and to be at home with my heart, my 5 year old daughter! And as a single Mom, this is the scariest thing ever, but reading this today, made me that much more sure of my commitment to tomorrow! And to having more time with my child who, like you said, wants me!!
Love to you for this and love to your Mom, I have have a 67 year old Mom, so that resonates so deep for me too!
God bless! And thank you again!
Erin
Mommy #1, Papered Heart Photographer #2
and always a nurse inside
Oh my goodness – I just logged in to write your exact post.. except that my mom passed away in August of 2009. I was also caregiver for her for her last 2 yrs, dealt with her dementia (due to stroke), and ultimately ovarian cancer took her Home to the Lord. Yet though she didn’t talk much, her sweet spirit remained and her face always lit up when she saw her family. She was 59 and passed away on my daughter’s 3rd birthday, 6 weeks before our 2nd daughter arrived. Odd timing for sure, yet it was proof to me that God was in control every second.. which has brought such comfort to me. Prayers for encouragement and comfort as you continue to heal.
So good, so true, and (can it be?!) so easy! Finally something I CAN do right for my children – be me! And … no comparison is possible on this one, since only I can be me. Thank you for this simple, inspired thought.
I enjoyed your article and I hope mothers realize it is the time spent with your children that is most important not all the fancy little things you do to impress other mothers and the social networking sites. Don’t let the social networking rule your life. Quality time with your children talking, listening, playing and let them know how much you love them. I am now a grandmother and at times I slip into that type of thinking when all the special things I plan for us to do together does not come to fruitation, but then as I reflect over the time we share together I realize as April has stated, your children want you as you are. When they grow up it will be the little things they remember and treasure the most. Simply little things.
April,
I just love what you just said! I was raised by a single Mom who in fact is one of the most important person in my life. Your article touched my heart! I have been dealing with Mastitis and I have been struggling! Thank you for your perspective, thank you for your wonderful talent of writing the things I want to write but don’t have the ability to. This is one of the best articles on Power of Mom’s EVER!
Emily Reid
LOVED this post! What a fabulous reminder. Thank you!!
Wow. As a new stay at home mom I am learning to relinquish my role as a nurse, and focus on Emma. Even though I am still in school, I often feel people look down upon us as non-working mom’s. I think this drives some of us even further to try and be “crafty” as a way to show we don’t just watch soaps all day. I have boxes of beads, cook books, photoshop projects, and framing projects all over, and while I do tend to find a little time to mess with it all, in the end I spend most of my day just hugging Emma and watching her learn and smile at me.
Thank you so much for this post. 🙂
Yes–she’s my big sister. Small world!
As a daughter to the best mom in the world 😉 and a mom to four adult daughters and a 16 year old son (who is homeschooling), I certainly can identify with this article. You expressed your heart so well which is why it touched mine as well as the others who have commented here. I still struggle to keep that balance in my life. My youngest daughter (age 20) is 1100 miles away at college, but we still talk daily via text and phone and she still likes to be “tucked in”. I had stopped tucking my son in and realized recently that he still wants that, so have been making that a priority. Even though my girls are scattered all over the country, there are days that I get very little of “my stuff” done because of time spent talking with them or helping them in one way or another. Being an involved, caring mom never stops. Balance is always important, and the best way I have found to maintain that is keeping my eyes on God and asking Him to give me His perspective on my circumstances. That sounds so trite and easy, and it probably should be. However, I find myself struggling too often. But that just drives me right back to His Word where I regain that strength and perspective again. 🙂
My oldest daughter has 3 little boys ages 3 and under. She is so multi-talented and gets so frustrated with how little she seems to get done. I keep trying to encourage her to just enjoy being a mommy and stop comparing herself to what others let her see about themselves. Also, I think it is easy for us to get caught up in the idea that we deserve our own time and need that to be “healthy”. What we truly need to be “healthy” is contentment.
Thank you again for sharing. I needed the reminder. Blessings to you and your family.
Found this link on Pinterest (of all places!). What a great message! I’m glad I have it as a place of inspiration, new recipes to try, and things to do when and if I have extra time. I know my 2 girls won’t miss ice cream pancakes if I don’t make them, but I know they’d miss me if I wasn’t there. Thanks for the reminder that there is no “perfect” mom and I don’t need to worry about doing fancy extras…just spending quality time with them!
what a spectacular blog and such wonderful words of wisdom. I too find myself wondering how pinterest makes me feel as if I need to make all my kids food into some animal, when actually they would rather spend that extra time playing with me, not eating a sandwich that took 20 minutes to make look like mickey mouse!
My children are grown now with children of their own. They are all three wonderful, loving, Godly mothers. I already pushed myself too hard and expected too much of myself before I became a mother, so I really became caught in that trap of thinking I should do and be more. No matter how much I did and how well I did it, it was never quite4 enouigh. Finding out (and receiving) how much God loves me helped a lot of that way of thinking. I still fall back into that trap sometimes, but most of that has healed. I see frustrated mons all the time, and I want to stop them and tell them just what you said , April. I’m going to pass this along to my daughters, just in cas they are taking after their mother! Thanks for your honesty.
Thank you.
Absolutely what I needed to read this morning! Thank you so much… it IS so easy to think I’m not DOING enough when I need to just BE with my kids. Thank you.
I believe these words are SO needed at this time in history and our culture. They certainly resonate with me. The constant “keeping up with the Jones'” has escalated to a whole new level with technology expanding our neighborhood to not just those who live on our street, but to the entire world. It’s not only impossible to keep up, it’s ultimate insanity. Thank you for sharing this. We are called to edify and encourage one another; not one-up each other. I fall into this trap. When I see a super mom doing it all I get DIScouraged. I know I’m more inspired and encouraged when I see moms admitting that they CAN’T do it all and reminding me of what’s truly important and what and WHO I need to keep my eyes on.
This is why I stopped reading Parenting Magazine. I was spending time on something that constantly made me feel inferior. I don’t need that.
This was a wonderful share. I myself have 2 children 4 year old girl and 8 year old boy. I feel that way so much of the time. Did I do enough for my kids and husband today? Am I a good enough mother for them? What can I do be a better mother? So thank you for reminding me that my kids do love me just the way I am.
I had tears in my eyes when I read this – this is the great disdvantage of our culture and a sign of our times…the way in which we are tricked into feeling we’ll never make the grade or even give up trying…and the feeling we are so alone in it. Thank you for making me realise I’m not alone!
Praying for you. It is a deep heartache!
This is just the kick in the pants that I needed.. My kids just want to be loved and sometimes I’m just to stressed out and burnt out to realize that… and I’m sorry, but i’m not that mom who goes all out for my kids holidays and makes cutesy little goodie bags for their classes… I don’t have the time to be stressed out even more…
Thank you for sharing this..
Mine do too! I wanted them each to have their own special song.
Thanks so much. I have been having a rough week & this reminded me of all the great stuff the family & I do even if it isn’t picture perfect! My 13 year old step son asks me to sing “You are my sunshine” to him every time I see him, to this day because it is our thing. Thanks!
Just what I need to “hear” today. Thank you.
Just what I needed to “hear” today. Thank you.
Wow, what a great article. Thank you so much. You made me cry talking about your own mom. Mine is on the other side of the country and we talk almost daily. But I still miss her constantly.
awesome. My daughters are nuts about their mom. As a pastor our life is a little different than most but she is always hanging out with the girls. And to all the dads who come across this, it is the same for us!
I am moved to tears. Keep writing and talking out loud! You have wise wisdom to share and your perspective is exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you! And…I like to dance in the kitchen too! (:
I tried to post earlier, but it seems it didn’t get through. Anyway, like everyone else, I want to thank you for this! My vice is kids’ activities … so many fun things to do, but it would require my staying up until 2am every night to prep the stuff (after cooking and cleaning etc etc etc). Please google coconut ketones (I sent the link last time, I’m guessing that’s why my post didn’t make it you; perhaps it was considered spam) to see a complete regime for coconut and MCT oil. My dad has just started on it, but we have hope for the first time in a while. Others have reported some success, although it can be temporary. Thanks again and good luck!
This was a beautiful post, it brought tears to my eyes. I think we all feel like we are not doing enough sometimes. However, it is important to remember not to judge those who are running marathons and making ice cream cone grilled cheese (not saying that you are, but sometimes certain people take encouraging words to put down others who are following their dreams (crafting/marathons) in order to validate themselves) We are ALL struggling to feel good about ourselves as Mother’s… let’s all extend our hand to one another to say “we are doing enough, right here right now” This is not a competition we are all running our own race..let’s just love one another and celebrate each other. Thank you for a beautiful post.
Thanks for this article. It made me cry, just because sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by everything going on in my life right now.
This is a fabulous reminder today. Thank you for reminding me to just “be” with my kids…focused on them and what they need from me, not what I think they need based on what everyone else is doing. Amazing post!
I’ve tried sending you the link, but it seems the website considers it spam, so please google coconut ketones for info on coconut oil and MCT oil – some have had real success, although for some it has been temporary. My dad has just started on the oils and we have some real hope. Good luck and thanks so much for the beautiful article!
Your post was right on, April — thank you. I will forward this link to several friends.
Over the course of a decade, my brilliant, articulate, funny grandmother slowly slid into the darkness due to Alzheimer’s. The best advice I received was from a nurse, who suggested focusing on what she still DID remember: ask her to tell stories from early in her marriage or her childhood, etc…and make recordings of her stories, or write them down. This enabled me to enjoy the time she had left, and I treasure these memories now that she’s gone.
Thanks again for your article.
I really really needed this today!!! This is all so true, thank you !!!
Thank you for this very timely post. I’m ~9 weeks away from delivering our 4th child and needless to say, I’m feeling very exhausted and not much fun these days. I don’t know if it was your perfectly worded post or the pregnancy hormones, but the tears flowed as I was reading this. 🙂 Thank you for the encouragement.
I needed to read this so badly today. Thank you for reminding me of what it really means to be a mom. And for reminding me how much I love mine. I’m sitting here with tears pouring out of my eyes, but when I’m done, I’m going to call my mom before my daughter wakes up from her nap.
Thank you!!
April, this is SO right on the money! How easily we measure ourselves against others. God doesn’t want us to compare ourselves. He has made us all individually just as we are. That is not to say we shouldn’t try to be the best we can-just not be too hard on ourselves for not being SuperWoman. Thank you for reminding me of what my most important role is to my kids…Mom.
You relieved me today! I was feeling bad for neglecting my blog while having fun with my daughters who are on vacation… I’ve been having such a great time with them! thanks for this post!
I’m nearly in tears reading this. Thank you for putting in words what I’ve been feeling for a while now. I wrote this blog post just the other night after going on Facebook and seeing what every other mom had done for their kids for Easter. I was miserable…
http://raisingmaine.mainetoday.com/blogentry.html?id=91249
Wonderfully written and great perspective!
LOVED that a man made this comment, “It’s the quality of our relationships that define the quality of our lives.” and “Relationships are built one minute at a time.” Lol, not to sound ‘sexist’ as I’ve got some wonderful men in my life, husband and three son’s, (along with my daughter) but they don’t ‘articulate’ those fact, and sometimes let us women ‘do’ all the work for keeping the connection! So Jake, I hope you don’t mind if I ‘include’ you in my ‘quote book’ where I keep words of wisdom I come across! Thank you!
And April, did you ever imagine you’d have this much of an impact? I came to your blog via Facebook, by a friend who put this post on their feed. So I have no idea if you always generate this kind of response. But I made a comment early on, and checked the ‘notify me’ box…..wow!….I am getting zillions of emails with all the comments you are getting! It must be gratifying to know you’ve strummed something that MANY people are feeling. I am glad that those that are blessed enough NOT to ever doubt themselves are kind in their responses. :-)) No matter how different we come at life, it’s always being respectful of ourselves, to treat others with respect too! Thanks again April!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT SO MANY OF US NEED TO HEAR! (That sentence needed all the capital letters 🙂 ) Thank you for so eloquently putting down something that God has been trying to point out to us for months…. maybe even years. Blessings.
April, I just bawled when I read this! It is so true, and must have been just what I personally needed to hear TODAY. Thank you for those words.
PS. I have heard the Kangen Water can help with Alzheimer’s. Try and get your mom on it right away. GO to http://www.brainadvance.org and learn more about how it can pass thru the blood-bran barrier to hydrate the cells and deliver antioxidants. I know it sounds crazy, but the brain is 85% water. I may be able to help you find some. Good luck, and thanks again for sharing. Having lost my mother many years ago, I don’t know where I would be without the love and support of other women.
When my son was little we were going to bake sugar cookies for Easter. It was a total flop. I was crushed not having the Norman Rockwell moment I had been striving for. I did take pictures anyway and when I got them back, I realized it WAS the perfect Norman Rockwell moment–my son playing with dough, covered in flour, laughing, smiling and not a cookie in sight, but a wonderful afternoon spent together. He couldn’t care less about the cookies I envisioned, and the photos made me realize, neither did I.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You have just validated all of us frazzled, non-perfect, mothers, who more than anything want their children to know they are loved, special, wanted, and very much needed. I am also far enough along in my parenting, to realize that the cost of trying to be a perfect mother is fruitless. We can certainly strive for it, but should also rejoice in the imperfections that make us who we are.
You have blessed so many mothers with this and I thank you again, from the bottom of my heart.
Loved this and needed this! I’ve been learning this in my life right now due to certain circumstances and it was so validating to read it in your beautiful writing. Thank you!
Thank you for this post! There are so many times that I feel like I should be doing more…that I am inadequate as a mother to my 9 month old twins, but this post help me put everything into perspective….they just want their mommy and nothing more! Thank you for making me feel like a good mother again!
Thank You, April! Today, my boys and I are going to fly that kite that the Easter bunny left for us. I don’t care if the wind isn’t just right…
What a great post. I was in the middle of my spin class, trying to get through a huge hill, when I got to the part about your mother and started crying. I had to finish it later. Thanks for posting this and reminding us what really matters.
Thank you for writing this- I really needed to hear it. I do love to see what is out there online, but it has been causing stress as I plan two events in the next couple of weeks. That you for this reminder to be more than do and to not put so much pressure on myself!
Thank you!!!! This was a well needed reminder!!!!!!
that was an awesome post
Sent this post to all my mommy friends! A very nice reminder of what really is important! I miss my mom everyday and I know she’d laugh at all we mommy’s try to do in this day and age.
Thank you so much for making me feel a better, normal, mom. I often tend to feel inadequate, comparing myself to all those perfect mums around the web…
I lost my mother when I as 17, I will be 31 this year. The only mom I have ever wanted, missed and longed for was her, my mother! I never thought about it like that before or the fact that my own kids would feel that way about me. Thank you for putting things into perspective.
I appreciate what you write and Thank you for this message. We always need reminders. But where I have a problem -is the finger pointing.
Why, as women can’t we just lift each other up, and not continue to make someone feel bad for what they do, or don’t do. I just heard a woman be-little another because she is a stay at home mom, and she doesn’t understand what she does all day. WHO CARES. Stay at home mom vs. working mom. Someone who exercises/someone who does not. etc etc etc Someone on Pinterest..
When I go on Pinterest, I go on the computer when my child is in bed. Facebook connects me with loved ones who live far away, and near. To me, it is MY time, and it is my little moment of escaping the stressful thoughts and things I need to deal with. For me, a person who is an artist and person who went to school for design- I love to be inspired. Sorry that does not work for you. You seem to take things very personal . I just laugh at those kind of posts.
You obviously took the time to write this on a blog, I hope that didn’t take away from your time with your kids.
C’mon. To each his own. If social networking, tweeting, pinterest makes you feel bad then definitely live without it. It is your choice. But why you write an article that has a hidden message of making those who DO choose these outlets, to feel bad about it, is beyond me. . Here is my message. Let’s not judge other people, especially other women and mothers.
Let’s celebrate being strong beautiful mothers, and women. And if I want to find some fun things on Pinterest, then so be it. You have a choice, I have a choice. My child and my family is ALWAYS my first choice. yes this article is a nice reminder. But what I juggle, and how I spend each day is my choice.If people take other people’s messages on Facebook too personal, than yes, they should NOT be on a social networking site. For me I get inspired.
I have some similar family health issues like you mention about your beautiful mother. My family is always my priority.
I feel so sad to read some posts above from women who compare themselves to other people. That makes me sad. And sadly, it is an article like this – intended to “remind” us that we need to focus on our children and family -that ends up making people feel bad because they are Pinterest followers.
it will never end. Be confident in yourself, and how you live your life. Don’t compare yourself to others because it is wasted energy that you could be spending on YOU
I am sad I took 15 minutes out of my day to write this. I appreciate your thoughts, and all of the positive comments but I couldn’t help myself. technology is not going away.
I am more upset about the woman I saw verbally abusing her child at the coffee shop, rather than how much time she spends with technology .
Good show April.
Its funny in our house I’m the one that does Pintrest while my awesome wife doesn’t have the time because she’s so focused on me and our children. We thrive on togetherness as a family, its like our drug.
My favorite part of the article was envisioning you all in bed joking, laughing and planing the day together. If you have that then its okay for you can hunt for spices in the drawer just like the rest of us.
Keep up the great work. I’m trying to get my sister to come to the retreat in SF, you would love her, she’s awesome!
Thank you so much for this! I see all of these awesome things online too and think that I must be doing something wrong. Then I remember that my kids absolutely love playing outside in the sandbox, skiing on Saturdays, boating and so many other family activities that take up the time that I would be spending making those picture erect cookies that don’t taste any better than the regular old circular ones!
This is such a good reminder, thank you!!!
Heather, I appreciate your thoughts, and it seems that your intent is to help people to be confident in their own choices and not to judge others. I whole-heartedly agree. And I apologize if I’ve offended anyone who loves Pinterest. That wasn’t a “hidden” agenda of mine, at all. I actually love what I see there–it’s just that I had a hard time appreciating others’ beautiful abilities when I compared myself to them–which I’m learning not to do anymore.
Please–anyone who reads this (and there are a lot of you!)–if you love Pinterest, that is GREAT!! Go for it! Enjoy! Social networking is beautiful in so many ways. I was simply writing a post about balance and learning to focus on our highest priorities. I wish we could meet in person so I could hug you and really get to know you.
Love,
April
Thank you for this post. It is a great reminder of what matters. As a single mom of four, it seems that most of what is posted in the media is about what my children lack and all of the things that it is impossible for me to provide. But I do give them myself, and, hopefully, that will make all the difference!
What a wonderful post. I couldn’t agree with you more. I have celebrated motherhood for 26 years and enjoyed doing so much with my children. Sometimes I miss the career I could have had but I have been blessed to dable in lots of fun things as a fringe income to subsidize “career motherhood” as did my mom who is now 90 years old. No regrets!!!
I needed to read this exactly TODAY. Thank you so much. With all of my heart!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I couldn’t agree more!
Love, love, LOVE this! As a mom of 3 (2 of which are on the Autism spectrum), it’s difficult to NOT compare myself to other moms who seem to have it all together. I certainly don’t. I recently started blogging and wrote a short ebook, and I’m finding that taking time for myself actually helps me do more for my kids. It is ALL about balance, and we, as mothers, need to feel worthwhile as not just a mother and wife but also as an individual.
By the way, while I was pregnant with our only daughter, I spent hours reading blogs and looking on etsy and finding instruction videos for making headbands and bows. I had intentions to make every bow she ever wore and all of these amazing headbands…. I bought all of my materials, storage containers, special scissors, special glue, beautiful ribbons, flowers, etc.
Well, I have made TWO bows! Our daughter is 2 YEARS old!! Hopefully she’ll forgive me one day for making her wear bows from Target.
As I sit here, tears starting to well up, I’m wishing I had read something like this when my kids were growing up. Although I went to all their basketball, baseball, soccer, volleyball games, I wasn’t there because of other wrong choices I had made instead. I’m almost 54 and my life with my kids is now starting to blossom. Oh how many year I lost, working and thinking money would make it all okay…WRONG. Thank you for writing this. I am so grateful for my kids and my grandchildren and love them more than words could ever describe, just wished I had started earlier.
Thank you for the sweet reminder!
What an amazing post. Thank you for the encouragement, you are right on!
But you do exactly what those other moms are doing. There talents are soapmaking and marathon-running. You write. Those feelings of guilt are self-imposed. This isn’t someone saying “Nananabooboo you can’t craft.” They’re not writing essays on how differently we love our children, but you are, so let’s take a moment to celebrate the many small ways to have a large impact on children everywhere…
That feeling of empowerment is coming from yourself, not not needing pinterest.
I really needed this. Thank you. I have been doing this to myself for about the last year. Amazing article, and I have shared it with every mom I know…and on Twitter and FB!
Thank you.
Wonderful post. I think all of us “moms who are online” and even ANYONE who spends time online can relate. What do I want my little boy to remember- a mom who spent every spare moment getting things “right” for the photo, or a mom who spent every spare moment loving my kiddo? Thanks for putting things back into perspective for us.
I did not take offence to anything April said. I appreciated her gentle reminder that it is too easy to get frustrated, and forget the simple things in life. IMHO I did not think she was saying anything negative to those who enjoy pinterest or other social media sites. I am a mother of three with a day job and also juggeling my own (small) home buisness. My family has always come first, but it is sometimes hard for me to balance everything. Thank you again for your gentle reminder that life is short and the bottome line is to find your balance to keep yourself happy, whatever it is!
I don’t have kids but I have a mom. After reading your post, I sent her a text message (she’s very busy at work) telling her I loved her. My mom didn’t decorate & she’s not gourmet cook or anything like that. I didn’t care when I was a kid and I don’t care now that I’m in my 30’s. She took/takes me shopping, gave/gives me advice, and most importantly makes time for me.
It takes about 20 people to be Martha Stewart. She has a TEAM of assistants doing most (if not all) of the work behind her shows.
Wow. I LOVE this post! It’s a great reminder–and also provides a nudge to set aside the computer and just spend time with my cherished children. Thanks so much!
Great post, I needed to hear this, even though I’ve never met you I know what you speak is true. Over the past year I had some major situation changes in my life (not saying mine are worse than others, but they are real to me) and I was thrown into raising my 2 toddlers by myself, 24/7 with no help. If you’ve ever been in that situation, you know how frustrating and stressful it can be, even with all the love…it’s exhausting. As the year went on I started doing less and less with my girls, and I just knew they would resent me for it. I ruined my kids, is what I thought every day. My husband then returned home and the kids needed him. After a year, they truly needed him because he is their Daddy. They cried when he’d leave to go to the store, and I just knew they wouldn’t react the same to me. I knew they were glad when I was gone. But what I found out…they have an even stronger reaction to me leaving then to him leaving! My kids do love me and they want me there with them. I wish I would have realized this sooner, but better late than never! That was my eye opener to know that my kids do love me, even if I’m not doing every single entertaining thing for them every waking second of every day. Actually, I think I’m a better mom because I spend some time with them during the day, teaching, helping and playing, and I let them spend the rest of the time learning to do their own things by themselves. Thanks for posting what I’ve recently learned and still struggle to remember. Sorry for the novel.
What a wonderful article! I got teary-eyed. I am a single mother, and sometimes I feel like I am just not enough for my son. But this week he is on Spring Break, and we’ve made every day a theme. I have seen that even without money or a father in his life, it IS enough to just spend time with me.
Wow! That was an awesome article. Made me cry. My mother is alive and well today, but we definitely have some tense moments sometimes. I’ve always been close to her and this made me appreciate her all the more. I also feel discouraged a lot on the fact that I simply don’t have time to do a lot of the Pinterest stuff. Thank you so much for the encouragement. My kids freely give me hugs and kisses and always start laughing when I laugh at something even if they have no clue, which makes me laugh even harder sometimes! 😀 I’m definitely keeping this post as a reminder!
Also, for your mother: I’ve done a lot of research on different health issues and alzheimers has been linked to toxicity in the body. One of the toxins is aluminum (which is in a LOT of things). There are several things your mother can do and here are a couple of things: There is a certain coconut oil company that actually comes from Fiji that you can buy online. They have on their website that the people on that island don’t suffer from alzheimers because one of the factors is that they eat the extra virgin cold pressed coconut oil. They have lots of information how coconut is so good for you as a healthy fat – one we all need. Their website is: http://www.naturesapproved.com
Also, I am an independent distributor for Young Living Essential Oils. I have quite a bit information on how essential oils can help your body fight and/or prevent alzheimers. If you’d like to know more, please email me at [email protected]. Just put in the subject box that you want to know more about YL essential oils, because I delete emails that I don’t know who they’re from. 🙂 I’ll be praying that God gives ya’ll wisdom on what route ya’ll should take for your mother. Please feel free to contact me. Thanks again for such a GREAT article! My spirits are lifted! Hope you have a GREAT day! 🙂
That was an amazing… so touching story. I tried not to cry but could not help myself… tears falling… we tend to forget that happiness is so much more then just making our home look pretty. It’s how we feel about each other… the moment we spend together. My mom is getting older (of course, they all do)… and I am so grateful for the time we have together, talking, sharing, laughing. It is these moments I will cherish for ever and remember. I bet this is also these moments that my boy will remember most. So important to remember just that: the importance of just being with them, sharing, caring. Who cares if the birthday cake does not look like it was made from a pro-cook-4-star-decorating-chef… hehehe 🙂 Well I guess all I wanted to say is: Thank you. 🙂
Thank you for posting this beautiful reminder about what is truly important. I struggle with comparing to others as well as idealistic standards of my own. I want to really take your challenge to heart. Discouragement has far too large a place in my life. I want to remember my children want “me”.
I had no idea I would cry while reading this! Thank you, and blessings on you and your girls. I don’t have any of those fancy things either, but I have boys who at 14 still want to sit next to me and hug me and a mom who still remembers most of what I tell her. <3
Teary-eyed over here. Thank you! I often dwell on how much I miss my mom too. She is still alive, but distant. We sure take for granted the time we get to spend with our moms and as moms.
Teary-eyed over here. Thank you! I often dwell on how much I miss my mom too. She is still alive, and no mother-of-the-year, but still my mom. We sure take for granted the time we get to spend with our moms and being moms ourselves.
tears rolling down my face…… thanks for sharing….
Aunt Bev
Emily, I like your idea of extra curricular not extra credit. This means to me that there are things we must do as a parent that are required and then we can all spend our “extra” parenting time how we wish. Some of us craft with our kids, some of us cook, some of us go on hikes,some of sit and snuggle. And the extra curricular activities are hopefully based on our kids needs as well as our own.
My two children grew up so I enjoyed reading your entire story as it brought back memories of when they were young. My oldest son passed at the age of 25 and my mom died a year later at age 71. I wish I had all the days back – I’d put the housework, work and foo-foo things on the shelf and dance more with them. We had such fun, including my mom!!
Today my Mother would have been 67 years old, she passed away in 2001 with stomach cancer. My son who is ironically, 26 months today, is a sheer joy and very knowledgeable for 2 years old. However, just the other day I was discouraged, comparing myself to what I think other Moms are like, and I decided to make sure that I was giving my family the best of me. I do work with my son, but sometimes I like to get away on the computer or on the phone and sometimes I feel guilty because we don’t do enough crafts, or get out enough during the day, or he doesn’t have a consistent nap time, or he sleeps in our bed most of the time, and he likes corn dogs over veggies, but I’m trying. I am going to do better, as our days at home together are about to change(we have plans for school this August). I know that my child and my wedding gift bonus child (my step-daughter, age 12), do love me, because they show it often. I absolutely love this article, it brought tears to my eyes as well. I remember how much I loved my Mother and how I long for her now, I also remember good times, mistakes and the great lessons she left me with and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I slept in the bed with my parents forever (and I feel terrible for that now), and although I don’t want my son doing that, I know that it didn’t ruin me. I pray that I always give my children and my husband the absolute best that God has instilled in me. Thank you so much for that article. You have truly touched my heart today as I celebrate my Mother and as I celebrate Motherhood.
I love this, actually had a few tears rolling down my cheeks. Cuz I understand exactly how you feel. I don’t do “trendy”, I don’t do “boutiques”, I don’t make 100k+ dollars a year to waste on brand names and Pininterest type crafting and fancy junk for my home.. but I love my son. And I love the son baking in my belly. And I think that’s better than all that money or time-wasting craftiness could buy, because in the long run that’s all they want, all that matters.. not a mother who obsesses over material things!!!!
THANK YOU!!!!!
April,I can’t believe all the comments. I commented early on like #30 or something before this post went viral. I’ve read most of the comments as they have come through. At first I was really excited for you and the Power of Moms, but when the comments went to 400 and then 500, I almost got disturbed. So many women could relate and needed this gentle reminder. This was sort of sad to me and speaks to a much deeper issue than Pinterest and facebook and blogs. It may be an indication of an epidemic in women of an overall lack of self worth and lack of confidence in who we are and what is ours to do. First many readers compared themselves to blogs and Pinterest and they felt bad and now they turn to the same thing (a blog post) to feel good- to remind them they are okay just the way they are. Where is our internal anchor? our inner acceptance and knowing that holds firm regardless of what is around us? Why do many women compare themselves so much? or need others to tell them what we are doing is okay? I have never met a man that felt bad about himself after reading a friend’s Facebook status update or a friend’s blog post. I gotta figure out why so many guys get it and so many of us don’t. I truly want to understand women better; because when we get to the bottom of the real issue and the real insecurities, then we can begin to heal.
Thank you so much for this! I didn’t become a SAHM by choice, so the rough days can get pretty rough with 3 kids who are 3 years and younger. And I thought I had to be one of “those” Moms since I am now a SAHM. Plain and simple, I am not. But I am thankful every now and then that I have this opportunity to be at home with my kids and remind myself that it is a privilege. Thank you for reminding me again!
Thank you. You brought tears to my eyes and reminded me that my 5 1/2 year old and 4 year old girls are far more important that anything else. It’s easy to lose your perspective and get lost in technology and consumerism. But your post is my reminder. Both of my parents are getting older (as I’m an only) and I had a FANTASTIC childhood. This will remind me to give that to my girls.
I’m a grandma now and I so regret my years of being a young mom…..we didn’t have social media, but we spent a lot of time on the phone and I was involved in way too many activities. But God has given me a 2nd chance with my grandchildren and I’m so very grateful. This is a great place to come….common sense is what we need sometimes. And to trust our own hearts.
All I can say is thank you so.
I meant thank you so much lol
Thank you. I was another who had to stop reading this to go and get a tissue ♥
Thank you for a wonderful article that sparked great dialoges. It shows how diverse we all are and how wonderfully we are growing in knowledge and wisdom. I am 70 years old and I hope I never stop listening to what others have to share because we can learn so much from one another. And even though in our hearts we know what and who is most important in our lives, sometimes we need to remind ourselves or one another once in awhile to help us get back on track. I thank God for technology, creativeness, the ability to be vulnerable and to trust the goodness and kindness of others to accept me as I am and encourage me to grow more and more so that I can give more and more to others. Thank you for this wonderful inspiring article and thank you to each one who has replied sharing their own insights. You have made my day extra special today. Thank you all!!
You made me cry! Thanks for the check!
I am thankful for Bessie, the sweet friend that sent post this to me….and would like to say…
April, Thank You….I just came home from sipping tea with my mother while discussing a new challenge concerning her health, as she try to navigate her limitations, while also caring for my dad. I am so grateful for the love and care for all of my family, and especially for me, and the sacrificial example set before me, to follow in her footsteps. As we continue to grow in love,and to love, I am honored to join so many other….mothers….
I understand that this post has been making its round- thanks for filling out with words so often what I am trying to say- thanks
made me cry, too! love this post and will be reposting. *HUGS*
Thank you so much for this! A friend shared this, which I read with tears and then registered here. So many wonderful things that I’ve been missing! Thank you!
I mean, like you need ANOTHER comment, but I just had to write that your post really touched me. I’m going through changes in my life (tearing up as I write this) and have had so many doubts about my mommy skills and felt I’d failed in so many ways. Reading your post made me realize that I haven’t failed and the reality is that I have 2 little girls that knows that their mommy loves them to the end of the earth and back and it’s not because everything is perfect but because I love them the way I do. Thank you….
One word, AWESOME! Thank you! 🙂
You spoke right to my soul and I couldn’t help but tear up at the fact that I haven’t given all of me because I’ve been busy trying to be “the best.” Thank you for this!
Love this!
Wonderful post! Great advice and inspiration to all moms! Sharing on my blog too 🙂
Wonderful sentiments! Love your message. Thank you for capturing with words what so many of us moms are feeling…
I’ve had this open for a day now – while I’ve run around and gotten Very Important Things done. Thanks for redirecting me towards the Actually Important Things. I’m glad the post has gotten so much attention – a lot of us needed to hear it!
This article is so point on!! I’m an empty nester and a labor and delivery nurse and I tell my pts all the time your kids want u not things! spend less time working and more time with them!! If u ask my kids what they remember most about there childhood it’s the things we did together as a family not all the material things they got! They are 24 living 2 hours away but still love spending time with me and my husband and our family and friends just hanging out!! So all u young moms out there stop trying to be perfect and stop trying to keep up with the jones! Spend time with them play board games go for a bike ride be silly! Make cookies with them but they don’t have to be perfect!! They will love u for it!!
Thank you! Thank you! <3 this.
Love, Love, LOVE your message! I’m so glad a friend shared your post with me.
Thank you for making me feel normal and overall grateful for my family!
It inspired to write about taking time out with my kids and how we did that during spring break.
http://www.frescavida.com/2012/04/family-that-plays-together-stays.html
Wow, I so needed this. I’m a single mother of five kids ranging from 4 to 11 and I struggle daily with not being “enough” for them. But what you put into perspective so well is the grouchy woman I can be at the end of a long day because I didn’t live up to my perceived expectations for myself….hurts my kids way more than I think. And you’re right, what they need is mom – not über mom…just me, my time and attention. And sometimes on only one child at a time.
Thank you for the humerous and well thought out article. I loved it!
I loved this article!!!!!!!!
I’m a young dad (27) and my wife thinks that she needs the energy and enthusiasm to do all the things she sees on pinterest, facebook, etc. All myself and our son want is for her to sit and love on us. All we need is her voice and her love. Nothing else will ever matter to me, or our son. I am going to share your blog with her so she knows she isn’t alone.
This was awesome!! Going to share it on my fb page – Train Up The Child
Thank you. I am so grateful for your words. What a gift you have of expressing what we all feel and doing it in such an encouraging way.
April, Thank you so much! I am convicted at the number of times I am too busy trying to hold it all together, when maybe I just need to let it all fall apart a little, so we can all take a deep breath and relax. Your article was shared with me by a co-worker, and it has been a pleasure to share it with other women in my life! God bless! Shannon 🙂
Made me cry! I never had any issues with myself about being a good mom for my child until this past yr. we have both hit some great milestones and I felt lost because she turned 18 and I just did not know what to do next, I literally cried for 3 months because she had been the total focus of my world for 18 yrs. Then 5 months later I turned 40. I did work outside the home, but as an instructional assistant, so I kept her school schedule and was off when she was. Your article made me cry because I know I created the memories with her that she will cherish. Your article helped me to realize that. I did not have to spend a ton or be extra creative our memories are the little things. She still sits on my lap every night after her shower so MOM can brush her hair at 18, to think a few yrs back I complained about this, now I do not want to give up when she goes to college in the fall. We take a trip to a zoo every yr. this yr a friend went with and we discovered together that we prefer just the two of us at a zoo, made a mental note that no one is invited to join us next yr, that is our special activity that we both enjoy doing together. 2nd trip to a zoo this yr., and as we strolled past the tigers she slipped her hand in mine, had to text my husband and tell him, it was the highlight of my trip! Visiting zoos has been our special activity since she was 10 months old and we have been to 7 different zoos from Washington DC to St. Louis. If we go on vacation you can guarantee we will find a zoo. I am learning even though she is an adult I am and will always be needed because I am Mom! I am grateful to have been fortunate enough to have created these memories and more everlasting memories you have mentioned in your article and I know she will one day cherish them as much as I do. After she turned 18, and I practically had a mental breakdown over it I switched jobs and now I work with underprivileged families and I plan on sharing your article with the parents I work with, just because it stresses how important the little things are to our children, we do not have to give our children tons of expensive gifts and name brand clothes to be loved, it is fine if you do but what is going to matter in the end is the time you spent with them doing little things.
Stacy-
Thanks for sharing. It is nice to be reminded that my kids really will appreciate my presence in the home. My mom worked once we were all in school, but she and my dad offset their schedules so one parent was always at home when we were out of school. I do appreciate that.
I guess it is just nice to get a glimpse of that “light at the end of the tunnel.”
WOW April! I don’t know that you will ever even GET to this comment in the midst of this sea of beautiful sentiments, but I wanted to tell you you are amazing and you have written this out so very perfectly. Thank you, Thank you! Love you!
I always love every post you write, but this one takes the cake. Thank you for putting into words what my heart has been feeling.
I lost my mom 5yrs ago. What I wouldn’t give for one of those phone calls. I try every day to let my kids know just how much I love them. I’m a terrible cook, I reall hate to dust, but I adore my family. I always have time for hug and love to talk to my kids. I’m not super mom but I do my best.
Thank you, Shawni. These past few days have been quite incredible. I’m trying to write a response blog post, but I’m pretty much speechless. I’ve thought of you often–especially as my email load has jumped so much. Miss you! Love, April
Wonderfully said. Our gifts are unique and to be used to do amazing works. Making comparisons and trying to be something we are not is most certainly not what God has intended for our lives. Thank you for such an honest truth.
p.s. I’m completely guilty of publishing stories/photos on cute hairstyles (although quite the struggle on the holding still piece)… http://www.milehighmamas.com/2012/04/04/pretty-easter-hairstyles-for-girls/#comments
http://wineglasslipper.wordpress.com/2012/04/04/how-to-create-beautiful-hairstyles-for-girls/
Can I just say how very much I admire and envy your being loved for *exactly* who you are. I think that’s all each of us hopes for 😉
This is truly inspirational-thank-you. I lost both of my parents to cancer long before dementia had a chance to set in and I would so very much love to have either one of them here to sit and talk to or to have tea with. We all place way too much pressure on ourselves to be the ideal mother and really must remember how important just being ourselves is to our families. It is the little things that are appreciated most.
Just to sit and sip a cup of tea,
and talk about what was and is,
would mean the world to you and me
and set my mind at ease.
Especially to know that you
are content inside and happy too,
just to sip a cup of tea with thee
would mean the world to me.
WOW! This article really hit on us! Very interesting that we all mothers and grandmothers needed so much this letters. We should try to simplify, truly simplify, not just read about it.Excellent job…thanks!
Laura Oreamuno.
San Jose, Costa Rica.
Central America.
April,
You are exactly right! Beautifully written. Mothers matter! Thank you so much for your article. Thank you for being a deliberate mother and inspiring other mothers to be the same!
I simply love this article and so glad i had teh pleasure of reading it! Its so true we always think we not good enough but most times simplicity works and its how you spend your time is what matters. I wish i could do all those things and more… and yes i also do look and print and say One Day…. maybe One Day i will get to it but for right now I am simply Happy being Simple.
Thank you, this is what I needed today, most days are good but some days not so much. A daughter with a “terminal” condition, the loss of my father in law, coping with my mother in law and my own parents in their late 70’s just someday’s gets a little overwhelming. This was a perfect reminder that all my daughters are happy to have me, just be ME !
Very beautiful post! I also have an ageing mother who I miss very much! I read this post with tears in my eyes.
Wow! You’re so blessed to have kids who appreciate what really matters! My kids can tell when I get frustrated trying to do stuff “other moms” do (I’m better with tools than make-up) and they tell me that I”m doing a great job and they love me for trying. I also understand “missing” your mom, but for me it was my grandma. Hugs and thanks for a powerful message that all moms need to read!
This is my first time on this website, and I really enjoyed this post! I think it rings true for so many moms, I know it did for me. Thank you for this great post!
http://www.hecticharmony.net
I just happened upon your blog thru a friend on Facebook….wow…so true! We tend to forget what is really important and we need people like you around to remind us…thanks!!
beautiful, BEAUTIFUL, beautiful!!! 🙂
Wow. What an amazing post. I found myself getting a little teary eyed reading this. Everything you said is so true.
Thank you for this! I think this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today!
This is such a wonderful, beautiful, important message.
Beautiful article…I cried during the entire article! As a Professional Organizer, I try to impart this sentiment and obscessing over being Martha Stewart “perfect.”. Children just want their parents Period. Even a simple gathering around the family dinner table (all together) seems to be a huge challenge today. I am thankful that my kids are grown and their childhood memories consists of playing in the dirt with a stick and catching fireflies on a summer night. And of course, cuddling in bed with Mommy and Daddy.
I randomly fell upon this on Pinterest…sort of ironic. This is exactly what I needed to hear today! Thank you for sharing!!
one word : AMEN!
You are right on! Too many people are caught up on keeping up an image or having what someone else has that they don’t appreciate what they do have! When you die, do you want your family around you holding your hand or a roomful of insignificant stuff?
Enjoy your time with your family that is truly what matters!
Thank you for posting this. These beautiful words brought tears to my eyes. I too find myself trying to do all the “perfect mom stuff”. I needed to be reminded that my kids love me for me, imperfections and all. Thank you so much!
Thanks April for sharing your message. Moms all over would benefit from your heartfelt and loving guidance. To all the moms who keep on trying… Hooray! Keep up the great work!
WOW you may hav ejust saved MY family! Thankyou! You are so lucky that your kids say those things to you. how sweet. i have a 3 year old and i hope that he appreciates me like that!
Thank you, Thank you! So comforting, and encouraging! A must read for all Moms!! Unexpectedly, I was moved to tears in the part about your own Mom. I lost my Father in 2007, and my Mom is also in her 70’s. It is heartbreaking sometimes to realize our best mentors, and often one of our best friends in the world are changing and will never quite be the same again. It was such a blessing to be reminded that there are other Moms that are going through the same.
My prayer is that our own unique mothering, above all else, moves our own children to loving tears when we age.
I’m sitting here reading this and tears are filling my eyes because I can totaly realte to you. I feel like a failure for not making “ice cream shaped grilled cheese”! Thank you thank you for reminding me what my kids actually want is for me to just be there with them and my “burnt” grilled cheese, but boy do we have fun laughing about my cooking skills. But I do TRY
I appreciate this post. My mom was one of those very critical women who measured herself by what people thought of me (and her) and I never measured up to her expectations before she died. I have a hard time not seeing myself as a “good enough” wife, mother and person, especially with all the visible examples all over the internet of people doing/being “better.” This was a gentle way of redirecting people like me from putting down the “Overachieving Mommies” as a way to compensate for my own inadequacies and focus on what is important.
I will probably spend the rest of my life whispering to myself, “I’m good enough; I’m good enough” before I fall asleep at night. But I always need guidance and inspiration to be the kind of mother my own mother wasn’t.
beautifully said!
Your Mother must be an incredible woman ~and a wonderful example of what I want to give my children. The other day, I was “busy” doing “stuff”,my kids kept asking me to play and finally I heard my words… I will when I have time ~give me a few minutes! I stopped what I was doing (don’t even remember now what I was doing), but I remember what I did do. We played twister, the 4 & 7 year old way and then we snuggled up and ate popcorn and watched a movie.
Thank you for sharing such a powerful messages…
i am on the other side of being a mother…i even had a second chance when i adopted my grandson as an infant. you girls are all on the right track…your children wont remember the handmade soap, but they will remember the time you spent with them…it is our greatest gift. i watch my daughter now with her 3 precious girls and believe i must have done something right the first time around as she is a wonderful mom and her girls adore her. Keep supporting each other….it is worth it.
I don’t have kids yet, but that was wonderful. I hope to read it again when I do have kids as a reminder.
Here’s something a friend sent me recently. May help with your mom:
http://www.cbn.com/media/player/index.aspx?s=/mp4/LJO190v1_WS
THANK YOU for writing this! From time to time we need this reminder. Put down the computer, pick up your child, and give them your love and attention. this is what they want most of all.
Thank you for this assurance!!!! It is hard to see other Mom’s doing everything so perfectly and taking their kids to so many activities when we stay home and play with construction paper and tape while the house is a mess of toys, dishes and clothes waiting to be washed and put away ;o)…. I have to wonder if those “perfect” Moms have the same feelings. Lately my 2.5 year old have been telling me “I love you so much” and it’s just a reminder to me that she does want me not all those other things or activities! Thank you for making me feel that I’m on the right track of nurturing and trusting that I’m the best Mom for her! Hugs!
With so many comments, I don’t know that this will even be seen. I just have to say one thing though. Thank you. Thank you soooo much for this.
I loved that little poem, it warmed my heart and made me smile! Thank you for sharing! <3
Such a beautifully written post. Thank you for the gentle reminder that it’s ok to just sit back and enjoy being with our kids. When I first started doing pinterest, I did a gazillion pins. Then, our old computer died and I couldn’t. So I enjoyed life with my little guy. 🙂 Now that we have a new computer, I still go on pinterest, but only to get ideas of things I will ACTUALLY do with him. 🙂 I gave up on trying to do everything…sometimes it’s easy to get sucked back into that cycle, but I’m beginning to really look at who I want to think I am a “super-mom”: society, or my kids. I definitely want my kids to look back and say that I was there for them, not that I was society’s version of supermom. Thank you!
What a beautiful post. I’m a new mom and send so many hours worry about what I might mess up one day. I think I need to remember I’m not perfect and as long as I love my baby girl as much as humanly possible than all is right with our world!
Thank you! WOW. Haven’t stopped the tears yet to gather better thoughts. Just THANK YOU.
This is exactly the reason I avoid Pinterest… I have no need to feel like less of a person because I don’t channel Julia Child and Martha Stewart, simultaneously. My kids love it when I cook “my” special recipes and they enjoy making paper airplanes, blanket forts and cardboard box adventures…Don’t let the world tell you what kind of mother you need to be…You show them what kind of mother you already are.
I was given my perspective on this very thing just a week ago as I sat in a hospital room with my 12 yr old. I said to him “I’m your Mom, I just need to make you better and I don’t know how” he looked at me and said “Mom, you can’t fix everything that’s what doctor’s are for. I’m just glad you are here.” WOW!! This article hit home about how I feel about my own Mom. I have NEVER in my 40 yrs expected perfection from her. All I have ever needed and wanted was for her to be there and just love me. I found that out sitting in that hospital room that day. My kids just need me to be there and love them through anything and everything. Thank you for the your beautiful reminder!
I really needed this today! Thank you! Today has been one of those days that I just don’t think that I measure up to all the expectations of what it is to be a stay at home mom. My three beautiful children are the light in my world and yet I feel like I’m failing because I don’t have enough time to do it all. And I miss my Mom! She lives so far away and it’s so rare that I get to feel one of her embraces or snuggle into her crook when I need to. I get to be that for my children but there are days like today that I just want to snuggle next to my Mom and feel her love for me. Even as an adult and a mother, I still want my Mom especially on a day like today.
Love your article, I too cried because it hit home because my mother also suffers from Alzheimer’s and I miss her. She can’t hear or talk and there is no communication. It is heartbreaking watching her waste away. We had so many fun times together going to Hawaii with my Grandma, just the 3 of us. My mom and me also went to craft fairs together and had a craft business together and we enjoyed going to The Parade of homes until she started getting lost. I raised 4 sons and have enjoyed them and now am enjoying my 3 grandsons and finally a granddaughter. I really hope my family can always respect my love for them even though I am not perfect.
Thank you for this beautiful post. I also need to remember that my kids just want me; they think (and rightly!) that I’m awesome. They love me (and rightly) even when I’m really, really floundering. They forgive me (so sweetly) when I am unkind. And so does my sweet husband. And so does my Savior. I’m working on being like that with myself.
What a beautiful message and reminder. Thank you!
This just what I needed today.
Thank you.
What a beautiful message! I too had tears in my eyes when you spoke of your Mom. I lost my Mom when I was pregnant with my 2nd child and although none of my 4 children knew her, the stories I tell make them wish they did. She was not a fabulous cook (nor am I) but she was my biggest cheerleader and that’s what I miss the most. My goal as a parent has always been to be their biggest cheerleader, not in the sense I’m out there screaming at sports games or performances, but as the mom who is there to listen and give a little pep talk when they are feeling down. That’s really all I want them to remember about me when I’m gone, not a perfect house or childhood, but a mother’s pure love.
April – Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I’ve often thought of the damaging effects of the internet… before we only had Martha Stewart to compare ourselves to, now we have the entire web! God made us to create, but when we start comparing, we are either paralyzed or frazzled. Balance and perspective are so important. Thanks for the reminder.
I think I was meant to stumble on your blog and read this post. I have been down on myself for not being crafty enough, or throwing over-the-top parties, or having the most fashionable clothes, or being as beautiful as other mothers. Every other blog or Facebook page seems to portray these beautiful mothers wearing gorgeous clothes, smiling and talking about how wonderful and perfect their lives and children, going to parties with hundreds of friends and taking lots of fun vacations. Your post just put everything in perspective for me. My 3 year old loves me just the way I am and that’s enough for me:) Thank you for this wonderful post!
I’m sniffleing. I love finding inspiration from others who’ve had tried and true successes, and I recognize the ease in comparing ourselves to others, or getting lost in the ideas of what we could do and ignoring the actual of what we have. Your post was funny, and sweet, truthful and kind. Recording your song for your daughter and that picture of you 2 with her sunshine smile melted me heart. I like this part “…our children don’t want a tired stressed out mommy who wishes she was someone else” That might not have been verbatum.
Finally, thank you , and cheers!
You made me cry. I have been looking at my home wishing i could decorate as well as some of my friends. Wishing I knew how to do some of those things I see people doing. Sometimes i do something special for them for breakfast like just slip some food coloring into their pancakes or something, but nothing too big. But we have snow cones in the winter, and play in the mud together. we stay up late and watch a movie and have popcorn. And they think i sing good too. I thank you so much for letting me know Im ok just the way i am, and reminding me the most important thing. My family loves me.
I want to add that I do LOVE getting ideas and inspiration from Pinterest and other social media sites. I do think I stay motivated to be healthy and exercise and stay connected with friends through these sites. But some days I’ll give up my hour at the gym or the nail salon to be with my family, snuggling and reading books together:) Some days I just need a reminder that in my daughter’s eyes, I am all the things I think I’m not:)
This article was a real eye opener for me…thanks so much for bearing your soul!! I was feeling guilty bc of the fact that we could not afford brand new out fits for our kids this year. We spend a large amount of money each month on their education (they attend a Christian school), so our main priority is not in what kind of clothing we can provide. They come from second hand stores, as long as they’re clean and in good condition. Anyway, I found myself envious at all my mommy friends who had decked their little girls in matching dresses, white shoes, new hats, and their boys in new matching suits, etc. I thought, couldn’t I have given my own kids such a thing, if I had been a little more frugal, may be put a few dollars away SS month, etc to pay for brand new outfits. Our children,a little princess and two little princes, looked great on Easter morning, though they were clothes they’d worn before, I still put special thought into each outfit. I guess the point I’m getting ay is this: it doesn’t matter if they have the finest of things, it matters that they have a mom who cares enough to take the time to love, care for, and spend time w each one 🙂
I was talking about Easter outfits, btw lol:)
Thank you, thank you thank you so much for your words!! You just gave me clarity about what is important. I will run and kiss my husband and child now!!
Best thing I’ve read in a while!
My Mom will be 70 in May and she has just been diagnosed with early Dementia yesterday. I too have phone conversations where I just want to cry. I have a 14mo daughter and I sometimes struggle with wanting to be perfect for her. This made me cry and warmed my heart. Thank you.
Thank you so much. Somehow, God always seems to put someone in my path, just when I need them. Thank you for being that person this time.
Just what I needed to hear. Thank you
thank you April I needed this. Motherhood isn’t easy. I heard a talk once given by Julie Beck about a year ago. She talked about how dangerous, blogging/and other activities could be. She said we as mothers find so many things to take us away from the trials of parenting. It isn’t easy but we need to be careful with this. I hope I can be better tomorrow
Just perfect. Exactly what I needed to read tonight. Thank you for saying it just the way it is. Best to you with your sweet family and taking care of your mom.
April!
Just wanted to say hello and send a big CONGRATS to you on the wonderful message you have shared here. It has been so successful and so warmly received because I think we ALL feel this way…that there is just too much expected of us in EVERY area. We always feel we could be doing things much better, much cuter, more efficiently, more creatively…etc. I totally understand that, and I think your message is one everyone relates to SO MUCH with all the social media and sharing that we have going on. It’s great to be creatively inspired, of course, but you are entirely right that kids (and just people in general) just want our time and for us to simply try. 🙂
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I saw you on Studio 5 with Brooke Walker – Mom taped it, and we watched it together. How exciting to receive such recognition for something worth recognizing! 🙂 I’m super proud of you and hope you and the whole Perry Fam are happy and doing wonderfully well!
I love you! I send big hugs your way (to all)!
T-R-I-S-H
I am a 53 yr old grandmother or “Gigi” to 5 AWESOME grandchildren. I constantly watch my daughter push herself just dealing with “mothering” 3 children under 5 yrs. old (2 still in diapers). Thankfully she takes a MUCH more laid back approach to Motherhood than I did at her age. She doesn’t sweat the small stuff like stains on their clothes that are “unexpected” or whether or not everything within their reach is 100% “sterilized” or if she and the children must eat fast food more than once a week because that’s the only way they can get their empty tummies filled while their mother takes care of all her agenda; i.e. transporting all 3 children to their pre-school 25 minutes away 4 days a week, working 4 days a week (between her “transportation” duties) i.e. cooking, cleaning, bathing kids x 3, assisting her husband with his church duties, getting ideas from Pinterest, etc., etc., etc. My point is that this blog was amazing and COMPLETELY “ON TARGET” for a lot of young mothers. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING THIS “ON TIME” PERSPECTIVE !!! TOTALLY AWESOME !!!!!
Thanks, sis! Love you and miss you. Can’t wait to talk. XO
Im so blown away that anyone could read this and turn it into something ugly. That they could twists this into you saying if you are on pinterest and making crafts then you are neglecting your kids. Pretty sure that was not even close to the point you were trying to make. But then again this is so our insecure society…If you type something thats pro breastfeeding then you must think moms that bottle feed are awful! And if you support SAHMs than golly gee you must think working moms are the worst. Someone is always offended.
Truly that was a wonderful perspective you offered and I suppose there will always be those that cant take it for how it was meant, they need to twist it to make themselves feel better. I think that was an honest thoughtful piece and Im glad I read it. The most important thing I took from it was that my kids want me. You’re right. They dont care about how clean my house is or how skinny I am. They want me. Im going to keep reminding myself that. Thanks for your wisdom.
This was great! Thank you so much for reminding us that we don’t need to live in that constant state of comparison. We ARE good mothers even without being crafty, super organized, a gourmet chef, famous blogger, professional photographer, and without being THE PERFECT mother. Our kids love us just as we are.
Isn’t this so true. My BFF and I were talking about this last week and we both had a little laugh over the ways in which we were jealous of each other. I had NO idea she would be jealous of any part of my life. It really made me stop and re-evaluate all that I do have.
Is there an age limit for this group?
I know that for so many people this post was very moving. Thank you! We shared the link here: http://www.stonewritten.com/?p=3869
A friend of mine linked this article on her facebook page and I’m so glad I read it. Tears for sure, but what you say is so beautiful and full of love. I just wanted to let you know that yesterday, coincidentally, a friend of mine and fellow homeschool mom who is also a medical doctor, told me she has started giving her elderly mom coconut oil (mixed with oatmeal) each day and her dementia has dramatically improved. Maybe you’d want to look into that for your mom. God bless you and thanks for writing this post!
I am so Grateful to be reminded how much the World is IN SYNC, by seeing how much our sharing of our experiences and epiphanies is evolving our World and Healing our Hearts. 🙂 🙂
I don’t even have children yet, and this post really struck a chord with me. I need to re-focus on what REALLY matters. My husband and future children aren’t going to remember that I spent hours DIY-ing toilet paper tube art. They will remember that we went for long walk and that we talked about everything. This was beautiful.
Thank you for this. A very important reminder.
Could not have used anything more today- God totally used your post to encourage me- thank you for sharing.
this is exactly what i think of when i look at my house and its not exactly tidy but when my baby boy looks at me with his big blue eyes i cant help but pick him up! he wont be small forever..soon he’ll be all grown up, graduated and married. house work can wait!
This is such a beautiful reminder. Thank you.
Wow! We moms are so often in need of encouragement and struggle with feeling inadequate. What a great reminder that our kids love us for who we are, not for our “Martha Stewart” abilities. Great post! There is such amazing power in being a mom. It is such a privledge and such a responsiblity. It’s also easy to lose our focus on the little things that matter. Thanks so much for your encouragement!
LOVE IT! And whats the first thing i did with it….. pinned it 😛 bahahahahaha
Thank you so much for this post. It made me cry…probably because it’s truth down deep in my heart! AND…it’s FREE-ING! Thank you soooo very much!
Love it April I think I know you? Did you go to Westmont? Well I love your lastest post. my blog is http://www.weedsnflowers.blogspot.com It’s about my journey with depressiong into hope. God bless you.
I’m not even a mom but this was amazing! Just as a person, a woman, I had been feeling similar discouragements because I’m not like what I see on pinterest or in the blogging world. Thank you for reminding all of us that we are not defined by these images and ideas or by what we can make or do! We just need to be ourselves 🙂
beautiful post!
loved this post. It reminded me of what Haim Ginott said about Moms:
http://parentingsimply.com/5-simple-steps-to-being-a-great-mom/
This post really tugged at my heart strings. Especially that last part when you talk about the closeness you have with your mom – how even though she is deteriorating, you’d still pick her all over again. How much I wish I could say the same. But I can’t. I read the latter part of your blog post, trying ever so hard to not break into the ugly cry as the tears blurred the words on the screen.
This post brought to light those old wounds of mine of a mother who could never be that for me. My mother was abusive – emotionally, verbally, and psychologically. Her actions and the things she’d say clearly communicated her hatred of me. I tried so hard to love her into loving me … it didn’t work. I realized one day that all my trying was futile. In fact, the more I tried to love her into loving me, the worse she treated me. It was devastating. Twelve years ago I chose to eliminate my mother from my life because I couldn’t stand being the empty shell person that she had created. I was 34 years old. It took me two months to make that decision (after weighing the pros and cons – the pros screamed that this was something I had to do – not only for me, but for my marriage and my young children.) I mourned the loss of ever having a loving mother. I mourned the loss of ever having a healthy and loving mother-daugher relationship. And it was excruciating.
Through the years though, taking parenting courses and going through therapy, I have learned to be a healthy mom. And I have also painstakingly learned how to be a better woman and wife. I question everything I do as a mother (and a wife.) My husband reassures me that I am a great mom – I sure hope he’s right. I have relationships with my kids that many moms don’t – and I love that they can tell me anything (something I could not do with my own mother as anything I shared with her was never kept in confidence and I was ridiculed and degraded.)
I hope you know that you have a TREMENDOUS gift in having a loving mother. That she wants to take you for ice cream. How much my soul often aches for such a relationship that can never be … but I rely on God to be that for me, and He is – He has stepped up where she failed (and where my father has also failed.) Having the physical, loving presence of a mother though is something I will never have, and I’ve accepted that … to some degree. A part of me still longs for it … but as the years go by, it diminishes a little more each year.
My experience has driven me to not repeat the abuse with my kids. It has driven me to be the most loving, noncritical, and nonjudgmental mom I can be. Yes, I can be strict – but I am also fair. Yes, I have rules, but I also give age-appropriate freedoms. I allow my children freedom of expression and opinion as long as its communicated in a respectful manner. All these things were denied me growing up. And amazingly, I don’t have exasperated children … at least so far, and two of them are now in their teens. They have a loving father (whom I’d choose to marry all over again a thousand times over) and we parent our kids together this way. Rules, as we’ve explained to our kids, are to protect them, not to take away their fun. 🙂
Oh, the damage mothers can do to their children when they simply choose to not love them!!! And just saying you do means nothing … more than verbally expressing love – you need to show it in action and in truth, even when you don’t feel like it. Especially when you don’t feel like it!!!
Children are the most priceless gifts, blessings you will ever have bestowed on you – don’t screw it up. Don’t screw them up – they deserve all you can possibly give!! {hugs}
I forgot to mention too … that being a good mom does not equate to a perfect house … but being there for your kids. It took me some time to learn this – I did have a warped upbringing after all where the appearance of our family was more important than the reality of its dysfunction.
I don’t have a perfectly kept home. I have learned to let things go because kids need freedom to be kids. And we have dogs – so there is no room at all for perfection when one of our dogs is an Old English Mastiff!
I love my kids – I encourage them, I educate them in relationships, I uplift them and build them up. Their growing up years are short … the dust bunnies will wait. 🙂
Thank you for writing a great message.. You inspired me to right a post about my thoughts and feeling about the same thing on my blog!! Thank you for opening my eyes and realizing that It’s ok to be me!
Awesome and so true! I pretty much only check out Pinterest for the funny e-cards, and if we ever make something crazy like star-shaped chocolates using melted chocolate and cheap molds, we do it TOGETHER! Great post!
Risé, thank you for your beautiful words! I read them to my husband, and we are both SO impressed by you! Thank you for taking the time to share them with us–and thank you for being an inspiration. Love to you!!
What a lovely post and a brilliant blog. Its amazing how moms across the globe think the same way. Just the other day I was in a self doubt mode on whether or not I am a good parent and wrote this article on my blog Kids Stop Press http://www.kidsstoppress.com/2012/04/am-i-good-parent/
But The mom challenge it answers it all for all of us.
Happy Parenting!
Mansi
Thank you for sharing this. I am in tears reading this right now! You sound like a beautiful person and I feel for you. I am also very close with my Mom and can totally relate to you. I am a stay at home Mommy of four wonderful children and struggle with the very things you were writing about. With four kids under 8, my house is never tidy or perfectly clean anymore and I rarely feel on top of anything. I sometimes long for that orderly and picture perfect home I see everywhere!!! but as I look back at our home movies from only a few years ago I realize how quickly it is all going by. As beautiful as all these craft ideas and images are (the things you talk about on facebook etc), they are not going to matter at the end of it all. Nobody can do it all and there’s a price to pay for the time spent on all those things. Thank you for helping me to keep things in perspective! You were a blessing to me this morning!
Thank you, April. This really hit close to home and made me cry. I am a divorced, unemployed single mother and full-time student. I am always stressing out about all the things I am NOT doing for my kids. I try to show my kids every day how much I love them. And I do what I can to have special times even though we don’t have a lot of money. I do have people in my life that encourage me and tell me what a good job I am doing and how they think it’s amazing all the things that I do because they wouldn’t be able to handle it all, but I constantly feel like I should be doing more. I should be better. However, at the end of the day, I know my kids love me. My 4-year will just randomly blurt out several times a day, “Love you, Mom.” and my 6-year old brings home fists full of crafts and drawings that he has made for me while at school. These are the things that matter. These are the things that make me feel good. I have been trying to focus more on that lately because that’s what is important. But it is hard not to feel discouraged. While all these other mom’s or mom-blogs are talking about
homemade cookies, or sewing all their own clothes, or awesome couponing strategies or whatever else, I am stressing out about things like the fact that my 6-year old can’t ride a bike or tie his own shoes, and how to get my 4-year old to start dressing himself and brushing his own teeth. And I just feel so inadequate and it makes me frustrated and angry. I barely have enough time in the day to do what needs to be done, let alone be Mary Sunshine the perfect mother and homemaker. I feel I am failing as a parent and, therefore, failing my kids by not being able to provide them rich and fulfilling lives full of every experience possible because there IS so much I would like to do and so much that we haven’t done. I know I am doing the best I can, but it never feels like enough…So, thank you. For the kind words and the perspective. I know, on those all-to-common days where I feel like I am failing miserably as a parent, I will think about this story and remind myself that my kids don’t care about all that stuff, they just care about me. I worry so much about them growing up and “all the things they’ve never done.” But you know what? My parents were great parents. And they did the best they could. I think they definitely provided my sister and me with rich and fulfilling lives, and there are still a TON of things I’ve never done. So, Thank you for helping me come to that realization also!
Thank you so much for this beautiful post. I love to read about the beauty of motherhood. Today I was trying to explain the divine nature of motherhood and it seems that words are not enough. The best explanation I had was that God is our creator, creating everything for us, his children. That is what we do as parents, making it the nearest thing to Godhood in mortal life. I am so thankful for a mother and father who loved us in the easy ways and the hard ways. I’m grateful for the unpopular no’s and the time consuming yeses. I’m so grateful to have had parents who volunteered willingly and cheerfully for service projects and made it seem like fun to pic oranges on a farm that benefitted those without resources to provide for themselves for a time. I’m grateful that they tought me how to think and reason instead of just giving me answers. If I had a questions I got asked a series of questions that would help me truly understand the answer when I came to it. I am so grateful that I learned truth, and not just facts. I am so grateful for so many facets of parenthood that I was the recipient of. Thanks so much for helping get thinking about it even more.
Amazing testimonies here, as my dear mom experienced the same symptoms as yours and Pam’s (above you), yet never lost her sweetness either! Heaven is a little sweeter to me now because she is there and I will see her again. Thank you, Jesus!
Lovely reminder,THANKS to you!
Thanks, April!! 🙂
So, true. We get so caught up in doing “good” things for our families, that sometimes we forget WHO we do them for. Thanks for the wonderful reminder. :)))
This was wonderful and made me cry. I was discouraged today at my daughter’s first birthday party and the cake etc. My friend suggested I read this and it’s so true!
Kelly, what a privilege to read your comment tonight. Can I just say that from my perspective, you are an AMAZING mother? Honestly, you are carrying a huge responsibility right now, but what an example you are for your children. You’re going to school so you can have the education you need to provide for them. You CARE that they learn to ride bikes and tie their shoes. That is a gift right there. My prayers are with you. I admire you. Keep it up. You can do this.
Love,
April
I never felt loved by my Mother nor do I feel loved by my Children. I did my best to be a good Mother. It wasn’t that I just wanted my Mom. It was that I wanted … True Love. I got True Love from My Grandmother … and She taught me where it .. Comes From. She taught me that Jesus was not only my Saviour … but He would always be my Best Friend. What she gave me was … Everything I needed to fulfil .. My Purpose on Earth … and to walk out .. My Destiny. Today I have a Ministry and I am a Christian Counselor. Giving away … what was given to me. Which was …. The Truth. Jesus said : I am .. The Way .. The Truth .. & .. The Life.
Sondra … I feel for you about your mother. It’s nasty when mothers don’t love their kids – it affects us deeply, to the core – it even affects how we are as women, wives and moms (this I know from my personal experience anyway.) I too never came to know what true love was until I met Jesus Christ through my husband’s witness while we were dating. He told me the truth even when it meant I could reject him and not want to see him anymore, but he came into my life shortly after I told God that I needed proof He existed – my husband loved me enough, cared for me enough to tell me the truth. It was through my husband that I finally experienced real, true love. He was the only person that I knew who really loved me (which still blows my mind) – not because he told me, but because he showed me! He didn’t tell me he loved me until he proposed. :o)
The Lord Jesus becomes a best friend … and in my case, as I am sure in yours as well, He has also been the parent where mine fell short. Coming clean about the full extent of my mother’s abuse with the rest of my family resulted in being rejected by them. At least now, I know where they stand. It will always be her word against mine when the majority of the worst abuse was always when she and I were alone.
May the Lord bless you as a Christian Counsellor … it’s amazing how the Lord can take our brokenness and use it for His glory.
This post meant so much to me — it brought tears to my eyes actually — because so often I feel that I don’t do “enough” for my kids when I know that what they really want most is for me just to be with them — they’re great kids and our best times are often the simplest ones! But it can be so easy to lose track of that, thanks for the reminder! 🙂
Excellent post, it made my teary. I actually stopped going on Pinterest a few months ago because it was not only a time suck away from activities that really needed my time, but I felt defeatist, for no reason at all. Thanks for the reminder.
Beautiful, touching and so true! Thanks for the nudge and reminder that I am the best mom for my kids!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this….I have felt very discouraged for the past couple of weeks & I’m so thankful a friend of mine shared this with me. What a wonderful reminder. =)
Thank you for this real and honest post. I couldn’t have said it better myself. I even quoted and referenced this post on my blog because I thought it was so good. Thank you for inspiring me to be the mom that I am, flaws and all.
Blessings!
Ditto – I told my mom I “missed” her a few days ago…. It is so hard. {{{HUGS}}} Thanks for sharing your heart…
Love this message April!
Georgina x
Hi April! Inspired by your post, I wrote this one of my own. http://revolutionfromhome.com/2012/04/lets-all-compare-our-perfect-lives-then-try-to-enjoy-our-day/. Keep up the inspiration! Your perspective is sorely needed.
I tried to tell my mom that her voice sounds better to me than Joan Baez. She was flattered, but didn’t believe me. I think she heard what I meant though.
April, thanks so much for sharing this very heartfelt, well-written post. It’ll be three years this Sunday that we lost our mom to cancer. We called her maladies a trifecta, as she also suffered from cogestive heart failure and Alzheimer’s. But like your mom, she was our rock, even when she became unsteady in later years.
Should you have memory testing done for your mom and find her to be in early stages of any type of dementia, I’ll echo the recommendation on “The 36 Hour Day” and a support group as well as Alz.org’s wealth of information. Blessings to you and your beautiful family.
What a powerful message! We all needed this. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!
this was beautiful!!! We are still fortunate enought to have our beautiful MOM
almost 89 years old and gets around like she is 60.
thanks for sharing….
metairie, la.
Nicole r.
My word; so beautiful and needed. I swear I feel better just reading this and after I spent a whole day (calmly and present) with my kiddos. Thanks for the sweet reminder!
oh this is great. I was feeling a little overwhelmed (okay a lot overwhelmed) after looking on pinterest….this is what I needed most. 🙂
Very nice sentiment – I totally agree with you. We “supermoms” are doing out best – even if we don’t have perfectly organized homes, 5-course gourmet meals every night, and make-up on every day. We are moms and our kids love us, even with our faults. We are super because our kids think we are; our kids think we are super because we volunteer at school, bring them surprise lunches, hug and kiss them all the time, make sure their clothes are clean, and just love them.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This has needed to be said (and read) for quite a while. So many moms feel inadequate, like they don’t measure up. But remembering that your children hold the metre stick, not society, is such an important message! I REALLY needed to read this today! THANK YOU!!!!
Your article hit me right in the heart. How beautiful, how real, how inspiring, how motivating. Thank you for the illumination!
I appreciated this message. Coming from a Mom with married children, I miss the time when I was busy with my children 30+ years ago….. and now they’ve all moved out. Times of loneliness I wish to have that time back or that they would visit me more often. Don’t get me wrong, I have wonderful kids and they live close by. They come by to visit when they can and we go there, but sometimes I need them everyday and they are too busy …like I use to be when they were small. I use to braid 3 heads of hair and now my daughter does that. I was too busy to visit my Mom each day (but I did visit weekly), and that has come to full circle. My Mom has passed away and I so long for that time with her again.
What I’m saying is: The way you raise your children will greatly reflect on how they will respond to you when they are grown up and have children of their own. If you have young children, teach them how truly blessed they are to have family and grandparents. Visit grandparents often and phone them just to talk. Bring them a container of soup and fresh baked brownie. Its more difficult to cook for 2 people than it is to cook for 6. Young children learn by example and in seeing this from their parents, they in turn are more likely to do that when they’re adults.
Pay it Forward is a daily challenge and requires some time for now, but its abundant blessings are the returns for the future. God bless you all
Absolutely amazing read!! And every mom needs to know that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Focus on how great you and your family are and all the things you have going on rather than what you’re not doing.
April – I loved reading this after it was shared on Facebook by a friend. I cried when I read your heart toward your own mother. Very special and touching. This has been a theme on my mind as well. My daughter said to me just yesterday: “When are you going to be off the computer?” (She’s tired of me working like a crazy person during tax season). One lie I used to believe was that I’m not giving enough and she’s missing out when I’m working. I’ve learned to turn that around and realize it’s GOOD that she prefers me to the sitter!! (Instead of hearing the negative mantra). It feels good that our kids “get it” more than we do, don’t they? It’s not so much about whether we’re “do-ing” for them as it is about be-ing with them!! Thanks for sharing your heart with all us moms who need this reminder!!!
with 5 kids, husband, full time job, zoo of pets, sports, and all the other stresses of life I find myself doubting my abilities to ‘do everything” constantly. This is a real encouragement. If we spend all our time trying to “do everything” our kids miss the best part of us, the part that just wants to be with them.
Thank you! I cried when I read this because I can relate to so much of what you shared. Raising 4 kids with the pressure of our must-be-perfect society while watching my mom disappear into her mind with alzheimer’s made me able to feel every word in such a powerful way. Thank you.
Beautiful!! Thanks for sharing your gift of words with us. You rock! 🙂
so sweet the things you said about your mom…it makes me think..one day.
Amazing and beautiful post! Brought a tear to my eye. I feel like this nearly every single day.
What a precious relationship between you and your mother.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Absolutely agree! “Foofers” are what make life worth living! We have to look for the humor in the little imperfections!
Heather,you’re exactly right. I live on a different continent from my mom. She was an amazing homemaker, totally creative, always working on something, but that’s not what I miss. We used to watch crocodile hunter together and she’d mimic him saying “Crikey” but she mispronounced it “Cripeys.” That’s the kind of thing I miss! lol
Sometimes a tight budget makes for a tight family. I remember enjoying the things we did to save money. It made us feel like we were contributing. It’s hard to remember that when you’re the parent on a shoestring budget.
April, you know I adore you and think you are one of the most inspiring people in the universe. This article is a masterpiece. I am sending lots of love to you and your sweet family, and an extra gigantic hug for your mom!
I am so glad I took a few minutes to read your article today. I needed this quick cry at my desk today to really put life back into perspective. 🙂
Thank you. So much. I really really needed to hear this this week.
April, what an inspiring article! I received your article from my daughter, who received it by email from a friend. I’m a 66 year old woman with 4 grown children, 3 toddler grandchildren, and another baby on the way. My mom, now 89, lives in another state. I really appreciated her so much more when I started having my own children. I got to be a stay-at-home mom and cherish those years. Life has not been easy with lots of unpredictable twists and turns, but with God’s help, we have Hope. Thank you for sharing your talents with us.
Love this post! I needed to read this today. In fact, I should probably print this out and read it weekly! Thank you for sharing. I had tears in my eyes reading this. I want to be the mom my son needs, not the ‘do-all’ mom that I sometimes let myself think I should be!
Thank you!
absolutely wonderful article. this subject has been on my mind A LOT lately! actually, for a while. i run my own blog (which lately i only update periodically, when it’s not a burden, because blogging can take a looooong time and sometimes it’s just not worth it!), but a couple months ago decided to close my etsy shop so i can focus on my family. my kidlets are young only once, and i get only one shot at raising them so i better do my best NOW!
so honestly, i make the choice to rarely get get on pinterest, surf blogs, or be on fb. such time sucks they are. fun, yes. but major distractions. family first!
Wow April, what a great article. I look up to you so much and your wonderful example of motherhood and spirituality. Thank you for this great reminder!!!
Wow. Thank you for this. I really needed to hear this and not a moment later. Going through the adoption process with 2 young boys I sometimes feel I hardly know, it’s difficult for me to remember that they have never questioned me as their mother and how quickly and completely they rely on me and love me despite the unfailing realizations I come to each day I wake up wondering, ‘what did I get myself into?’, ‘will it get easier?’, or ‘will I ever feel like I can handle this without breaking down?’
Beating myself up over what I haven’t yet done with them seems so ludicrous when I realize all they want is me. I could be immobile on the couch for most of the day with confusion and exhaustion (which sometimes happens) and they still just want me there…just being with them.
AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!!
I don’t normally respond to blogs but this one deserves a standing ovation!
So, I have a question for you….When’s the book coming out??
This is such a great article. Am definitely going to share. I homeschool my two little loves and am often busy, busy, busy. So..the house can be a mess, projects I hoped to do with them can get postponed (and forgotten). At times, I end the day questioning my value. If only they had a super organized mom who could do it all.
So, I started a blog to search out little moments of our lives. Snippets of joy. Paying attention to the moments with two loves help remind me of what is really important…as does this article. Can’t wait to learn more about your site.
http://thejoypractice.com
I loved this article…especially thank you for sharing your story about your mom. I am a homeschooling mom who often is busy, busy, busy. As such, our house can (at times, ahem) be messy, messy, messy. Projects can be postponed (forgotten). Miscellaneous science projects have been known to litter the kitchen counter (not quite as aesthetically pleasing as soap flowers). I’d be lying if I said that I am immune to the power of pinterest (and the ideal of that perfect mom). When I feel that pull of the “I’m not enough!!” thoughts, I turn to the moment as you did.
I look at the moment…and I look for joy…and I find it everywhere!
thanks again for the beautiful reminder that I am on the right track!!
love, Ruthie
http://www.thejoypractice.com
I enjoyed your thoughts and agree there’s so much pressure out there to be the perfect mother and we have to guard against it. However, I also have to say as a mom who does some of these things sometimes I felt a little judged – as though if I do them I must be somehow neglecting my kids. I don’t think that’s necessarily the case at all. Motherhood takes all kinds, and different moms… different kids… different moments… they all call for different approaches. I think it all lies in being able to look at the people around us (or the ones online as it may be) and try to appreciate them without being harsh with ourselves.
WOW!!! 800 plus comments…that must be the most I have ever seen on any post. Sure does say something about us all and about how we can all relate to your message in some way. I’m going to forward this to a few girlfriends (some of whom don’t have blogs and who are all amazing moms and need to hear this too). Thank you April for a great message and reminder!
Georgia
South Africa
Thank you, this has confirmed to me that our Heavenly Father loves us and knows what we need, even when we don’t verbalise it .. he knows what’s in our hearts!.. very recently I have had moments of feeling i am not all i could be as a new mother, i find myself thinking every other mother has it right, what’s wrong with me… but this article has reminded me that I am what my baby boy needs.. and i need to always remember that and not let things i am not doing get me down, one step at a time and day by day i can learn and get better at things.. and one day.. be that mother I want to be. Thank you.. I needed to read this article today!
Thank you for a great eye opener! Well needed!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I am the mom sitting in front of Pinterest or a beautiful blogger’s “perfect” life posts, and thinking, “I am falling so short. I never do ______, or ______ with my kids, I’m not crafty, I don’t like to bake, I’m way too OCD, I’m just a failure as a mom and a wife.” I HATE those feelings. The thing is, I can also be so encouraged by blogs. So I don’t want to give them up. And I have a blog that I love to do to record our lives and to share encouraging things such as this very post you have written. Ahhhh, it’s like a vicious cycle! I have to tell myself OFTEN, “You are the one person God chose to be your children’s mother and there is a reason for that.”
I needed to read this! Thank you for the encouragement!
Good reminder to all parents that kids just want your time, not more stuff! Having all boys, I know how happy they are to just have a fun time with friends. “Party themes” are not that important and the little touches are more for me then for them! That being said, I have to admit that I absolutely love pinterest and the ideas I see. Just because it may not be my season in life to quilt all day or make a homemade dinner each night for my boys doesn’t mean I have to give up pinterest and blogs entirely. I love the family home evening ideas, scripture reading tips, and new recipes. I have needed the missionary care package ideas for my oldest son, laundry tips for cleaning sports uniforms, and ideas for simple gardening. When I have had a long and difficult day, it makes me happy to look at the quotes I have saved and realize that tomorrow will be better. Each time I see a good idea, I am always grateful that someone talented and creative was willing to share it with us. It doesn’t mean that I have to do it, or that I am less creative or talented. All moms need support in raising kids and the ideas that I have found through pinterest and blogs, such as powers of mom, have helped support me in this righteous endeavor. I hope that all moms realize the great value in the little things they do each day and yet are still able to find a creative outlet as they raise their family.
so true. my son is little enough that he still thinks i’m the greatest thing in the world (he wants to marry me and has started picking out names for our kids!) and i’m going to enjoy every moment of it, to get me through the dreaded teen years, till he grows up and feels that way again!
Thank you for this. I really needed to hear it.
Thanks for sharing April. I recently lost my father and my mom isnt quite herself at 70. I miss them both in these very hard years of my life.. I cannot stop the tears from rolling! I promise to wake up tomorrow and give my children the 100% “me”.
What a great forum for young mothers to share their fears, hopes, and desires. Good for you for getting this started. When I first started reading it I though it was my daughter writing…there is a strong connection between young mothers. So important to have a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on or an ear to lend.
I am a momma to 5 children… 4 of whom have already left the “nest”. I live in Asia and all except my youngest live in the U.S. My dear 76 year old mother is in the States as well. Hang on to moments you have with your children and with your mother for sometimes God calls you to a faraway land and you don’t have them with you anymore (physically). Thank you for sharing your thoughts on children just wanting/needing their mom and the need to reach out to our own mother… while we can.
Wonderfully refreshing!
I don’t even go on Pinterest but this still struck a nerve and made me cry. Thank you.
I am an aging 48 year old mother of a 7 year old. I suffer from depression, have had thyroid cancer and a thyroidectomy, and am chronically fatiqued. I work full time and consider the time left over to be completely for my husband and son. The house is never as clean as I would like. I am terribly overweight. I no longer feel anything but frumpy. But my beautiful, witty, smiling, moody, wonderfully created son thinks I am the most beautiful, witty, smiling, moody, wonderfully created mommy. Thank you for your thoughts as they have helped me to remember this!
What a wonderful message for all true mums to read! Yes, you story about your aging mum made me choke up…guess who I’m calling tomorrow to ensure we have a lunch date and time together this Saturday? My mum is the most lovely person I know. The grace, poise, and intelligence that she has governed her life with are a true legacy to me. She is now 75 years old and there are days that I find myself teary at the thought that maybe we won’t have too much time together. You have reminded me that indeed, I need my mum…
Just last night I was talking to my husband about the pressure to produce better things. Meals, crafts, cleaning methods, kids, house decor… It just depresses me. It’s like there is no escape with the excess of information available to us. Thanks for the reminder about what matters. And I miss my mom too!!!
Check out coconut oil. There are several studies on it helping with dementia/alzheimers etc. My FIL had alzheimers, but he died before I’d heard about coconut oil, however my husband is keen to give it a try as a preventative measure.
And can I just say that I’m a little jealous of the relationship you have had and still have with your mum? I pretty much lost my mother when I was 23, due to leaving the cult I was brought up in, so I don’t really know what it’s like to have a mum as an adult, and I miss that so much! I miss it for me, and for my kids… sigh. Just another reason to look forward to heaven!
Thank you for this beautiful post 🙂
Lisa, I don’t know how old your son is, but I was horrible to my mother from about age 16 to maybe 25, 26. Slowly the breach healed. Now I’m 41 and we are super-close. It must be so painful to be on that end and I hope my kids don’t pay me back for my meanness in the past, though I probably would deserve that. Anyway don’t lose hope… time heals many things.
Thank you for reminding me of why I really started blogging. And what is really important in my day, and then in what I choose to record in my posts. I’ve written my ‘real today’ post as a really great old cathartic process and am now off to cuddle by baby to sleep. 🙂
Dear Angie… what a wonderful son you have! Walking has helped me with my depression. Perhaps and evening walk with your awesome son each night would help with yours. Bless you dear lady!
Dear Handsfull ~ My husband and I are both taking coconut oil as a preventative. We have family members on both sides who are struggling or who have already passed away with Alzheimer’s.
So glad to read that you were able to get away/get out of the cult you were brought up in – wow! I pray that some day you will have a restored relationship with your mother and that your kids will get to know their grandmother. Bless you, dear lady!
I think you have a beautiful way of sharing what is going on in your life. I am a great-grandmother and I want to say to all of you younger women this: people make $ off of what you read. You are not ineffective in your home if, you are not concocting the latest decorating or baking ideas. Does your husband or kids care if you have fancy spice jars? Flowers, just pick up a bunch next time you are in the grocery store and put them in a vase. No time to bake from scratch? Buy a mix, put it in the oven, put it on a plate. Will the kids ask if you spend 2 hrs baking for them? They will be happy that you did it for them.
It is super easy to get caught up in the latest trends, there is no end to them. There is an end to the time you have with your children and husband. GET CAUGHT UP IN THEM…….IMPLANT MEMORIES!!
Lynnita
This is beautiful, thanks for sharing these thoughts. I also have fond memories of my mother, making our house more homey by the simple smell of tea brewing or playing outside on the fresh cut grass. Thanks for bringing these things back into perspective!
For a second there I thought you had posted your version of singing “baby mine” for our listening pleasure! =)
Thanks so much for sharing this and putting it into perspective! I too have fond memories of my mom making our house more homey simply by the smell of mint tea brewing or playing in the fresh cut yard! Those things, and being there for your children ARE enough!
For a moment there, I thought you were gonna let us listen to your version of “Baby Mine” for our listening pleasure!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about your mom, Brooke. And the last line of your comment made me laugh. I’d considered uploading the audio file, but I felt totally embarrassed. 🙂
How do I keep the right perspective on the importance of family–in the midst of so many ideas and temptations to compare myself to others?
Good question …
… it was pretty much just my daughter and me for most of her life and the day to day was a bloody struggle. But she had no idea. She remembers a house full of friends, a vehicle to throw their gear in and take them on trips with, and good times that didn’t cost a lot. It was a no-frills upbringing that created the fondest of memories.
I have always felt guilty that we never made it to Disneyland. But on reflection, it makes sense to me now that kids don’t really care whether they live in a gated community or drive a Sunfire to school; whether the couch is leather; or their food is no-name.
Unless we teach them that these things matter.
If we do, then we are socializing them toward consumption and adding them to the legion of stressed-out, anxiety-ridden adults trying desperately to fit into the model of consumer perfection.
I know so many parents who want the perfect material life and are breaking their backs to get it. They work work work so hard for the mortgage, the new car payment, the credit line, and a three week vacation that most times doesn’t include their kids!
The kids are in daycare, play care, after school care, and summer camp. They are latched to the TV and video games until their parents get home from work work working to be able to afford all the daycare and play care, and video games, and such.
These modern social practices have had great implications for the family. ‘Things’ have taken over traditional relationships and roles that are so important for healthy and functional members.
We can’t have it all. But if we can learn to see through the material and emotional illusions, we will see what really matters.
I am at the point in my life where I can ‘choose’ to keep things simple. When I look back I can’t believe how the time flew and that it all turned out okay. When I look at my daughter, I see beauty, charm, and grace; a passionate and creative young woman who cares about the world and the people in it.
She didn’t learn this from Cosmo.
Love it, Academentia! Very well said.
I have tears streaming down my cheeks. Thank you so much. Today was the day I needed to read this. I was feeling alone and scared after a difficult morning with my 7 year old daughter and doubting that I was tending to her needs. This was such a good reminder. And I sing baby mine to my children every night too. Thank you so much.
All I can write is “thank you”. This came along for me to read at exaclty the right moment. So really: thank you from the bottom of my heart.
thank you for these words. so much truth that i needed to hear. i bookmarked this to read again when i find myself feeling less than domestic.
I am a Father of 3 girls ages 1 to 6. I spend all my free time with my girls and I work full time and I do most of the cleaning/laundry/etc.
What I have to say some Mothers might not like. GET OFF Facebook, Pinterest, Blogs and message boards. STOP worrying about the house being perfect and GET on the floor and spend time with your kids. Your kids don’t care how the house looks, or if they have every toy or making elaborate crafts.
Enjoy your kids because time goes by so fast and all you are left with is your perfect house wishing for one more day to play with your kids that have grown up.
Thank you, thank you for this soul-touching reminder! I sit here in tears grateful I am not the only who who struggles with perfection. I try every day to ask myself, “Did I enjoy my children today?” but even so we all need all the reminders and support we can get!
This is wonderful April…I have shared it on FB with my young Mum friends…I am an old Mum who would have love to read it years ago!
This is wonderful April…I found this through a young Mum who was encouraged by it, so after reading it, I have shared it on FB for my young Mum friends…I am an old Mum who could have done with reading it years ago! Lol….
Wow, so true… Even for Dads. I have tried to be the best Father I can be. My beautiful Daughter is 24 yrs old and still holds my arm when we go shopping. I have felt many times that I needed to be more… To measure up to…I don’t really know what. But I know that she loves me with all her heart. My Mum is, of course, the best Mum in the world. When I was a teenager I would often go out at night and Mum would say to me, “Please try and be home early tonight darling” and my usual response was “I might not be”. When I did eventually come home, usually between 2am and 5am, the Kitchen light would be on and and guess who would be standing beside a kettle on its way to the boil.. Mum. And over a coffee I would tell her of all my adventures of the night… Yes all. We would laugh and chat for at least half an hour. That time she gave to me was more precious than I can tell. All you Mums out there are the most precious gift to your children so stand up tall!!!!!! Your awesome. I am 1 of 7 children and all of us love our Mum
Proud of you!
This really hit home with me. I have been struggling with the pinterest/ martha Stewart syndrome so much lately. All the fabulous blogs out there dont help much either.
I recently was sick for over 4 months finally led me to discover I have the Epstein Barr virus. It is basically like chronic mono which is triggered by stress. Knowing this now I realize that in order to be able to be up to taking my son to the park or keep up on keeping us fed properly I have to lower the bar on a lot of expectiations I have set for myself. Many of those expectations are unrealistic.
I read this with tears streaming down my face and my heart filled with hope. I do wish you the best with your mother. I imagine it has got to be so painful to have the person there physically but not mentally.
Happy Mothers day.
Thank you .
I love every bit of what you say. So true so true. Thank you for bringing me to reality!
Well, as a grandmother, I say in 20 years, today’s uber-SAHMS are going to look back and ask themselves “Why did THAT matter so much?” Online mothering drives me crazy. So glad there wasn’t any internet when I was raising my daughter back in the 80s. There was enough pressure with neighbors, who needs to have pressure brought on by people who can appear perfect simply by posting pictures online? I say to those mothers…get off the computer and quit talking about being mother. JUST BE ONE!
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What an important message to enlighten and remind everyone of. Thank you April.
Thank you for your post. I was crying the whole read. I have a little baby girl who means the world to my. I like to think that I mean the world to her. It’s just so hard to feel like you’re doing ok as a mom/wife when you compare yourself to the non-existent “super mom” that we’re all made to feel we should be.
This is truly an amazing post. Thank you so much for writing this. It really hit home for me. I think you truly touched a topic that hits very close to home for a lot of mothers. We just don’t know exactly how to put it into words how these sites make us feel we are lacking.
How true! Thanks for the reminder! I needed that!
I am not even a mom, but this post is very encouraging. Even in highschool I go through these kinds of pressures, but it good to remember that my friends (my real friends) want to know ME and not someone I try to be. I may not have the perfect clothes, I may not have my drivers license, I might not be the skinniest, I might not be the prettiest, but no matter what I own or what I look like, my friends, my family, and God all want me to be who I really am. Thank you April!
Sarah, thanks so much for your comment. I love it that you have such a healthy perspective as a high school student. Keep it up! 🙂
Hi April. You probably don’t remember me, but we were at BYU together and worked with the RHSAA or whatever it was called. 🙂 I have fond memories of that time. Just wanted to thank you for this article. I am not yet a mother (or a wife 🙂 but I came across this posted on a lot of my friends’ facebook pages. I read it and immediately passed it along to my sisters (both married with adorable little ones). It resonated with them. Thank you for your work to be a remarkable mother to your own children, and your work to be a support and example to so many others. It makes a difference.
I absolutely remember you, Liz! I was always so impressed with how much you could handle. Freshman year was so overwhelming for me. 🙂 Thank you for your kind words, and it’s so great to hear from you. (I’ll send you a friend request on Facebook!)
I will print this article and attach it in front of me! It’s so very true! It’s annoying how many times I surf in the net and read blogs and everyone else apart me has a wonderful life, full of perfect food in perfect houses! That’s not real life! Important things are not those shown in Pinterest! Glad you remember us such a thing!
I don’t normally reply to blogs. But I just wanted to say how much your article meant to me. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I actually did print out your article [like the person above did) and taped it in my journal, and posted it on my blog, as a reminder to me to think of the most important things (which are actually people) in my life. Thanks.
Thanks for the kind words, Jillian! I’m glad to know that this was helpful to you, and I wish you the very best with your family!
Wow! I love this! I was crying, then laughing when I got to the soap flowers. Lol. Thanks for the reminder in todays “perfection is expected” world that all our kids really want is our time, love & attention!! I mostly stay off of Pinterest because of the guilt trips lol. A friend reminded me of this article. Thanks again! Heather
I am a mother of 5 and often feel like this!! Thanks for your words of encouragement and reminder to enjoy the simple blessings (my husband and kids)I have in my life:)
I’m 28, and my mom passed away this year. I had a 4 month old and a 17 month old. She did the very best she could do in every aspect (far from the most popular pins on pinterest, but I loved them just the same.)
I wish she knew how much I still need her. I even wrote that at her memorial service…….”Please keep your spirit close to ours. We still need you so much.”
I’m a blogger at http://www.smartschoolhouse.com and I LOVED reading your story. Thank you, tremendously, for putting things back into perspective. I genuinely mean that!
This is exactly what I needed to hear and I am sure that my son appriciates it! THank you!!
I know you are getting a lot of feedback on this, but I just want to say thank you for this amazing post. It has encouraged me so much and freed me from some things I didn’t even realize I was chained up by. What incredible truth to remember. Thank you so much for sharing!!
Thank you so much for this post. My son is two and last week he ran up behind me while I was doing the dishes,hugged me and said Mommy you’re cushy (while his head rested on my bum). I had a laugh at my expense and my size 12 bum. But you just translated that moment for me. Thanks for reminding me that he would rather have a ‘cushy’ place to land than anything else!
Something also to remember: while we’re busy looking around on Pinterest (etc.) and various housekeeping magazines we are WASTING time that could be spent actually DOING something creative and fun with our children that will build memories. I do not have children of my own yet, but I remember all the times my mom and I made simple cookies together, or I found a recipe in my American Girl magazine and we tried it together, or when we made educational crafts. Those are the things I remember.
For a fun snack to make with the kids: Crush up some potato chips so that you have 2 cups of potato chip crumbs, chop up a half cup (or more) of pecans, then melt 9 ounces of white chocolate and mix it all together. Drop by spoonfuls onto wax paper, or make funny shapes. It’s great fun and the kids can enjoy smashing up the potato chips! Makes an easy seasonal treat the kids can look forward to. 🙂
This is absolutely perfect! I’m a first time mom and have a 4 month old. I’m working full time and feeling really down that I’m not with my son nearly as much as I would like to be. This reminds me to just focus on him and not all the other “stuff.” Thank you for this! It’s so touching!
April, thank you so much for writing such a compelling and heart felt piece. Everyday we feel that we have to measure up to this unknown perfect parent out-there, that probably doesn’t even exist. Great stuff!
thank you thank you thank you thank you.
hopefully i remember it tomorrow when i start over.
Thank you so much! I know this post wasn’t written today, but it popped up today, just when I needed it so much. Just this morning, while I was getting ready for the day I had on my “Morning Music” — a playlist of favorite songs from the past few years. But instead of having the happy memories and good thoughts that usually come with each piece, all I could think about was what I did wrong as a mom and a woman during those times. It was like a blackness…I felt awful!!! I felt like a failure as a mom and as a person.
And then I read this. Thank you. And thank you again. I so needed this today. More than you know.
Thank you Lindsay! We ALL go through those dark times. But aren’t you glad we’re all here to remind each other what’s most important? Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, and one of my “low” moments will flash through my mind. I find myself cringing and wishing I’d done things differently, but slowly I’m learning to let those things go and focus on what I AM doing well. Our families love and need us. Such a blessing! xoxo
thank you. I needed to hear that.
I lost my Mama to Alzheimer’s when she was 66. I miss her every day. Enjoy the time you have left with your mom. I’m 52 and disabled. I regret not being able to go the things with my daughters that my Mama did with me when I was their ages (17, 22 and 24). However, the connection on Pinterest is a bit of an encouragement to me. I try to keep it in perspective as to what I can do and what has to be left for others. The one thing I do try my best to remember is my girls don’t expect me to be perfect. And if I forget, my youngest is sure to remind me!
When you sit right down and think about it , you know its true. But where do we find time to do that and feel good about being ourselves.Instead we think we are getting a break by going to the social networking sites, only to find ourselves falling short afterwards. Most times I feel so hypocritical after I tell my girls to be comfortable with who they are as they are precious just as they are, but beat myself down with the messages /posts I see on social networking sites and chastisising over the flagging tummy and thunder thighs , impeccable homes and expensive vacations. This article was such a beautiful read. Yes I choose from now to be a delibrate mom, because like you I too am blessed with girls who really see that their mom is trying !HAts off to you for penning down the perspective all we “trying moms” fail to see!
From a not-so-girly, not-so-crafty, not-so-perfect mom:
Thank You! I was moved to tears. Jill
April I was reading this and got to the picture and realized what I had clicked on is YOU! (from Pinterest of course) 🙂 Thank you so much, we all have those days where we feel we are not enough (especially after Pinterest!) This just made me cry. Thanks for the inspiration 🙂
Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.
I’m convicted and freed.
Thank you.
Just finding you all and this message hit me so hard and so right. Thank you. I am always talking myself up and reminding myself of what I did and not what I didn’t do. Trying to always find what is working in our family and focusing on that can be hard but messages like this one remind me that I’m not alone. (I am terrified of Pinterest and currently have NO living plants in our house.)
I didn’t really have a mother growing up so figuring out how to mother two daughters has been a blessing and a dream come true. Thank you again. I look forward to getting to know the Power of Moms.
Wonderful post! By realizing we are each unique mothers, it helps us take a step back and see what we may have not realized we were doing to ourselves. We are all special and everyone has their faults. So, be happy with who you are or change what you don’t like about yourself. Thanks for sharing. This was very inspiring.
I love your courage for writing this. I am so sad for the loss of your mom, not as in her passing, but as in the loss of whom she used to be. Your sadness comes through vividly. Though what comes through more is how much you love your daughters.
I just joined Power of Mom’s tonight, and reading your post makes me so glad I did. I think all the time about what I’m not – not patient enough, not energetic enough, not inspiring enough, not culinary enough, not green thumb enough. …Seriously, we got some beans in dirt cups at a farmer’s market booth recently, and all that had to be done was water them. Just as they began to sprout, I mistakenly let my kids over water them, and they turned to mush and died. The kids had been so excited about them, and I felt horrible – grossly inadequate is more like it! I began obsessing about where I could get replacement beans, which I did (at Walmart which hate shopping at due to their labor practices). Now every day I move the new beans (which have begun to sprout) to the sunny spots in the house throughout the day chanting, “I will not kill these plants.” Today my husband said, “Lisa, it’s just beans. You know it’s not a big deal, right?” He didn’t understand that I don’t want to be the killer of my kids plants (like I was killing one of their dreams). I know that’s ridiculous, but that’s how it felt to me. So your post about focusing on what I am instead of what I’m not was very meaningful to read. I’m a mom who keeps trying. 🙂
When I read, “But I have a mom who is trying.” I gasped OUT LOUD with my hand over my heart and started crying. What a beautiful post and what a wonderful job you are CLEARLY doing to raise a daughter who would respond like that. Bravo. And thank you.
Right on April. What a beautiful message. Choosing to re-create something from pinterest can be awesome, but when we don’t get to it or aren’t able to do it then what do we make it mean? It’s a problem when we have unrealistic expectations and lose sight of the difference between a fun hobby and something truly important. Thanks for the reminder!
Jody Moore
http://www.boldnewmom.com
Every time I hear you talk about your mother, (I am better at listening to podcast then actually getting on the computer and reading articles) I tear up. I love,envy, admire, and everything else in between, the love that you have for your mother. I had a mother like yours- she loved kids so much she had 6. Unfortunately, when I was 4 I lost her to a terrible disease. Now that I am a mother, I want so badly to be the mother that she was, to have the love for motherhood that she had. Your website has helped me come a little closer to achieving that goal. Thank you for that.
Lauren, thank you so much for sharing your heart here. My grandmother also lost her mother when she was just four. I can’t even imagine what that must have been like for you… So happy that you have found Power of Moms. Please let us know if there’s something specific we can do to better care for you. It makes our work worthwhile when we know there are REAL people on the other side of this computer screen. I can tell you love your family, and I feel so privileged to get to be a part of your life! xo – April
I am 59 year old daughter to an 82 year old Mom, mother to two daughters and one step-daughter and grandmother to a 15 month old boy. This speaks so well to everything I learned form my own mother during the sixties as she sang while doing the dishes and took us on mystery rides to Brigham’s for ice cream. I tried to be fun for my girls, an educator and model of a working mom when they were young. my Mom always said to take time with the kids, the dust and work will wait for you, the kids will grow up with or without you. Now II watch my daughter struggle with a career and raising her son and I try to be there for her still, whenever she needs me because I know how hard it can be to be a good Mom. It also doesn’t hurt to have good husbands and fathers there to help raise the kids too. We did.
Amazing blog! Do you have any tips and hints for aspiring writers? I’m hoping to start my own site soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you recommend starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I’m totally confused .. Any tips? Thanks a lot!|
I’ve been listening to podcasts and am taking another shot at MOM (some stuck last time, some more will stick this time – it’s a process and I LOVE tacking on more and more useful habits – but that’s another topic!) I decided I have so much computer work to do today that I can listen on my computer instead of my phone, but when I got to the webpage I knew I had to check this out because I’ve been wanting to buy your book (waiting for the print copy, thanks so much for taking the effort to make it available!!). It’s just what I need, and I’m printing it to keep it by my bed, even tho I just cleaned my nightstand!!, so I can read it each morning to remind myself what my goal each day should be. Thank you so very much for all you do. Big bear hugs from Atlanta 🙂
What a blessing to read your comment! Thank you so much, and I am so excited for you! You clearly care deeply about your family, and I am so proud of you. Working on the hard-copy book…probably this summer! xoxo
Brought tears to my eyes, April. Thank you for this. It’s something all us mamas need to hear often.
I loved your comments! I have raised seven beautiful children and their memories are all about time together. Nothing fancy. I know because I recently asked them what they remembered the most. Parenting is about building real relationships with our children during the everyday moments of life, what we already do every day. Way to go April!
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Estamos falando de uma plataforma profissional de apostas no Brasil, utilizada diariamente por milhoes de jogadores experientes para fazer previsoes sobre eventos esportivos e maximizar seus lucros todos os dias!
Nesta analise, voce recebera informacoes exclusivas e completas sobre o melhor site de apostas do Brasil, que as pessoas usam para ganhar todos os dias! Depois de ler nossa avaliacao, voce tambem sera capaz de fazer suas apostas esportivas de forma mais lucrativa e eficaz, nao importa o dia da semana ou a epoca do ano!
Queremos economizar seu tempo precioso, por isso vamos direto ao ponto e apresentar a analise detalhada dessa plataforma! Mas antes de comecarmos, vamos focar em uma coisa importante.
Muitos jogadores fazem as mesmas perguntas com frequencia:
“Onde eu encontro o melhor site para ganhar muito mais?”
“Onde eu encontro as melhores estrategias para vencer?” e ” Como faco para ganhar dinheiro no cassino?”
Por isso, nesta analise, vamos responder a essas perguntas e mostrar a voce a plataforma mais eficaz e melhor para apostas esportivas!
Se voce quer ganhar nas apostas em 2025 e, claro, na proxima temporada de futebol, voce tem uma oportunidade unica de ler nossa valiosa analise e obter as informacoes que voce precisa. Tenha certeza de que as melhores previsoes, as melhores apostas e os melhores jogos de cassino que voce vai encontrar nesta plataforma vao te ajudar a comecar a ganhar dinheiro todos os dias.
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O que e SuperBet?
A SuperBet e a casa de apostas oficial brasileira que criou um aplicativo movel exclusivo para apostas esportivas e jogos de cassino. A singularidade deste aplicativo esta na sua simplicidade, conveniencia, rapidez e acessibilidade. No aplicativo SuperBet voce encontrara muitos recursos interessantes, uma grande selecao de jogos e apostas esportivas.
SuperBet e seguro
A SuperBet e totalmente autorizada e regulamentada para operar dentro do arcabouco legal do Brasil. Ela opera sob a gestao da SPRBT INTERACTIVE BRASIL LTDA, que e registrada e licenciada para garantir servicos seguros e confiaveis.
Conformidade e Autorizacao no Brasil
Administracao: SPRBT INTERACTIVE BRASIL LTDA, sediada na Alameda Rio Claro, Sao Paulo/SP.
Autorizacao: As operacoes da SuperBet sao oficialmente autorizadas pela Secretaria de Premios e Apostas pela Resolucao SPA/MF n.? 2090/2024.
Compromisso com a confiabilidade
A SuperBet adere a padroes regulatorios rigorosos, garantindo:
Transparencia: Total conformidade legal e operacional.
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Transparencia: Total conformidade legal e operacional. Seguranca: Adesao aos requisitos legais do Brasil para operacoes seguras. Confiabilidade: Uma estrutura solida apoiada por autorizacoes e licencas oficiais.
Por que escolher a SuperBet?
Se voce esta procurando uma plataforma confiavel, rapida e segura para apostar em esportes e jogar jogos de cassino, a SuperBet e a escolha perfeita. Aqui esta o porque:
Bonus de ate R$ 500: Ganhe uma aposta gratis ao se inscrever.
Velocidade e estabilidade: A SuperBet e altamente produtiva gracas as tecnologias mais recentes e avancadas. Quer voce esteja apostando em esportes, assistindo a transmissoes ao vivo ou jogando cassino ao vivo, a plataforma oferece tempos de carregamento rapidos.
Seguranca garantida: O aplicativo e o site usam criptografia AES de 256 bits e criptografia RSA para garantir sua privacidade e seguranca. Com a SuperBet, seus dados pessoais e transacoes financeiras estao sempre protegidos.
Facilidade de uso: Navegar na plataforma SuperBet e muito facil. O aplicativo e o site tem um design intuitivo e muitos recursos convenientes. Transmissao de esportes ao vivo e cassino ao vivo em qualidade HD.
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O aplicativo BetBoom e uma plataforma confiavel para apostas esportivas online e jogos de cassino no Brasil. Conhecido por suas opcoes de apostas profissionais e interface intuitiva, o BetBoom ajuda os usuarios a maximizar suas apostas com previsoes confiaveis e oportunidades lucrativas. Os jogadores podem iniciar sua experiencia com um bonus de R$500, tornando-o uma excelente escolha para apostadores em busca de sucesso em 2025. O app combina navegacao organizada com recursos personalizados para garantir uma experiencia eficiente e facil de usar para todos.
Cadastre-se no BetBoom: 3 passos faceis para comecar a apostar e jogar no cassino!
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Digite o seu numero de CPF
Escolha a sua data de nascimento (DD.MM.AAAA)
Indique o genero (Sr./Sra.)
Digite o seu CEP
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Se voce tem um codigo promocional, insira o nome dele no campo especial.
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Passo #2: Informacoes de contato
Digite seu nome e sobrenome
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Digite o codigo enviado por SMS
Digite seu e-mail e clique em “confirmar” (Voce recebera um codigo de confirmacao no e-mail informado)
Digite o codigo enviado para o seu e-mail
Crie uma senha (min. 8 caracteres)
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Betao: A Melhor Plataforma de Apostas e Cassino Online no Brasil
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O aplicativo movel Betao e apresentado como a melhor plataforma de apostas esportivas e cassino online no Brasil, conhecido por oferecer opcoes de apostas profissionais, jogos de cassino de alta qualidade e ofertas de bonus atrativas. A plataforma e muito popular entre os jogadores brasileiros, oferecendo estrategias eficazes para maximizar lucros e ajudando os usuarios a aproveitarem ao maximo suas apostas. O Betao e a melhor escolha para os jogadores que desejam ter sucesso em 2025, especialmente para aqueles que buscam previsoes confiaveis, oportunidades de apostas lucrativas e um aplicativo movel facil de usar.
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O Aplicativo de Apostas Esportivas Betao foi projetado para oferecer uma experiencia de usuario elegante, moderna e intuitiva, facilitando a navegacao pelos diversos esportes e jogos de cassino. Combinando visuais dinamicos, tipografia limpa e modo escuro, o app apresenta um visual polido e envolvente, alem de opcoes de personalizacao para atender as preferencias individuais.
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O Betao se destaca por sua navegacao intuitiva, garantindo que os usuarios encontrem rapidamente o que procuram. As categorias de esportes do app sao organizadas por esportes gerais, eventos em alta e principais ligas, com filtros praticos como Mais Populares, Apostas Ao Vivo e Proximos Eventos. Esses recursos permitem que os usuarios entrem diretamente na acao. A separacao entre apostas esportivas e jogos de cassino e clara, com filtros para ambas as categorias, garantindo uma experiencia organizada e fluida.
Para quem prefere velocidade e eficiencia, as opcoes avancadas de busca e classificacao do aplicativo permitem que os usuarios encontrem seus times, esportes e eventos favoritos com apenas alguns toques.
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O Aplicativo de Apostas Esportivas Betao oferece um desempenho excepcional em diferentes dispositivos. Usuarios de iOS geralmente experimentam velocidades mais rapidas e mais estabilidade devido a integracao otimizada de hardware e software, incluindo recursos integrados como Apple Pay e Face ID. No Android, o desempenho do app pode variar dependendo das especificacoes do dispositivo, mas o design responsivo garante que ele se adapte suavemente tanto para as orientacoes retrato quanto paisagem em celulares e tablets.
Seja no celular ou no tablet, o app ajusta automaticamente seus elementos de interface para garantir uma experiencia consistente e fluida, independentemente do dispositivo.
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O Betao oferece um alto grau de personalizacao, garantindo que os usuarios possam ajustar o app conforme suas preferencias. Temas como modo claro e escuro estao disponiveis, permitindo que os usuarios troquem conforme seu conforto ou preferencias esteticas. Alem disso, os apostadores podem personalizar suas opcoes de apostas, incluindo formatos de odds preferidos e tipos de apostas, tornando o app ainda mais adequado aos estilos individuais de apostas.
Para uma experiencia ainda mais personalizada, o app permite que os usuarios salvem seus esportes, times e eventos favoritos. Esse recurso facilita o acesso rapido as opcoes de apostas preferidas e eventos ao vivo, com o minimo de navegacao possivel.
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Crypto, a roughly 15-year-old industry that’s largely operated on the fringes of finance, is at a crossroads. For years, it has blamed a hostile regulatory environment for not allowing it to unleash its supposedly revolutionary technology on Americans. Now, though, their favorite bogeyman, Gary Gensler, the Securities and Exchange Commission chief under President Joe Biden, is gone. Crypto cheerleaders have been installed throughout the government.
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Given the enormous potential for the $3 trillion industry in this moment, I checked in with Eswar Prasad, a Cornell University professor of international trade and the author of the 2021 book “The Future of Money,” about the forces disrupting financial technologies.
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Создание фальшивых аккаунтов: Люди или боты создают множество аккаунтов на платформах отзывов и оставляют положительные комментарии.
Купленные отзывы: Оплата реальным пользователям за публикацию положительных отзывов.
Манипуляция реальными отзывами: Например, удаление отрицательных отзывов или искусственное выделение положительных.
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Обман потребителей: Накрутка отзывов вводит потребителей в заблуждение, заставляя их полагаться на недостоверную информацию при принятии решений о покупке.
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Урон репутации: Когда накрутка становится явной, это может нанести серьёзный урон репутации компании. Потребители начинают воспринимать компанию как нечестную, что значительно снижает уровень доверия и лояльности.
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Наряду с этическими, накрутка отзывов также имеет правовые последствия. Во многих странах она рассматривается как форма мошенничества, и компании, уличенные в этой практике, могут столкнуться с штрафами и даже судебными исками. Законы, регулирующие коммерческую практику, становятся всё более строгими. Платформы отзывов также активно борются с накруткой, применяя алгоритмы, способные выявлять и блокировать фальшивые отзывы, улучшая таким образом доверие к своему контенту.
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Честная стратегия: Компаниям следует фокусироваться на улучшении качества своих продуктов и обслуживания клиентов. Это лучший способ заслужить искренние положительные отзывы.
Клиентская поддержка: Активная работа с реальными отзывами, даже отрицательными, способствует улучшению репутации. Ответы на замечания и жалобы демонстрируют заботу о клиентах и желание улучшаться.
Прозрачность: Создание доверительных отношений с клиентами через прозрачные практики ведения бизнеса способствует повышению лояльности и укреплению репутации без необходимости в накрутке.
В заключение, накрутка отзывов, хотя и может показаться эффективным способом быстрого повышения рейтинга, является неустойчивой и потенциально разрушительной практикой. Долгосрочный успех компании строится на честности, качестве и уважении к потребителям.
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Beverly rushed to meet her friend, still feeling flustered. Over dinner in the hotel restaurant, Beverly confided in her friend about the “thunderbolt” moment.
“I told my girlfriend, ‘Something just happened to me. I stared at this man, and I couldn’t help myself.’”
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Xavier completes thrilling comeback, Mount St. Mary’s advances as men’s First Four comes to a close
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Wednesday saw the men’s First Four come to a close which means only one thing: the 64-team bracket is officially set following No. 11 Xavier’s thrilling come from behind win over No. 11 Texas and No. 16 Mount St. Mary’s victory over No. 16 American in Dayton, Ohio.
The Musketeers trailed by as many as 13 points, but their offense came alive in the second half behind guard Marcus Foster and forward Zach Freemantle to down the Longhorns 86-80.
The senior Foster scored a team-high 22 points while Freemantle, on his way to 15 points, threw down a dunk with a second left to seal the comeback win and ignite the fans at UD Arena, which is just over 50 miles away from campus in Cincinnati, Ohio.
With just under four minutes remaining, Xavier went on an 8-2 run to take a 78-74 lead, their first since the early going of the first half.
Musketeers head coach Sean Miller crowned Wednesday’s game as “one of the best” he’s been a part of.
“I thought we were dead in the water two different times,” Miller told the truTV broadcast after the game. “But that’s the one thing about our team — the resiliency of our group has always won out for us. Just when you thought we weren’t gonna make the tournament, we kept winning. Even in this game, just when you’re like, ‘It’s not gonna work out,’ we have a funny way of staying with it.”
The Longhorns did not go down without a fight as guard Tre Johnson scored a game-high 23 points in the loss.
Xavier will face No. 6 Illinois in the first round on Friday at the Fiserv Forum in Milwaukee.
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Announced in 2016, Gym is an open-source Python library designed to assist in the development of support knowing algorithms. It aimed to standardize how environments are specified in AI research, making published research study more easily reproducible [24] [144] while offering users with a simple user interface for connecting with these environments. In 2022, new advancements of Gym have actually been moved to the library Gymnasium. [145] [146]
Gym Retro
Released in 2018, Gym Retro is a platform for support knowing (RL) research on computer game [147] utilizing RL algorithms and study generalization. Prior RL research focused mainly on enhancing representatives to solve single tasks. Gym Retro provides the ability to generalize in between games with comparable principles but different appearances.
RoboSumo
Released in 2017, RoboSumo is a virtual world where humanoid metalearning robot agents at first do not have understanding of how to even walk, but are given the objectives of learning to move and to push the opposing representative out of the ring. [148] Through this adversarial knowing process, the representatives find out how to adjust to altering conditions. When an agent is then eliminated from this virtual environment and positioned in a brand-new virtual environment with high winds, the representative braces to remain upright, suggesting it had actually learned how to balance in a generalized method. [148] [149] OpenAI’s Igor Mordatch argued that competition between agents could create an intelligence “arms race” that could increase a representative’s capability to operate even outside the context of the competition. [148]
OpenAI 5
OpenAI Five is a group of five OpenAI-curated bots utilized in the competitive five-on-five video game Dota 2, that discover to play against human players at a high skill level totally through trial-and-error algorithms. Before becoming a team of 5, the first public presentation happened at The International 2017, the annual premiere champion competition for the game, where Dendi, an expert Ukrainian gamer, lost against a bot in a live one-on-one matchup. [150] [151] After the match, CTO Greg Brockman explained that the bot had found out by playing against itself for two weeks of actual time, which the learning software application was a step in the direction of creating software that can manage intricate tasks like a surgeon. [152] [153] The system uses a type of support learning, as the bots learn gradually by playing against themselves numerous times a day for months, and are rewarded for actions such as eliminating an opponent and taking map goals. [154] [155] [156]
By June 2018, the capability of the bots expanded to play together as a complete team of 5, and they had the ability to beat teams of amateur and semi-professional gamers. [157] [154] [158] [159] At The International 2018, OpenAI Five played in two exhibition matches against expert gamers, but ended up losing both video games. [160] [161] [162] In April 2019, OpenAI Five defeated OG, the reigning world champs of the game at the time, 2:0 in a live exhibit match in San Francisco. [163] [164] The bots’ final public look came later that month, where they played in 42,729 total games in a four-day open online competition, winning 99.4% of those video games. [165]
OpenAI 5’s systems in Dota 2’s bot player shows the difficulties of AI systems in multiplayer online fight arena (MOBA) video games and how OpenAI Five has actually demonstrated using deep support knowing (DRL) representatives to attain superhuman proficiency in Dota 2 matches. [166]
Dactyl
Developed in 2018, Dactyl uses maker finding out to train a Shadow Hand, a human-like robot hand, to manipulate physical things. [167] It finds out entirely in simulation using the very same RL algorithms and training code as OpenAI Five. OpenAI took on the item orientation issue by using domain randomization, a simulation technique which exposes the student to a variety of experiences rather than attempting to fit to reality. The set-up for Dactyl, aside from having motion tracking electronic cameras, likewise has RGB cams to enable the robot to control an arbitrary things by seeing it. In 2018, OpenAI showed that the system had the ability to manipulate a cube and an octagonal prism. [168]
In 2019, OpenAI showed that Dactyl might fix a Rubik’s Cube. The robotic was able to fix the puzzle 60% of the time. Objects like the Rubik’s Cube present intricate physics that is harder to design. OpenAI did this by enhancing the effectiveness of Dactyl to perturbations by utilizing Automatic Domain Randomization (ADR), a simulation technique of creating gradually more challenging environments. ADR varies from manual domain randomization by not requiring a human to define randomization ranges. [169]
API
In June 2020, OpenAI revealed a multi-purpose API which it said was “for accessing new AI designs established by OpenAI” to let developers contact it for “any English language AI task”. [170] [171]
Text generation
The company has popularized generative pretrained transformers (GPT). [172]
OpenAI’s original GPT model (“GPT-1”)
The initial paper on generative pre-training of a transformer-based language model was written by Alec Radford and his coworkers, and published in preprint on OpenAI’s site on June 11, 2018. [173] It showed how a generative model of language could obtain world understanding and procedure long-range dependencies by pre-training on a varied corpus with long stretches of adjoining text.
GPT-2
Generative Pre-trained Transformer 2 (“GPT-2”) is a without supervision transformer language design and the successor to OpenAI’s initial GPT model (“GPT-1”). GPT-2 was announced in February 2019, with only minimal demonstrative versions at first launched to the public. The full version of GPT-2 was not right away launched due to concern about possible abuse, consisting of applications for writing fake news. [174] Some specialists revealed uncertainty that GPT-2 presented a substantial threat.
In action to GPT-2, the Allen Institute for Artificial Intelligence reacted with a tool to find “neural phony news”. [175] Other researchers, such as Jeremy Howard, cautioned of “the technology to totally fill Twitter, email, and the web up with reasonable-sounding, context-appropriate prose, which would muffle all other speech and be impossible to filter”. [176] In November 2019, OpenAI launched the complete variation of the GPT-2 language design. [177] Several sites host interactive demonstrations of different circumstances of GPT-2 and other transformer designs. [178] [179] [180]
GPT-2’s authors argue unsupervised language designs to be general-purpose learners, highlighted by GPT-2 attaining advanced precision and perplexity on 7 of 8 zero-shot tasks (i.e. the design was not more trained on any task-specific input-output examples).
The corpus it was trained on, called WebText, contains a little 40 gigabytes of text from URLs shared in Reddit submissions with a minimum of 3 upvotes. It avoids certain concerns encoding vocabulary with word tokens by utilizing byte pair encoding. This allows representing any string of characters by encoding both specific characters and multiple-character tokens. [181]
GPT-3
First explained in May 2020, Generative Pre-trained [a] Transformer 3 (GPT-3) is an unsupervised transformer language model and the successor to GPT-2. [182] [183] [184] OpenAI specified that the complete version of GPT-3 contained 175 billion parameters, [184] two orders of magnitude bigger than the 1.5 billion [185] in the complete version of GPT-2 (although GPT-3 designs with as couple of as 125 million specifications were also trained). [186]
OpenAI mentioned that GPT-3 was successful at certain “meta-learning” jobs and might generalize the purpose of a single input-output pair. The GPT-3 release paper provided examples of translation and cross-linguistic transfer knowing in between English and Romanian, and between English and German. [184]
GPT-3 dramatically improved benchmark outcomes over GPT-2. OpenAI cautioned that such scaling-up of language models could be approaching or experiencing the basic ability constraints of predictive language designs. [187] Pre-training GPT-3 needed several thousand petaflop/s-days [b] of compute, compared to 10s of petaflop/s-days for the full GPT-2 model. [184] Like its predecessor, [174] the GPT-3 trained model was not right away released to the general public for issues of possible abuse, although OpenAI planned to enable gain access to through a paid cloud API after a two-month complimentary personal beta that started in June 2020. [170] [189]
On September 23, 2020, GPT-3 was certified exclusively to Microsoft. [190] [191]
Codex
Announced in mid-2021, Codex is a descendant of GPT-3 that has furthermore been trained on code from 54 million GitHub repositories, [192] [193] and is the AI powering the code autocompletion tool GitHub Copilot. [193] In August 2021, an API was launched in personal beta. [194] According to OpenAI, the design can produce working code in over a dozen shows languages, the majority of efficiently in Python. [192]
Several issues with glitches, style defects and security vulnerabilities were cited. [195] [196]
GitHub Copilot has actually been implicated of discharging copyrighted code, without any author attribution or license. [197]
OpenAI announced that they would cease assistance for Codex API on March 23, 2023. [198]
GPT-4
On March 14, 2023, OpenAI revealed the release of Generative Pre-trained Transformer 4 (GPT-4), efficient in accepting text or image inputs. [199] They announced that the updated technology passed a simulated law school bar exam with a score around the top 10% of test takers. (By contrast, GPT-3.5 scored around the bottom 10%.) They said that GPT-4 might also read, evaluate or generate as much as 25,000 words of text, and compose code in all significant programming languages. [200]
Observers reported that the model of ChatGPT utilizing GPT-4 was an enhancement on the previous GPT-3.5-based version, with the caveat that GPT-4 retained a few of the problems with earlier revisions. [201] GPT-4 is also efficient in taking images as input on ChatGPT. [202] OpenAI has actually decreased to expose various technical details and stats about GPT-4, such as the precise size of the design. [203]
GPT-4o
On May 13, 2024, OpenAI revealed and launched GPT-4o, which can process and produce text, images and audio. [204] GPT-4o attained advanced lead to voice, multilingual, and vision standards, setting brand-new records in audio speech recognition and translation. [205] [206] It scored 88.7% on the Massive Multitask Language Understanding (MMLU) criteria compared to 86.5% by GPT-4. [207]
On July 18, 2024, OpenAI launched GPT-4o mini, a smaller sized version of GPT-4o replacing GPT-3.5 Turbo on the ChatGPT interface. Its API costs $0.15 per million input tokens and $0.60 per million output tokens, compared to $5 and $15 respectively for GPT-4o. OpenAI anticipates it to be particularly useful for business, startups and designers looking for to automate services with AI representatives. [208]
o1
On September 12, 2024, OpenAI launched the o1-preview and o1-mini designs, which have actually been designed to take more time to consider their responses, leading to higher accuracy. These designs are particularly effective in science, coding, and reasoning tasks, and were made available to ChatGPT Plus and Team members. [209] [210] In December 2024, o1-preview was changed by o1. [211]
o3
On December 20, 2024, OpenAI unveiled o3, the successor of the o1 reasoning design. OpenAI also revealed o3-mini, a lighter and faster variation of OpenAI o3. As of December 21, 2024, this design is not available for public use. According to OpenAI, they are checking o3 and o3-mini. [212] [213] Until January 10, 2025, safety and security researchers had the chance to obtain early access to these designs. [214] The model is called o3 rather than o2 to prevent confusion with telecommunications companies O2. [215]
Deep research study
Deep research study is a representative established by OpenAI, unveiled on February 2, 2025. It leverages the capabilities of OpenAI’s o3 model to perform substantial web browsing, data analysis, and synthesis, providing detailed reports within a timeframe of 5 to 30 minutes. [216] With browsing and Python tools allowed, it reached a precision of 26.6 percent on HLE (Humanity’s Last Exam) criteria. [120]
Image classification
CLIP
Revealed in 2021, CLIP (Contrastive Language-Image Pre-training) is a design that is trained to examine the semantic resemblance in between text and images. It can significantly be utilized for image classification. [217]
Text-to-image
DALL-E
Revealed in 2021, DALL-E is a Transformer design that creates images from textual descriptions. [218] DALL-E uses a 12-billion-parameter version of GPT-3 to analyze natural language inputs (such as “a green leather purse formed like a pentagon” or “an isometric view of a sad capybara”) and generate corresponding images. It can develop pictures of sensible objects (“a stained-glass window with an image of a blue strawberry”) in addition to items that do not exist in reality (“a cube with the texture of a porcupine”). Since March 2021, no API or code is available.
DALL-E 2
In April 2022, OpenAI revealed DALL-E 2, an updated variation of the design with more reasonable results. [219] In December 2022, OpenAI published on GitHub software application for Point-E, a new primary system for converting a text description into a 3-dimensional design. [220]
DALL-E 3
In September 2023, OpenAI revealed DALL-E 3, a more effective model better able to create images from intricate descriptions without manual prompt engineering and render complicated details like hands and text. [221] It was launched to the general public as a ChatGPT Plus function in October. [222]
Text-to-video
Sora
Sora is a text-to-video model that can generate videos based upon short detailed triggers [223] as well as extend existing videos forwards or backwards in time. [224] It can produce videos with resolution up to 1920×1080 or 1080×1920. The optimum length of generated videos is unidentified.
Sora’s advancement team called it after the Japanese word for “sky”, to signify its “limitless imaginative capacity”. [223] Sora’s technology is an adjustment of the technology behind the DALL · E 3 text-to-image model. [225] OpenAI trained the system using publicly-available videos along with copyrighted videos certified for that function, however did not expose the number or the specific sources of the videos. [223]
OpenAI demonstrated some Sora-created high-definition videos to the public on February 15, 2024, specifying that it could produce videos approximately one minute long. It also shared a technical report highlighting the techniques utilized to train the design, and the design’s capabilities. [225] It acknowledged some of its drawbacks, consisting of battles imitating intricate physics. [226] Will Douglas Heaven of the MIT Technology Review called the presentation videos “impressive”, but noted that they should have been cherry-picked and might not represent Sora’s normal output. [225]
Despite uncertainty from some scholastic leaders following Sora’s public demonstration, significant entertainment-industry figures have shown significant interest in the innovation’s potential. In an interview, actor/filmmaker Tyler Perry expressed his astonishment at the innovation’s ability to produce realistic video from text descriptions, citing its prospective to revolutionize storytelling and content production. He said that his enjoyment about Sora’s possibilities was so strong that he had actually chosen to pause prepare for broadening his Atlanta-based movie studio. [227]
Speech-to-text
Whisper
Released in 2022, Whisper is a general-purpose speech acknowledgment model. [228] It is trained on a big dataset of varied audio and is also a multi-task model that can perform multilingual speech recognition along with speech translation and language recognition. [229]
Music generation
MuseNet
Released in 2019, MuseNet is a deep neural net trained to anticipate subsequent musical notes in MIDI music files. It can generate songs with 10 instruments in 15 designs. According to The Verge, a tune generated by MuseNet tends to begin fairly however then fall into turmoil the longer it plays. [230] [231] In popular culture, initial applications of this tool were used as early as 2020 for the internet mental thriller Ben Drowned to create music for the titular character. [232] [233]
Jukebox
Released in 2020, Jukebox is an open-sourced algorithm to produce music with vocals. After training on 1.2 million samples, the system accepts a genre, artist, and a bit of lyrics and outputs tune samples. OpenAI stated the songs “show local musical coherence [and] follow traditional chord patterns” but acknowledged that the tunes lack “familiar larger musical structures such as choruses that repeat” which “there is a significant gap” between Jukebox and human-generated music. The Verge mentioned “It’s highly outstanding, even if the results seem like mushy variations of tunes that might feel familiar”, while Business Insider stated “surprisingly, a few of the resulting tunes are memorable and sound legitimate”. [234] [235] [236]
User user interfaces
Debate Game
In 2018, OpenAI introduced the Debate Game, which teaches makers to debate toy problems in front of a human judge. The function is to research study whether such a technique might assist in auditing AI choices and in developing explainable AI. [237] [238]
Microscope
Released in 2020, Microscope [239] is a collection of visualizations of every significant layer and nerve cell of eight neural network models which are frequently studied in interpretability. [240] Microscope was produced to analyze the functions that form inside these neural networks easily. The designs consisted of are AlexNet, VGG-19, different versions of Inception, and various variations of CLIP Resnet. [241]
ChatGPT
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Looking for a comprehensive Spin Rewriter review that tells you what you need to know? You’ve come to the right place if you’re looking to review Spin Rewriter, the best spinner, and understand its capabilities. After spending considerable time with this popular article-spinning tool, I’m breaking down exactly what it offers, how it performs, and whether it deserves a place in your content creation arsenal, especially in the league as Spin Rewriter. If you’re involved in SEO, affiliate marketing, or any form of content production that requires volume without sacrificing quality, this analysis will help you determine if Spin Rewriter is worth your investment.
What Is Spin Rewriter and How Does It Work?
Spin Rewriter is an advanced article spinning tool that uses ENL Semantic Spinning technology to generate unique content variations from a single source article. But what exactly makes it different from other content spinners on the market?
Unlike basic synonym-swapping tools that often produce barely readable gibberish, Spin Rewriter claims to understand the actual meaning of your text through its Emulated Natural Language technology, making it a great tool for creating unique content. This semantic approach means the Spin Rewriter software analyzes how words relate to each other in context before suggesting alternatives. In practice, this should result in content that maintains readability while passing duplicate content checks, a great thing about Spin Rewriter.
The platform now offers Spin Rewriter AI, its newest iteration incorporating Large Language Model (LLM) technology, setting Spin Rewriter apart from competitors. This update aims to deliver even more human-like rewriting capabilities, with features like paragraph-level rewriting and a Text Humanizer tool that introduces subtle variations to make the content feel genuinely human-written.
Key Features of Spin Rewriter: What Sets It Apart?
When examining the feature set of Spin Rewriter, several capabilities stand out that position it differently from alternative spinning tools in the market:
The ENL Semantic Spinning technology, which Spin Rewriter uses, forms the backbone of Spin Rewriter’s approach to content generation. This technology doesn’t just substitute words with synonyms but actually attempts to understand the meaning and context of sentences, much like how Spin Rewriter is powered by advanced algorithms. For search engine optimization professionals concerned about Google’s increasingly sophisticated content analysis, this semantic understanding is particularly valuable.
Spin Rewriter offers multiple spinning levels, allowing users to rewrite content at the word, phrase, sentence, and paragraph levels, which is especially useful for those who want Spin Rewriter. The paragraph spinning capability is especially useful for creating content that passes comparison tests since it restructures entire blocks of text rather than just changing words.
With the One-Click Rewrite button, you can automatically transform your entire article without manually selecting synonyms. The software also includes a bulk article spinning feature that can process multiple articles simultaneously, making it efficient for those managing large websites or blog networks.
Content Integration and Export Options
Versatility Integration with other tools is another strength of Spin Rewriter when it comes to using the article spinner effectively.
WordPress integration: A dedicated plugin allows direct publishing of spun content to WordPress sites
API access: Developers can incorporate Spin Rewriter’s technology into their own software
Multiple export formats with Spin Rewriter make it easy to create diverse content.: Support for various spintax formats ensures compatibility with other marketing tools
Bulk export to create unique content efficiently.: Generate up to 1,000 unique variations of your article at once
For internet marketers managing multiple properties, these integration capabilities can significantly streamline workflow and content distribution processes.
How to Use Spin Rewriter: A Step-by-Step Guide
If you’re new to article spinning, getting started with Spin Rewriter follows a relatively straightforward process. Here’s how to use Spin Rewriter effectively to spin an article and create unique content using this tool:
Start with quality contentPaste your original article into the Spin Rewriter software editor.
Process the content: Use the One-Click Rewrite button to automatically generate variations
Review and customize your articles you want to spin using Spin Rewriter.: Manually adjust any phrases or words that need fine-tuning
Export your content: Generate multiple unique versions for use across different platforms
What makes Spin Rewriter particularly user-friendly is its intuitive interface, a feature that many Spin Rewriter customers appreciate. The Spin Rewriter dashboard clearly displays all available options, with the main rewriting process broken down into three simple steps. For those who value efficiency, the Spin Rewriter WordPress plugin offers keyboard shortcuts that allow quick navigation between words and phrases during the editing process.
The Text Humanizer feature in Spin Rewriter 11 deserves special mention for its advanced capabilities, making it a standout article spinner. This AI-powered tool adds small imperfections and variations to make the content appear naturally written rather than machine-generated, which can be crucial for avoiding Google’s increasingly sophisticated content filters.
Spin Rewriter Pricing: Is It Worth the Investment?
When evaluating whether to try Spin Rewriter, understanding the pricing structure is essential for determining its value proposition compared to Spin Rewriter alternatives. The Spin Rewriter tool offers several subscription options:
Plan
Price
Key Benefits
Monthly
$47/month for the Spin Rewriter 13 subscription.
Full access, unlimited articles, 1,000,000 AI credits monthly
Yearly
The version of Spin Rewriter currently available is $77/year (currently discounted from $197).
60% savings vs. monthly, plus bonuses including video database access
Lifetime
$497 one-time payment
With Spin Rewriter Gold, you have perpetual access with no recurring fees.
All plans include access to the ENL Semantic Spinning technology and allow unlimited article spinning. The yearly plan offers significant savings compared to the monthly option, especially with their current promotional discount.
A standout offering is the 5-day free trial that lets you test the full feature set before committing financially. Additionally, Spin Rewriter provides a 30-day money-back guarantee, which removes much of the risk from trying the service, making it an attractive option for those who want to get a Spin Rewriter.
For affiliate marketing professionals or content creators who regularly need multiple variations of their articles, the yearly plan often represents the best value, particularly when promotional pricing is available.
Spin Rewriter AI Review: How Good Is The Latest Version?
The latest iteration, Spin Rewriter AI, represents a significant evolution from previous versions, making it a top choice among article spinners. It showcases how Spin Rewriter can help streamline content creation. This update incorporates Large Language Model technology to enhance the rewriting capabilities. But does it deliver better results?
From my testing, the AI version shows marked improvement in creating natural-sounding content. The paragraph-level rewriting is impressive, completely restructuring text while maintaining the core message. This addresses one of the common criticisms of older spinning tools—that they produced technically unique content but were still recognizable as spun.
Some standout AI features include:
Paragraph-Level Rewriting using Spin Rewriter is a powerful feature for content creators who want to spin articles in English.: Complete restructuring of paragraphs while maintaining meaning
SEO Content Co-Pilot is enhanced using Spin Rewriter, the best spinner for content creation. Using Spin Rewriter’s overview, it automatically generates optimized metadata, including titles and descriptions.
Text Humanizer: Makes content undetectable as machine-generated by introducing subtle human-like variations, a key aspect of how Spin Rewriter uses emulated natural language.
Built-In Translator: Spin Rewriter translates generated articles into 30+ languages, enhancing its utility as an article spinner.
Text LocalizerSpin Rewriter uses advanced algorithms to adapt content for specific English-speaking markets (US, UK, Australia, etc.). using the Spin Rewriter tool.
The technology better understands contextual relationships between words, producing more coherent and readable results. For SEO specialists concerned about Google’s quality standards, this advancement represents a meaningful step forward in spinning technology.
Spin Rewriter vs. Quillbot and Other Alternatives
How does Spin Rewriter compare to other popular content spinning and paraphrasing tools like Quillbot, especially regarding user-friendliness and effectiveness as an article spinner? I frequently encounter this question from readers who want to spin their options.
Quillbot focuses primarily on paraphrasing rather than creating multiple content variations, unlike Spin Rewriter, a great article rewriter. It excels at rewriting individual paragraphs or short pieces but lacks the bulk spinning capabilities that Spin Rewriter offers. Spin Rewriter provides more robust functionality for creating large volumes of unique content versions.
Other alternatives like WordAi and Chimp Rewriter also compete in this space. WordAi similarly uses AI technology for spinning but comes at a higher price point. Chimp Rewriter offers a desktop-based alternative with comparable features but lacks some of the cloud-based convenience of Spin Rewriter.
“The difference between basic spinners and advanced tools like Spin Rewriter is analogous to the difference between translation dictionaries and human translators. One substitutes words; the other understands meaning.” – Common perspective among content marketers is that Spin Rewriter is a great tool for efficient content creation.
Spin Rewriter differentiates itself in its balance of user-friendliness, spinning quality, and value, which many users appreciate when they want to use this tool. The interface is more approachable than some competitors, while the technology behind it produces generally superior results to budget alternatives.
Is Spin Rewriter Good for SEO? What You Need to Know
Search engine optimization professionals often ask whether spun content is viable in today’s SEO landscape. The answer requires some nuance.
Google has made it abundantly clear that it values original, high-quality content. Its algorithms have become increasingly sophisticated at detecting low-quality spun content. However, well-spun content that maintains readability and coherence can still be effective, particularly for supporting content and backlink diversification.
Here’s the reality: using poorly spun content across multiple high-visibility sites will likely trigger quality flags. However, Spin Rewriter’s semantic technology produces results that, when properly reviewed and edited, can be indistinguishable from human-written variations, making it a great tool for content creators.
For SEO applications, Spin Rewriter works best when:
You start with high-quality original content to write content that resonates with your audience, and Spin Rewriter can completely generate unique variations of that content.
You use the more advanced spinning features (sentence and paragraph-level rewriting)
You review and edit the output before publishing
You distribute the content thoughtfully across different tiers of sites using the Spin Rewriter WordPress license for seamless integration.
Many users report success using Spin Rewriter for supporting content, tier-two link building, and creating variations for multiple properties, showing the power of Spin Rewriter as an effective article rewriter. The key is using it as a tool to enhance efficiency, not as a complete replacement for quality content creation.
How to Cancel Spin Rewriter If You’re Not Satisfied
While many users find value in Spin Rewriter, it’s important to know how to cancel if the tool doesn’t meet your needs. The cancellation process is straightforward:
Log into your Spin Rewriter account
Navigate to the “My Account” page to get a Spin Rewriter subscription.
Click on the cancellation option
Confirm your cancellation
Alternatively, if you’ve subscribed through PayPal, you can cancel directly from your account by managing your subscription settings. The company claims its cancellation process requires no direct contact with customer service, making it hassle-free, similar to the Spin Rewriter alternative.
It’s worth noting that Spin Rewriter offers a 30-day money-back guarantee in addition to their 5-day free trial, making it a reliable choice for users looking for an article spinner; Spin Rewriter gives users confidence in their investment. You can request a refund within 30 days of purchase if you are unsatisfied with the service or results. This double layer of protection (free trial plus money-back guarantee) significantly reduces the risk of trying the platform. Many users appreciate this customer-friendly approach, demonstrating the company’s confidence in their product’s ability to deliver value.
The platform sends email reminders to those concerned about subscription auto-renewals before charging for the next billing cycle. This gives you adequate time to cancel if you choose not to continue. According to their FAQ section, cancellations are processed immediately without requiring you to speak to a customer service representative or provide extensive justification for your decision.
More Advanced Features of Spin Rewriter
Spin Rewriter includes several advanced features that content writers and power users will appreciate.
Stock Photo Integration: This feature automatically adds relevant, copyright-free images from free stock photo sites to your spun articles, enhancing the quality of content generated by Spin Rewriter, the best spinner.
Mass Export: Spin Rewriter can generate up to 1,000 unique versions of your article with a single click, showcasing its powerful capabilities as an article spinner.
Spintax Format Support: Compatible with all major spintax formats, including first option, Spin Rewriter is easy to integrate into your current workflow.
Bulk Article Rewriting: Spin Rewriter allows you to process multiple articles simultaneously for maximum efficiency as an article spinner.
Spin Rewriter lets you add protected keywords to ensure your content remains unique.: Prevent specific terms from being spun to maintain consistency and branding
Real-World Applications for Spin Rewriter
Many users leverage Spin Rewriter for specific content creation scenarios:
Affiliate Marketing: Create unique product descriptions across multiple affiliate sites
PBN Management is greatly improved by utilizing Spin Rewriter for creating supporting content.: Generate diverse content for private blog networks without obvious duplication
Client SEO Services: Efficiently produce variations for multi-location businesses with the new features of Spin Rewriter.
Content Localization with Spin Rewriter allows you to spin content for various markets.: Adapt existing content for different English-speaking markets
Email Marketing with Spin Rewriter to generate engaging content.: Develop multiple versions of email campaigns for A/B testing
FAQ Section About Spin Rewriter
Does Spin Rewriter create content that passes Copyscape?
Yes, when used properly, content created with Spin Rewriter generally passes Copyscape and other plagiarism checkers, making it a reliable tool for content writers. The ENL Semantic Spinning technology specifically focuses on creating variations that are technically unique while maintaining readability.
Can I use Spin Rewriter for foreign languages?
Spin Rewriter primarily supports English for the spinning process. However, the latest version includes a translation feature that can convert your spun articles into over 30 languages after the spinning process is complete.
Does Spin Rewriter offer an affiliate program?
Yes, Spin Rewriter has an affiliate marketing program that pays 50% commission on all sales you refer. This makes it potentially lucrative for marketers who recommend Spin Rewriter to their audience as a powerful article spinner.
Is Spin Rewriter content safe from Google penalties when you want to spin it?
No tool can guarantee protection from Google penalties. However, Spin Rewriter’s advanced semantic technology creates higher-quality spun content that, when properly edited, is designed to avoid typical footprints that trigger penalties, making it a great tool for SEO professionals.
How does the Spin Rewriter tool access work?
Spin Rewriter provides API access that allows developers to integrate the spinning technology into their own software applications, showcasing how Spin Rewriter can help enhance their projects. This enables customized workflows and automated content spinning within third-party tools.
What are AI credits and how many do I need?
Each Spin Rewriter subscription includes 1,000,000 AI credits monthly, powering the most advanced features. This allocation is sufficient for most users, typically covering 6,000 AI paragraph rewrites, 1,500 auto-generated titles, 800 localized articles, and more.
Pros and Cons of Using Spin Rewriter
Pros:
Advanced ENL semantic understanding creates more readable content
Multiple spinning levels (word, phrase, sentence, paragraph)
User-friendly interface with one-click functionality
WordPress integration and versatile export options
Competitive pricing compared to similar high-end spinning tools
With the comprehensive 5-day free trial and 30-day money-back guarantee, you can get Spin Rewriter without any risk.
Cons:
Even the best spun content typically requires some manual editing
Limited to English language for spinning (though translations available)
Monthly plan is relatively expensive compared to yearly subscription
Learning curve to maximize the more advanced features
Heavily spun content may still encounter SEO issues if not properly reviewed, so reviewing Spin Rewriter’s output is important.
Testimonials From Spin Rewriter Users
“After years of using The Best Spinner, I found Spin Rewriter to be at least 2 years ahead of its time. It’s the ONLY spinner on the market that writes readable spun content with just one click.” – Chris Winters, Digital Marketer
“Spin Rewriter has greatly increased my productivity, allowing me to automatically spin content faster.” Being able to spin the content into unique articles without much rewriting has made my process so much faster and efficient with Spin Rewriter. – Rod Davison, GolferOnFire.com, a proud Spin Rewriter Gold member.
Conclusion: Is Spin Rewriter Worth It in 2025?
In this comprehensive Spin Rewriter review, we’ve examined everything from basic functionality to advanced features and real-world applications, including how Spin Rewriter prevents content duplication. The tool represents one of the more sophisticated options in the article spinning category, particularly with its latest AI-powered iteration, and Spin Rewriter is a powerful tool for content creators.
For content creators, SEO professionals, and affiliate marketers who regularly need to produce multiple variations of quality content, Spin Rewriter offers a compelling solution to spin an article effectively. The semantic understanding technology produces results that are notably better than basic synonym-replacement spinners, while maintaining a user-friendly interface and reasonable price point.
The 5-day free trial makes it easy to test Spin Rewriter before committing, allowing you to determine if it meets your specific content needs, just like about Spin Rewriter. Whether you’re managing multiple blogs, building backlink networks, or simply looking to repurpose existing content efficiently, this tool provides features that can significantly streamline your workflow.
Ultimately, Spin Rewriter works best as part of a balanced content strategy—not as a complete replacement for original writing, but as a powerful efficiency tool for creating variations and supporting content at scale.
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They’d never even visited Ecuador before, but Brittany and Blake Bowen, from the United States, decided to move to the South American country in 2021 to give their four children a completely different upbringing.
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Before the move, the couple, who’ve been married for nearly 17 years, say that they were becoming increasingly concerned about the pressures placed on children by “modern American society” and wanted to try something new.
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So why did they choose Ecuador as their “new home”?
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What Is Spin Rewriter and How Does It Work?
Spin Rewriter is an advanced article spinning tool that uses ENL Semantic Spinning technology to generate unique content variations from a single source article. But what exactly makes it different from other content spinners on the market?
Unlike basic synonym-swapping tools that often produce barely readable gibberish, Spin Rewriter claims to understand the actual meaning of your text through its Emulated Natural Language technology, making it a great tool for creating unique content. This semantic approach means the Spin Rewriter software analyzes how words relate to each other in context before suggesting alternatives. In practice, this should result in content that maintains readability while passing duplicate content checks, a great thing about Spin Rewriter.
The platform now offers Spin Rewriter AI, its newest iteration incorporating Large Language Model (LLM) technology, setting Spin Rewriter apart from competitors. This update aims to deliver even more human-like rewriting capabilities, with features like paragraph-level rewriting and a Text Humanizer tool that introduces subtle variations to make the content feel genuinely human-written.
Key Features of Spin Rewriter: What Sets It Apart?
When examining the feature set of Spin Rewriter, several capabilities stand out that position it differently from alternative spinning tools in the market:
The ENL Semantic Spinning technology, which Spin Rewriter uses, forms the backbone of Spin Rewriter’s approach to content generation. This technology doesn’t just substitute words with synonyms but actually attempts to understand the meaning and context of sentences, much like how Spin Rewriter is powered by advanced algorithms. For search engine optimization professionals concerned about Google’s increasingly sophisticated content analysis, this semantic understanding is particularly valuable.
Spin Rewriter offers multiple spinning levels, allowing users to rewrite content at the word, phrase, sentence, and paragraph levels, which is especially useful for those who want Spin Rewriter. The paragraph spinning capability is especially useful for creating content that passes comparison tests since it restructures entire blocks of text rather than just changing words.
With the One-Click Rewrite button, you can automatically transform your entire article without manually selecting synonyms. The software also includes a bulk article spinning feature that can process multiple articles simultaneously, making it efficient for those managing large websites or blog networks.
Content Integration and Export Options
Versatility Integration with other tools is another strength of Spin Rewriter when it comes to using the article spinner effectively.
WordPress integration: A dedicated plugin allows direct publishing of spun content to WordPress sites
API access: Developers can incorporate Spin Rewriter’s technology into their own software
Multiple export formats with Spin Rewriter make it easy to create diverse content.: Support for various spintax formats ensures compatibility with other marketing tools
Bulk export to create unique content efficiently.: Generate up to 1,000 unique variations of your article at once
For internet marketers managing multiple properties, these integration capabilities can significantly streamline workflow and content distribution processes.
How to Use Spin Rewriter: A Step-by-Step Guide
If you’re new to article spinning, getting started with Spin Rewriter follows a relatively straightforward process. Here’s how to use Spin Rewriter effectively to spin an article and create unique content using this tool:
Start with quality contentPaste your original article into the Spin Rewriter software editor.
Process the content: Use the One-Click Rewrite button to automatically generate variations
Review and customize your articles you want to spin using Spin Rewriter.: Manually adjust any phrases or words that need fine-tuning
Export your content: Generate multiple unique versions for use across different platforms
What makes Spin Rewriter particularly user-friendly is its intuitive interface, a feature that many Spin Rewriter customers appreciate. The Spin Rewriter dashboard clearly displays all available options, with the main rewriting process broken down into three simple steps. For those who value efficiency, the Spin Rewriter WordPress plugin offers keyboard shortcuts that allow quick navigation between words and phrases during the editing process.
The Text Humanizer feature in Spin Rewriter 11 deserves special mention for its advanced capabilities, making it a standout article spinner. This AI-powered tool adds small imperfections and variations to make the content appear naturally written rather than machine-generated, which can be crucial for avoiding Google’s increasingly sophisticated content filters.
Spin Rewriter Pricing: Is It Worth the Investment?
When evaluating whether to try Spin Rewriter, understanding the pricing structure is essential for determining its value proposition compared to Spin Rewriter alternatives. The Spin Rewriter tool offers several subscription options:
Plan
Price
Key Benefits
Monthly
$47/month for the Spin Rewriter 13 subscription.
Full access, unlimited articles, 1,000,000 AI credits monthly
Yearly
The version of Spin Rewriter currently available is $77/year (currently discounted from $197).
60% savings vs. monthly, plus bonuses including video database access
Lifetime
$497 one-time payment
With Spin Rewriter Gold, you have perpetual access with no recurring fees.
All plans include access to the ENL Semantic Spinning technology and allow unlimited article spinning. The yearly plan offers significant savings compared to the monthly option, especially with their current promotional discount.
A standout offering is the 5-day free trial that lets you test the full feature set before committing financially. Additionally, Spin Rewriter provides a 30-day money-back guarantee, which removes much of the risk from trying the service, making it an attractive option for those who want to get a Spin Rewriter.
For affiliate marketing professionals or content creators who regularly need multiple variations of their articles, the yearly plan often represents the best value, particularly when promotional pricing is available.
Spin Rewriter AI Review: How Good Is The Latest Version?
The latest iteration, Spin Rewriter AI, represents a significant evolution from previous versions, making it a top choice among article spinners. It showcases how Spin Rewriter can help streamline content creation. This update incorporates Large Language Model technology to enhance the rewriting capabilities. But does it deliver better results?
From my testing, the AI version shows marked improvement in creating natural-sounding content. The paragraph-level rewriting is impressive, completely restructuring text while maintaining the core message. This addresses one of the common criticisms of older spinning tools—that they produced technically unique content but were still recognizable as spun.
Some standout AI features include:
Paragraph-Level Rewriting using Spin Rewriter is a powerful feature for content creators who want to spin articles in English.: Complete restructuring of paragraphs while maintaining meaning
SEO Content Co-Pilot is enhanced using Spin Rewriter, the best spinner for content creation. Using Spin Rewriter’s overview, it automatically generates optimized metadata, including titles and descriptions.
Text Humanizer: Makes content undetectable as machine-generated by introducing subtle human-like variations, a key aspect of how Spin Rewriter uses emulated natural language.
Built-In Translator: Spin Rewriter translates generated articles into 30+ languages, enhancing its utility as an article spinner.
Text LocalizerSpin Rewriter uses advanced algorithms to adapt content for specific English-speaking markets (US, UK, Australia, etc.). using the Spin Rewriter tool.
The technology better understands contextual relationships between words, producing more coherent and readable results. For SEO specialists concerned about Google’s quality standards, this advancement represents a meaningful step forward in spinning technology.
Spin Rewriter vs. Quillbot and Other Alternatives
How does Spin Rewriter compare to other popular content spinning and paraphrasing tools like Quillbot, especially regarding user-friendliness and effectiveness as an article spinner? I frequently encounter this question from readers who want to spin their options.
Quillbot focuses primarily on paraphrasing rather than creating multiple content variations, unlike Spin Rewriter, a great article rewriter. It excels at rewriting individual paragraphs or short pieces but lacks the bulk spinning capabilities that Spin Rewriter offers. Spin Rewriter provides more robust functionality for creating large volumes of unique content versions.
Other alternatives like WordAi and Chimp Rewriter also compete in this space. WordAi similarly uses AI technology for spinning but comes at a higher price point. Chimp Rewriter offers a desktop-based alternative with comparable features but lacks some of the cloud-based convenience of Spin Rewriter.
“The difference between basic spinners and advanced tools like Spin Rewriter is analogous to the difference between translation dictionaries and human translators. One substitutes words; the other understands meaning.” – Common perspective among content marketers is that Spin Rewriter is a great tool for efficient content creation.
Spin Rewriter differentiates itself in its balance of user-friendliness, spinning quality, and value, which many users appreciate when they want to use this tool. The interface is more approachable than some competitors, while the technology behind it produces generally superior results to budget alternatives.
Is Spin Rewriter Good for SEO? What You Need to Know
Search engine optimization professionals often ask whether spun content is viable in today’s SEO landscape. The answer requires some nuance.
Google has made it abundantly clear that it values original, high-quality content. Its algorithms have become increasingly sophisticated at detecting low-quality spun content. However, well-spun content that maintains readability and coherence can still be effective, particularly for supporting content and backlink diversification.
Here’s the reality: using poorly spun content across multiple high-visibility sites will likely trigger quality flags. However, Spin Rewriter’s semantic technology produces results that, when properly reviewed and edited, can be indistinguishable from human-written variations, making it a great tool for content creators.
For SEO applications, Spin Rewriter works best when:
You start with high-quality original content to write content that resonates with your audience, and Spin Rewriter can completely generate unique variations of that content.
You use the more advanced spinning features (sentence and paragraph-level rewriting)
You review and edit the output before publishing
You distribute the content thoughtfully across different tiers of sites using the Spin Rewriter WordPress license for seamless integration.
Many users report success using Spin Rewriter for supporting content, tier-two link building, and creating variations for multiple properties, showing the power of Spin Rewriter as an effective article rewriter. The key is using it as a tool to enhance efficiency, not as a complete replacement for quality content creation.
How to Cancel Spin Rewriter If You’re Not Satisfied
While many users find value in Spin Rewriter, it’s important to know how to cancel if the tool doesn’t meet your needs. The cancellation process is straightforward:
Log into your Spin Rewriter account
Navigate to the “My Account” page to get a Spin Rewriter subscription.
Click on the cancellation option
Confirm your cancellation
Alternatively, if you’ve subscribed through PayPal, you can cancel directly from your account by managing your subscription settings. The company claims its cancellation process requires no direct contact with customer service, making it hassle-free, similar to the Spin Rewriter alternative.
It’s worth noting that Spin Rewriter offers a 30-day money-back guarantee in addition to their 5-day free trial, making it a reliable choice for users looking for an article spinner; Spin Rewriter gives users confidence in their investment. You can request a refund within 30 days of purchase if you are unsatisfied with the service or results. This double layer of protection (free trial plus money-back guarantee) significantly reduces the risk of trying the platform. Many users appreciate this customer-friendly approach, demonstrating the company’s confidence in their product’s ability to deliver value.
The platform sends email reminders to those concerned about subscription auto-renewals before charging for the next billing cycle. This gives you adequate time to cancel if you choose not to continue. According to their FAQ section, cancellations are processed immediately without requiring you to speak to a customer service representative or provide extensive justification for your decision.
More Advanced Features of Spin Rewriter
Spin Rewriter includes several advanced features that content writers and power users will appreciate.
Stock Photo Integration: This feature automatically adds relevant, copyright-free images from free stock photo sites to your spun articles, enhancing the quality of content generated by Spin Rewriter, the best spinner.
Mass Export: Spin Rewriter can generate up to 1,000 unique versions of your article with a single click, showcasing its powerful capabilities as an article spinner.
Spintax Format Support: Compatible with all major spintax formats, including first option, Spin Rewriter is easy to integrate into your current workflow.
Bulk Article Rewriting: Spin Rewriter allows you to process multiple articles simultaneously for maximum efficiency as an article spinner.
Spin Rewriter lets you add protected keywords to ensure your content remains unique.: Prevent specific terms from being spun to maintain consistency and branding
Real-World Applications for Spin Rewriter
Many users leverage Spin Rewriter for specific content creation scenarios:
Affiliate Marketing: Create unique product descriptions across multiple affiliate sites
PBN Management is greatly improved by utilizing Spin Rewriter for creating supporting content.: Generate diverse content for private blog networks without obvious duplication
Client SEO Services: Efficiently produce variations for multi-location businesses with the new features of Spin Rewriter.
Content Localization with Spin Rewriter allows you to spin content for various markets.: Adapt existing content for different English-speaking markets
Email Marketing with Spin Rewriter to generate engaging content.: Develop multiple versions of email campaigns for A/B testing
FAQ Section About Spin Rewriter
Does Spin Rewriter create content that passes Copyscape?
Yes, when used properly, content created with Spin Rewriter generally passes Copyscape and other plagiarism checkers, making it a reliable tool for content writers. The ENL Semantic Spinning technology specifically focuses on creating variations that are technically unique while maintaining readability.
Can I use Spin Rewriter for foreign languages?
Spin Rewriter primarily supports English for the spinning process. However, the latest version includes a translation feature that can convert your spun articles into over 30 languages after the spinning process is complete.
Does Spin Rewriter offer an affiliate program?
Yes, Spin Rewriter has an affiliate marketing program that pays 50% commission on all sales you refer. This makes it potentially lucrative for marketers who recommend Spin Rewriter to their audience as a powerful article spinner.
Is Spin Rewriter content safe from Google penalties when you want to spin it?
No tool can guarantee protection from Google penalties. However, Spin Rewriter’s advanced semantic technology creates higher-quality spun content that, when properly edited, is designed to avoid typical footprints that trigger penalties, making it a great tool for SEO professionals.
How does the Spin Rewriter tool access work?
Spin Rewriter provides API access that allows developers to integrate the spinning technology into their own software applications, showcasing how Spin Rewriter can help enhance their projects. This enables customized workflows and automated content spinning within third-party tools.
What are AI credits and how many do I need?
Each Spin Rewriter subscription includes 1,000,000 AI credits monthly, powering the most advanced features. This allocation is sufficient for most users, typically covering 6,000 AI paragraph rewrites, 1,500 auto-generated titles, 800 localized articles, and more.
Pros and Cons of Using Spin Rewriter
Pros:
Advanced ENL semantic understanding creates more readable content
Multiple spinning levels (word, phrase, sentence, paragraph)
User-friendly interface with one-click functionality
WordPress integration and versatile export options
Competitive pricing compared to similar high-end spinning tools
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As Mexico City grew and became more industrialized, the need for water brought pumps and pipes to the lake, and eventually, “it was like a bad, smelly pond with rotten water,” Zambrano said. “All of our aquatic animals suffer with bad water quality, but amphibians suffer more because they have to breathe with the skin.”
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To add to the axolotls’ problems, invasive fish species such as carp and tilapia were introduced to the lake, where they feed on axolotl eggs. And a 1985 earthquake in Mexico City displaced thousands of people, who found new homes in the area around the lake, further contributing to the destruction of the axolotls’ habitat.
These combined threats have devastated axolotl populations. According to the International Union for Conservation of Nature, there are fewer than 100 adult axolotls left in the wild. The species is considered critically endangered.
While the wild axolotls of Lake Xochimilco have dwindled to near-extinction, countless axolotls have been bred for scientific laboratories and the pet trade. “The axolotl essentially helped establish the field of experimental zoology,” Voss said.
In 1864, a French army officer brought live axolotls back to Europe, where scientists were surprised to learn that the seemingly juvenile aquatic salamanders were capable of reproduction. Since then, scientists around the world have studied axolotls and their DNA to learn about the salamanders’ unusual metamorphosis (or lack thereof) as well as their ability to regrow injured body parts.
In addition to their role in labs, axolotls have become popular in the exotic pet trade (though they are illegal to own in California, Maine, New Jersey and Washington, DC). However, the axolotls you might find at a pet shop are different from their wild relatives in Lake Xochimilco. Most wild axolotls are a dark grayish brown. The famous pink axolotls, as well as other color variants such as white, blue, yellow and black, are genetic anomalies that are rare in the wild but selectively bred for in the pet trade.
What’s more, “most of the animals in the pet trade have a very small genetic variance,” Zambrano said. Pet axolotls tend to be inbred and lack the wide flow of different genes that makes up a healthy population in the wild. That means that the axolotl extinction crisis can’t simply be solved by dumping pet axolotls into Lake Xochimilco. (Plus, the pet axolotls likely wouldn’t fare well with the poor habitat conditions in the lake.)
Fame and misfortune
The difficulties that axolotls face in the wild are almost diametrically opposed to the fame they’ve found in recent years. Axolotls have captured the human imagination for centuries, as evidenced by their roles in Aztec religion and stories, but the early 21st century seems to be a high point for them. An axolotl graces the 50 peso bill. There are axolotl-inspired Pokemon, and Reddit commenters have noted that the character Toothless from the “How to Train Your Dragon” movie series is distinctly axolotl-like.
The introduction of axolotls to Minecraft in 2021 neatly mapped onto an uptick in Google searches for the animals, and social media makes it easy for people to gain access to photos and videos of the salamanders, particularly the photogenic pink ones often kept as pets.
The axolotl pet trade probably doesn’t directly harm the wild populations since wild salamanders aren’t being poached or taken from Lake Xochimilco. However, Zambrano said, axolotls’ ubiquity in pop culture and pet stores might make people assume that because axolotls “live in all the tanks around the world, they are not in danger.”
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