Last spring our family schedule was chock full of practices, rehearsals, lessons, concerts, church and school. One afternoon as one of my sons and I were trying to juggle his packed schedule (and disagreeing about whether dance or play practice took precedence) things started to get a little heated. I was concerned that he needed to keep the dance class commitment as his number one priority, and he was excited to attend the first rehearsal for his first play where he had landed a great part. We were both frustrated and we both felt pulled in too many directions. Shortly afterwards we determined that we needed to make some changes.
It took a fair amount of discussion, some compromise and even some difficult choices, but ultimately our son cut back on the activities he was involved in. While initially he missed his time at dance and even questioned the choice in the beginning, he has come to realize that it was a good decision. As the spring musical kicked into high gear this week he came to us and said that he was glad he didn’t feel pulled in so many directions this year and saw the reason for choosing “the best” instead of just “the good” activities. It reinforced to us that sometimes there can really be too much of a good thing.
There are so many good choices for activities to participate in! It can be really easy to fill our children’s schedules to the point of overflowing. Pair that with the desire for our kids to have worthwhile opportunities and it can be difficult to determine what is too much. As we were sorting out how we could do things differently I was reminded of a phrase that I had heard years ago which was “good, better, best.” While there are lots of good things and even better things, we should sift through all the options to just choose the best things.
This post, “Seven Questions for Clarifying Our Top Priorities” offers some great suggestions for deciding what’s most important.
How do you choose extracurricular activities when there are so many “good” options? Please share your answers below!
This is such a real issue as moms… with multiple kids it is hard to have a generic rule for our family. I have some kids who are very self motivated and don’t get overwhelmed easily so they can handle more. I allow these kids to choose an extra activity or two if the timing is right (day and time) and the activity is affordable. For those of my kids who tend to stress out when their days are too packed I like to sit down and explain how joining that club, signing up for that class, etc will impact their schedule throughout the week. (ie – they will have to do more homework or chores on certain days to make up for the lack of time on the day of their lesson/class)
I used to have a rule that they could not quit an activity or team mid-season or mid-year but there have been a couple of times where the coach / teacher were not a good fit for my child and it was causing stress and not having a negative impact on my child’s confidence. Follow your mother’s instinct and make the necessary changes even if it is mid-season. No one needs to suffer through week after week if things aren’t going well. We do our best to research and choose activities wisely but you won’t get it right 100% of the time.
We have learned some of these lessons the hard way over the year, but I agree that sometimes it’s okay to change course. And I love what you said, “we do our best…but you won’t get it right 100% of the time.” That applies to all aspects of parenting!
We have had many years of running around to practices and performances at the expense of family sanity or at least my sanity. After realizing the toll it was taking on our family we decided to treat extracurricular activities like our favorite toys – Take turns or share. We have used this as an opportunity to help our children understand that our family happiness is more important than individual happiness. When a child is “dying to take a new class” we add to it the list and as soon as there is an opening of time they get to take the class. If a child really excels or enjoys a certain activity then once the class is over he or she gets to practice on their own or with the help of YouTube until their turn comes around again. When at all possible, we try and make the activity something the whole family could share. In place of ballet lessons, the entire family, with the help of some very skilled dancers, learned Polynesian dances for a church luau. We had a blast and experienced some great family time as well. We stopped the expensive tennis lesson and decided dad could be the instructor which gave the kids some one-on-one time with dad. I sometimes worry that my children are not developing their talents or following their passions like they could otherwise do, but it seems as we have scaled back and made sacrifices for each other there is more peace and harmony. It is a tricky balance, but the most important things in life usually are.