As we waved goodbye to our oldest son, having just dropped him off at college several states away, I wondered if I had taught him the basic skills of life to survive on his own. I ran through the list: basic cooking (check), laundry, (check), navigating a map (check), depositing a check, (…check.) I felt pretty confident that we had taught him enough to manage life as a college freshman. My confidence was shaken a few weeks later when the phone rang:
“Mom, how do I mail a package?”
What? How, in 18 years of my son’s life, did we manage to forget to teach him how the postal service works?
It seems there are so many life skills that we as parents know without thinking about it, that a few can slip through the cracks. My son’s confused call home had me wondering, “what else have we forgot to teach him?” Over the years as our children have left home, I’ve been surprised that no matter how hard I try, there are always a few things we forgot. Often, as I reflect on why, I’ve realized that it was just easier for me to do it myself. It’s become clear that sometime “easier” comes at a price.
Lisa Hoelzer, in her blog post “Will My Teenager Be Ready For Adulthood”, had this to say:
“Sometimes I undermine my child’s autonomy without realizing it. By doing things for her that she can do for herself, I take away her responsibility. I deprive her of the opportunity to form good habits and experience the pleasure that comes from accomplishing a “grown-up” task.”
Hoelzer then goes on to reference several suggestions for tasks that our children can do for themselves that often we do for them. As we teach our children basic life skills, their confidence will grow and we can feel more secure in our knowledge that they are equipped to handle life on their own.
WHAT BASIC LIFE SKILLS DO CHILDREN NEED TO KNOW AND HOW DO YOU TEACH THEM? Please share your answers in the comments below!
I’ve been to an Executive Function workshop where the speakers had college students in for therapy who were chronically late for important things (eg, meeting a professor) because they never actually learned about time and the nature of how it passes – having grown up in a digital age. There is something about analog clocks and seeing how long tasks take and planning for them from there – that is really getting lost in today’s culture.
That is so interesting–I hadn’t thought of that! I’m curious how they corrected that.
A skill I try hard to teach my kids is how to budget their money. From a very young age I encourage my kids to compare prices – whether it is between the name brand and store brand cereal or the different prices of the pair of Nike shoes they want across various websites, physical stores, and even Ebay. My kids know thrift stores and consignment stores are viable options for many of the things they want to buy as well. I saw too many friends get into debt at a young age. My parents made me pay for my college tuition after my freshman year and I know that helped me watch my money carefully, seek out better paying jobs, and be ok with not having the latest styles and coolest car.
Money management is such a crucial skill and it’s one my husband and I were just discussing last night, regarding our teens. I know we could definitely be better about being more intentional in teaching this skill. And we also have the same policy for college–we pay for the first year and then they are on their own. It’s amazing how much less skipping of classes occurs when they are paying for it:)
Problem solving on their own. Figuring out where to go for answers if they don’t know.
A critical life skill is how to fail. They need to know that sometimes what we desperately want / expect doesn’t always come through. They need to learn how to accept that, get up and go again. Life is not easy, we don’t always get the job, or girl, grade, or what ever we really want. The skill is how do you handle disappointment, both personal and from outside sources. You can either get up and go, or wallow.
Relying on spiritual faith helps with the way we all handle disappointments.
I so agree. I find that after years of being too much of a “helicopter parent” that I now actively look for ways that they can fail so they build resilience. I think that’s why I like that they do theater–you have to put yourself out there and you don’t always get the part you want or perform how well you think you might.