Our pediatrician probably has “schedule extra time” written on his chart notes next to my name. I am that kind of mom. The poor doctor looks like the recipient of a firing squad as I shoot question after question at him, trying to navigate through the sea of parenting information out there.
At a recent appointment, he was trying to make a quick exit out the door as I quickly blurted out, “What are the recommendations for educational apps?”
He stopped, turned, looked at me, and said in a sincere voice, “The general rule is people over products; it does a lot more for a child’s brain to play a game of peek-a-boo than any electronic device can. Putting those different shaped blocks in a box is far better than any app that teaches shapes.”
I went home and couldn’t stop thinking about what the pediatrician said. As I began to focus on having human interactions over electronic, something shifted in my mind. I began to think about the concept of people first, and it became clear that this would be the mantra I would live my life by:
“People (or relationships) over products, projects, or being right (or on time).”
Putting people (or relationships) over products reminds me to put down my phone in favor of the people around me. It reminds me to get off the computer and engage in conversation with my husband. It reminds me to talk gently to my two-year-old when he spills grape juice on the light carpet, and gently remind him that everyone has accidents as we clean up the mess together.
Putting my relationships over projects helps me put aside a long to-do list to really listen and focus on a phone call from a friend going through a hard time.
Putting people over being right reminds me to look for errors, annoyances, and inconveniences as opportunities to teach and show unconditional love.
As I look back at my life, I realize that the times I felt the most unconditionally loved and treasured by my parents were when our relationship was put above anything else; especially when it would have been easier not to.
I can vividly remember the excitement of being in a car dealership on a break from college. My parents graciously offered to buy me a safe car to get around the icy roads of Rexburg, Idaho.
I sat in the driver’s seat, my dad in the back, and the car salesman on the passenger’s side. The car dealer nervously said, “It’s pretty tight back there, are you sure you can back out?” I said, with more confidence than I should have, “Oh yeah, I got this.”
I put my foot on the gas, turned the wheel, and heard a hollow thunk. My stomach dropped as I realized that I had just backed into another brand new car. My dad bailed out of the car with his cowboy hat, Wranglers, and blue denim shirt, laughing uncontrollably, as he yelled to the salesman, “You better knock off a couple hundred bucks–this car has a scratch on it!” My dad then quietly made sure I was okay.
He could have yelled at me, embarrassed me, or acted agitated at my error, but our relationship was far more important than any product (even a car). I ended up getting that car, and later he kindly helped me perfect my backing-up skills.
So the other day, when we were running late to meet some family for a fun day at the zoo, I did things differently. Instead of snapping at my family to hurry and criticizing my husband for forgetting to put gas in the car, I silently chanted in my mind, “People over products, projects, and being right (or punctual).”
I made a mental note of what we could do differently next time and then cheerfully talked about the amazing animals we were going to see. And I said a silent prayer of gratitude that I didn’t ruin my family’s afternoon as I listened to my two-year-old chat excitedly about giraffes, lions, and monkeys.
QUESTION: Has there been a time in your life when relationships didn’t come before other less-important things? What tends to distract you?
CHALLENGE: This week, pick one area in which you struggle (electronics, projects, punctuality, etc.) and apply the “people first” principle.
Edited by Sarah Monson.
Doctor visit image from Candi Kidd. Main image from Shutterstock with graphics by Julie Finlayson.
Candi you are so right. I am a artist by profession and always have deadlines for clients projects. I have been struggling lately. I am trying to balance family time and painting time. I keep struggling with this. Next time I am sitting in my studio and can hear my family talking and laughing in the other room I am going to say your little phrase to myself, and try to set down my paint brush and walk in the other room. Hopefully telling myself that relationships come first will help me to be presently engaged with my family and not just be physically there but still thinking about the painting! Thank you.
So well written!! I love the message! That Candi Kidd is one smart lady!
Thank you so much for wording this so perfect! People first! I’ve started babysitting recently and noticed how patient I am with other people’s kids. Their mom told me one day after she got mad at her son for something he did that he told her, “Christina says sometimes accidents happen.” It made me realize how impatient I am with my own kids. I doubt they’d ever quote me that way. Time to slow down and put them first over the other things that make my day crazy. This article was so inspiring! Thank you!
This article came at the perfect time for me. I will be starting a full semester in January and have been so worried on how I will balance school with my husband and five children. Thank you for helping me find perspective. Great article!
I just love this idea. You are so right and are ultimately teaching exactly what our prime exemplar Jesus Christ taught. It is clearly his message, put simply and poignantly. Thank you so much for sharing. I’m going to think on this again and again, I just know it. People over product, projects, and being right=love.
Even at our age we are looking for new ways to handle unpleasant or stressful situations. The Internet world and the cell phone always in our hands has created an unfamiliar way of living than what we were taught growing up. We try to keep up with technology, and on the process we forget what is really important in our lives. Candi you has enriched your marriage, your children and your own life by realizing now what really is most important. Thank you for sharing this wisdom with us. I am going to try and remember “People over products, projects and being right.”
Oh, I am going to share it with John.
Love This Article!!! Great Job Candi!!
I love your article!! Excellent message we all need to hear! Thanks!
Thank you for commenting!! I’ve been following your blog for a long time and find you so inspiring!!
BEAUTIFULLY done!!! This is the exactly the kind of reminder we need. Thank you for taking the time to share this in such a powerful way. xoxoxo
Candi, I really needed to hear this! Thank you!
Wow Candice, you nailed it. Like some of the other comments shared, this is particularly helpful for me to hear right now, especially with Christmas festivities in full force. Holidays aside, I have multiple family members who answer to these other gods (being punctual, being on top of everything that isn’t our husband & kids, and being right) and they often make me feel guilty because I strive to put my family’s immediate needs first. Doubt leads me to convince myself I’m not doing as much as I could or I would be on top of everything and I’d be punctual to boot! Thank you for the inspiration and for the motivation to focus on the right things. I will print your article and pin it up at my desk.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. It sounds like you figured this out far before I did!!
I do like to be early, do projects, use my phone and have a tidy home but its not at the expense of my most cherished relationships like it used to be and I’ve noticed a BIG difference 🙂
I agree 100%. I see it as a huge pay-off when I’m organized because it means a more efficient household that translates to more time with the family. I’m naturally very clean, but just as you had your epiphany, I too learned to dial it down when I had 4 kids 😉 It’s finding a balance to that sweet spot, where you’re on top of things to keep the house running smoothly, but don’t go so far as to try to create the Pinterest Picture image at the expensive of those relationships on which your article is based. Thank you for taking the time to reply 🙂
opps – “expense”
Lovely post, and a timely one, as I plan out a course for the new year! I’m printing the cute finger faces graphic and sticking it up by the computer!
Thank you for taking the time to comment!! I’m copying your idea and I’m going to cut out the cute graphic Power of Moms designed too!!
What an amazing message! This is something I have really been working on and your article gives me the motivation to continue.
Thank you for commenting!! Good luck!!