My kids are going to grow up. And that’s already happening way faster than I feel ok about. I want to cherish my children and bind our hearts together while they’re young so that hopefully we’ll be close on into the future.
I guess that’s why I latch on with all my heart to ideas I hear or come up with that will help me really connect with them and build good memories.
I’m good at some of these ideas. Some of them I want desperately to be good at. But for what it’s worth, these are some simple but powerful little “traditions” that have helped me soak in my “babies” for as long as they’ll let me.
1. Movie Night
Some friends introduced us to this one. My husband, Dave, and I try our best to schedule our dates and other social stuff on Saturday so we can be home with the kids on Friday because Friday night is sacred. Friday night is “Movie Night.” We pop popcorn, usually make cookies, and watch a movie. Sometimes it’s an amazing movie we’re all spellbound by; sometimes it turns out to be a dumb show we thought we’d try; but the movie itself isn’t so important. What matters is that we’re together. And we all LOVE it. Inevitably there will be a time in the future when our kids won’t think it’s so cool to stay home with their parents on a Friday night to watch a movie, but for now, we’re superstars to them and we’re eating it up while we can!
This is something I’m not good at, but I sure want to be. My Dad started this tradition when we were little. He’d sit down with us one-on-one and have a little interview with us once a week. He’d ask all kinds of questions from “What are you worried about right now?” to “What do you like to do at recess?” to “What’s one way you were a good example to someone else this week?” He’d help us figure out some simple little goals for that week (like learning a new song on the piano or learning to do a flip on the trampoline). When we were really little, sometimes he’d write the initial of our best talents on each of our ten fingertips (I was “good” at art so he’d write a little “a” for art with a ballpoint pen on my thumb, then move on to my next “talent” that he’d add to my index finger). He’d make us feel so great about ourselves. He’d end each interview with “What can I do to be a better daddy to you?” And the amazing thing was that when we grew up and moved away he’d still call us for our interviews. Since I was the second girl the second Sunday was always mine. He’d call and just give me my traditional “interview” over the phone.
This is a tough thing to carry on with my kids because I’m not anywhere near as organized or as amazing as my dad. But I do enjoy writing occasional letters on my kids’ fingertips and I try to corner them for an “interview” as often as I can – often when I’m driving them somewhere in the car and it’s just the two of us. This year I’ve decided to try to do interviews on our monthly lunch dates, which is the next idea…
3. Lunch Dates
I know there will be a time I’ll need to take school time more seriously. Soon they will be in junior high, then filling out college applications before I know it. But this is elementary school for crying out loud. Shhh, this is a secret. I let my kids miss some of it sometimes. I take them out to long lunches one by one once a month. It’s the only time I could figure out to have more one-on-one time together. Yes, my baby needs to tag along usually, and yes, sometimes they upset the good people who thought Wendys would be a nice quiet break from their work day and don’t want to be hampered by a baby throwing French fries around in the air. But that child I took out of school still knows that it’s their special day, and their eyes sparkle with the excitement of getting to order whatever they want and having me just concentrate on them. I love that even my oldest still begs for it to be “his” day.
This year I’m trying to have a little “interview” with each child while we’re at lunch (amidst the chicken nuggets and fighting over who gets the last bites of the McFlurry…yes, sadly it’s usually Wendys or McDonalds with an occasional Chipotle thrown in there, but it’s their choice and I have to live with it). I go through what my parents call the “5 Facets” with them. How are they doing 1) spiritually, 2) physically, 3)mentally, 4)emotionally, and 5)socially. We make monthly goals of how they can do better in each of these categories. And then ideally I schedule these things in on my calendar so I can help them (not so good at that yet). But I love connecting with them. I love telling them I love them over our “gourmet” food.
4. Mother’s Day Letters
Being the fanatic that I am about record keeping, I love to write letters to my kids. I want them to have a record of how much I adore every little thing they do. When I only had two young children, I was great at it and I’d write to them all the time. But then it got harder and harder to set aside time to do it. So a few years ago I decided I’d ask for a couple hours alone in my room each Mother’s Day so I could write a special love note to each of my kids. I love knowing that I have those compiled for them. I want them to forever remember how much I love them at every stage and what I’ve noticed about them each year.
5. “Happies” & “Sads”
Each night at dinner the kids tell us what their “happies” and “sads” were from the day. My very social daughter inevitably says that she was happy a friend could come over and she was sad when that said friend had to leave. But most of the time it leads to good discussions and helps the kids tell us what really happened during the day instead of just saying it was “fine” or “good”…or “bad.” I like to hear the details and this is a good way to squeeze them out.
6. Late Nights
We were really good at this last year but not so hot at it this year…I think this is something that works better when your kids all go to bed around the same time, and our kids are more staggered at bedtime as they are getting older. But this is something we loved to do when they were younger. “Late Nights” are when the kids get to rotate each getting a turn once a week to stay up ten or fifteen minutes later than the others. They eat this up. It’s such a short amount of time, but they think it’s the luckiest thing ever when it’s their turn and we love to give them some undivided one-on-one attention. They get to pick the activity – playing Uno, eating a special treat, showing us something cool on the computer, whatever strikes their fancy.
7. “Clean Ten”
This really doesn’t have much to do with cherishing the moment with kids, but it sure makes things less chaotic when it happens and then you can cherish the good stuff and “be still” more often. Whenever things get really cluttery…Saturday afternoons, between when the kids get home from school and dinner, Sunday afternoons, etc. (ok, pretty much a few times a day), we just say “clean ten” and the kids have to each pick up and put away ten things. I LOVE it because they just know to do that. Not only does it help to get the house clean quick but it helps the kids know where everything really goes so they can be better at putting things away in the first place.
These are a few ideas from my motherhood tradition “collection” from this past year. These ideas have helped me to treasure motherhood, and I hope they’ve helped me children to know just how loved they really are.
*** This post was originally published on the author’s blog, 71 Toes, where you can find a wealth of great mothering ideas.
QUESTION: What little “traditions” do you do with your kids that build relationships?
CHALLENGE: Choose a new tradition for your family from the list, and start today!