Knit Together

During the weeks leading up to Elijah’s birth, I was terrified the adoption would fall through, and for good reason—we’d experienced several adoption heartbreaks before. I wanted to make something for the baby, but I was nervous to start in case we lost him.

 I needed something easy, something that I wouldn’t have to think about or which could potentially add more frustration to my already distressed heart. So I knit this Super Easy Baby Blanket.

 

 

I worked on it while we watched movies or drove in the car. I worked on it at my kids’ lessons, deflecting questions about who it was for with white lies such as, “My brother-in-law and his wife are having a baby boy soon.” (This was true, and it was my back-up plan to give the blanket to them if we were disappointed again, but it was not an actual answer to the question.) We hardly told anyone about Elijah until after we brought him home. It was an attempt to pretend it wasn’t happening, so we wouldn’t get our hopes up.

 

 

 

 This blanket was my way to have hope without actually acknowledging how desperately we wanted this child to be ours. After all we’d been through, we were past the point of articulating our hopes and fears. All we could do was wait. Each stitch represents a prayer for this little one who took so long to join our family and who is worth every tear we shed.

 

 I finished knitting the blanket in the hospital room while Elijah’s birth mother was in the early stages of labor. We were there with her, talking and laughing and dreaming of the boy we’d soon meet.

As we did so, our lives were knit together. We will be forever indebted to that beautiful, strong young woman. And this blanket, though very simple, will serve as a reminder of a time when our countless prayers were answered.

 

 

 

QUESTION: Are there things you are afraid to hope for? How does the author’s experience influence your feelings about hope?

CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already, document, in writing or photos, the things you did to prepare for the arrival of your child.

Edited by Amanda Lewis and Rachel Nielson.
All images from Heidi Hillman. Graphics by Julie Finlayson.

About Heidi Hillman

Heidi has a bachelors degree in Horticulture from Utah State University. She is married to an engineering genius and is a homeschooling Mama to three miracle children. She spends as much time as possible reading, creating uplifting art and embroidery patterns, running, journaling and photographing life's little moments, and spending time outdoors with her family. She is an author of scripture study guides for children. She blogs at A Lively Hope.