Like trust, self-esteem can take months, even years, to build—and sometimes seconds to destroy. It is crucial for parents to pay close attention to their child’s self-esteem because it can be an indicator of other problems. According to DoSomething.org, an organization for young people who want to be involved in social change, “75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities like cutting, bullying, smoking, drinking, or disordered eating.” If we can recognize how our children feel about themselves, we can help change the direction they may be headed, if needed.
When I was growing up, the energy in my home was negative and critical at times. There was frequent name calling and critical sarcasm. I was labeled a dufas, a brat, undependable, and stupid. This was often done “in fun,” but it did not make me feel good about myself. It set the tone for my self-esteem at an early age.
I’m raising my four beautiful kids now, and I’ve vowed to never make them feel inadequate. When my first son was in kindergarten, I volunteered for a program at his school called Project Self-Esteem. Parents taught provided lessons once a month in their child’s classroom. The lessons covered subjects such as kindness, respect, joy, friendship, and honesty. The goal was to raise the children’s self-esteem so that they wouldn’t want to bully or be bullied, and so they would just feel better about themselves. I taught the lessons for many years, and eventually the school let me take over the program and rewrite the lessons so that they would be current and relevant. It took me three years and my book, Project Self-Esteem For Kids, was born! I’m proud of the program because for 12 years I have seen how it has affected the kids who experience the lessons. Each lesson has a topic-based discussion, activity, story, and fun object lesson. The lessons can be taught at home with one child or in a group setting.
In my experience, there are so many ways to teach kids to have better self-esteem, but here are my top five strategies:
- Spend time together. One of the most important ideas children can grasp is the knowledge that the people who are close to them actually care about who they are and want to know about their interests. My husband and I try to do this by supporting our kids at each of their performances. We love watching them play sports and perform in piano recitals. We take them on all of our vacations and enjoy being active—on the weekends we play soccer as a family and enjoy every moment of it.
- Praise. We must tell our children that we are proud of them. They need to know that we accept them no matter what. If they fail, we can still tell them that we are proud of how hard they tried. I love it when I compliment my kids and see their faces light up.
- Increase your own self-esteem. If we walk around the house saying we are fat or dumb, guess who is going to hear us? Yep. Our kids mirror what we do. We must set a good example and treat ourselves kindly.
- Serve. When we help others, our self-esteem increases. If we are experiencing our own “pity party” there is no faster way to transform this energy than to help someone else.
- Set rules and boundaries. Kids need rules. If they are free to do whatever they want, there will be trouble. If you provide rules and boundaries, they will know you care and want them to have self-discipline so they can succeed.
It is my passion to help kids everywhere to raise their self-esteem. They are our future leaders. What more important work can we do?
QUESTION: Do you regularly evaluate your child’s self-esteem? How would your rate it currently?
CHALLENGE: Choose one of the ideas from this article to implement in your family or with a specific child.
Edited by: Sarah Monson and Amanda Lewis.
Image from Shutterstock; graphics by Julie Finlayson.
This is great information. Our nonprofit is a big fan of kindness ideas just like this. We also promote family volunteering with tips and opportunities on our website. Thanks for helping families everywhere raise kind kids — with healthy self esteem.
I really love this article!
I really appreciate you for posting such a valuable article here. It will surely going to raise my kid confidence. Now a days my kid is reading to https://www.mindtools.com/ blogs, and really feeling great after that.
Great!!
I think self-esteem is developed when a child knows INSIDE HERSELF that she is capable of doing things she thought she couldn’t do. Also the more difficult, and more self-doubt during the process, the greater the self-esteem when she does achieve it. The key as a parent is to be there all the way on that journey from self-doubt through hard word/displeasure/discomfort through to self-esteem – being her coach and cheer leader. This can occur with any thing that steps a child out of their comfort zone (sport, music, dance, academics, social interactions, etc). Our challenge at parents is to guide them out of their comfort zones, teach them that failure is normal and okay, teach them how to learn and how to practice and how to build skill, so that those lessons can be taken forward to all future activities that are out of their comfort zone!